I Have Never Been a Winner, But

By Peter Pierro

There are two kinds of parents who really bug a conscientious, caring Coach. Here is #1.
"I have never been a winner but my son is going to be a winner."

Those are the words of Emmet Rucker -- no, not the spoken words. In fact, Emmet would be surprised and indignant if the Coach were to ask, "Don't you think that you're trying to become successful through the efforts of your child, Tom? Let's listen in as Emmet talks to Tom:

"Well, son, we have a lot of work to do to get you ready for the regional Tiddly Winks championships."

"But, Dad, I am only 9 years old and some of the guys there are 12 years old. They will cream me."

"I know that, Tom, but it is never too early to learn how to compete. And you should compete against players who are better than you. If my dad had started me out early enough, I would have been a champ. I never made it to the top but I am going to help you get there. I bought a new gizmo to help strengthen the muscles in your hands, I put new felt on the board so it's like the one they'll have at the tournament, and I set up a schedule for you to practice with a new coach. You need to cut down some of that time you been wasting on that computer, but it will pay off."

"But, Dad, I love to work on the computer and I am learning how to write stories and ..."
"You know, Tom, sometimes you simply do not appreciate what your Mom and I do for you kids. Like right now your Mom is working with your sister to make her a Ball and Jacks champ just like she was when she was a kid."

"But Rachel wants to be the champ. I don't"

"Now cut that out, Tom. You are beginning to sound like your brother, Ben. He had a great future in playing Scrabble. Could have gone all the way to the nationals, but he quit -- embarrassed the whole family. Now it's him and his stupid guitar. He's even flunking Algebra.
And the way he's dressing! I don't know where he went wrong."

Instant Analysis:

1. Emmet is dealing with his goals instead of Tom's goals.

2. Emmet and his wife are pleased with Rachel because she has accepted the same goals are theirs. Let's hope that Rachel really wants them to be her goals and is not knuckling under to the pressure. We will see if she continues her quest or if she decides it is really not worth it and quits.

3. Emmet is not going to take any responsibility for Ben's decision to quit the task they marked off for him. In fact, he is going to blame him for being strong enough to go his own way, for "going wrong."

Are You an Emmet? Check the Appropriate Box:

___ Nope, that's not me and will never be me.

___ Wow! That's too close for comfort. Thanks for pointing this out to me.

___ Yes, that's me and I will continue dealing with my child in this correct way.

Sometimes we parents blur the line between who we are and who our kids are. We don't let them become the unique, special persons that they are and will be. It is our job, as parents, to make our children independent of us.

Peter S. Pierro, EdD parentscoachesasteam.com

Dr. Peter Pierro is a coach and parent who is concerned about how our young athletes are treated by their coaches and parents. He has degrees in Psychology, History, and Education from Northern Illinois University. He played professional softball, semi-pro baseball, college basketball, and with an all-star U.S. Navy basketball team. He coached jr./sr. high school basketball, a women's softball team, a 12 and under boys baseball team, and was commissioner of a boys baseball league. He has been a consultant/contributor to the Amateur Softball Association and the Oklahoma Soccer Association. Dr. Pierro has taught in elementary, junior and senior high schools and has been Professor of Education at Elmhurst College and Oklahoma University.