How Do You Define Yourself?

By Betty Mahalik

How do you define yourself? When asked, who do you say that you are? I was recently talking with one of my brothers who told me about a person he knows that seems to have no life outside of his job. No hobbies, few friends and even when he would be wise to do so, he refuses to stay away from work to rest or recuperate. Now I don't know this person and may be mistaken, but it struck me that he might be someone who defines himself solely by the major role he plays in life--his job description.

It's so easy to get our identity tangled up in our careers, work, roles or job titles. We seem to believe that we are what we do. We define ourselves solely in terms of the role or roles we play in life. This, my friends, is a recipe for serious limitation and life trauma. What happens to your identity when that job or role ends or changes so dramatically you no longer identify with it?
You often hear of people (perhaps you know a few or are one of the statistics yourself) who reach a certain point in life--usually midlife--when suddenly they begin to question what they believe about themselves. Examples are the executive that loses her job with all its perks and benefits when the company is bought out, or the parents who never looked outside their roles as mom or dad, and found themselves depressed "empty nesters" when the kids leave home. The existential question "Is that all there is?" begins to rear its head, and there are no easy answers when you've spent years defining yourself primarily as the thing you do.

Folks we are not things. But it's so easy to use such labels to describe ourselves or define others. We say them so effortlessly and often we come to think of ourselves and others purely in one-dimensional terms. "Oh, he's my CPA" or "she's a nurse." Even such descriptions as "I'm a Christian" or "I'm a Democrat or Republican" are seriously self-limiting. And think about those people we tend to label with negatives such as "he's a jerk," or "she's a b_____." Besides the obvious conflict and misunderstanding such labels generate, the danger in using such superficial labels is that we begin to see others as concepts or things and treat them as such. We are not our jobs, our roles, our positions in society, our bank balances, or any of a thousand other possible partial descriptors. We are human beings not human doings and we need to be constantly reminded to see ourselves and others in much larger, more generous terms.

This week I invite you to take some time to ask yourself, "Who am I?" See if you can define yourself in terms of something besides your job description or a certain group whose beliefs and members you identify with. And recognize that no label, however broad or descriptive can ever fully capture the unique, one-of-a-kind essence of you.

What's possible when we let go of limiting one-dimensional labels of ourselves and others? The answer to that was revealed in another example that came to my attention recently when I read an article about a man who had become a gifted potter, basket-maker and artist after having careers as a marine and police officer. Nothing wrong with either of those careers (marine or police officer) unless you attach your entire identity to them. Fortunately this man had seen beyond job description labels of himself and was able to tap into a deep, creative reservoir that had been bubbling beneath the surface for years. Imagine the gifts that might be unleashed on the world when we begin to see ourselves and everyone around us as unique, extraordinary creations with many gifts to share! Perhaps the most perfect gift we can give another is already right under our noses...the gift that each of us unleashes when we let go of self-limiting descriptions of who we are.

This week take a peek inside the box called "you" and see what unspoken treasures are waiting to be exposed when you dare to give up the "job description" version of yourself . Go ahead, the world is waiting for your gift.

And as always, enjoy the journey!

Quote of the Week:
"Up to a point, a man's life is shaped by his environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him; then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be . . . everyone has it within his power to say, this I am today - that I shall be tomorrow."

~~Louis L'Amour
Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe go to: http://www.dynamic-coaching.com

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