There Is Never the Perfect Time

By Ron Ulrici

Are you living with a jerk? Have you been plotting secretly for a long time to kick him out or just leave yourself? I bet that you have been waiting for that perfect moment. It's when he has pushed your buttons one too many times. Maybe it's when he's gone for the weekend.

But, that moment just doesn't happen. Just when you are about to walk out that door, he brings you flowers. Don't you hate it when that happens? At the last moment, Mr. Hyde turns into Doctor Jekyll in front of your eyes.

So what do you do? You melt, of course, and give him a reprieve. Down deep, you know that you have sold out. You pretend that he is changing; maybe this time is different.

Chances are - he is not changing; he is tuning into your frequency. He knows your vibes and has made a move to preserve his living conditions. You have fallen for it one more time.

Tired of being on this merry-go-around? There is no perfect time. It is rarely easy. You know what needs to be done. Don't just think about it, write down a plan.

1. Write a specific goal - I will move out by the end of October.
2. Mark the date on your calendar.
3. Tell a friend. Ask her to hold you accountable.
4. Prepare - pack, furniture, finances, etc.
5. If you've completed #4, leave earlier than planned!

Who am I to tell you all of this? Where do I get off? Well, my dear, I was the jerk to another woman like you. I was actually a drunken bastard who milked the situation for 23 years. When she was finally ready, she skipped steps 2, 3 and 4 and just left. In retrospect, I think that her plan was the easiest scenario.

If he is still around while you are packing, there may be too much time to reconcile; too much time for him to use his wiles on you. Besides that, it is too painful a process. It is so much less painful for you if he comes home to an empty house.

In the meantime, attend Al-Anon and read "Codependent No More." Your happiness depends on it.

Ron Ulrici has been in recovery for over 20 years. He has been a faithful member of 12 step programs since 1986. He has a Masters Degree in Human Behavior and has been a Human Resources professional in industry since 1966. http://www.justleavethebastard.com Ron and his partner Steve have created The One-Step Program of Ron-Anon to free millions of women living with drunken bastards. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Musings from the Bastard" at http://justleavethebastard.com/Newsletter.htm or purchase the "Just Leave the Bastard Workbook" at http://justleavethebastard.com/Store.htm