Seven Ways to Leave Your Lover

By Ron Ulrici

Paul Simon immortalized the many ways we can split the sheets with our partners, but how to leave your lover is not as important as when. My wife took 23 years to leave me, a practicing alcoholic at the time. That's 8,395 days that she will never recover. When she finally made the break, she just walked out. She took nothing but the clothes on her back. Her quality of life improved immediately and she has since retired to a tropical paradise with her current husband, a very fine gentleman.

We are all aware of the battered wives who stick with their man (brings up another song title, doesn't it?). Most people scratch their heads with no or little understanding of why women just don't leave. I believe that it involves addiction, attraction to the bad boy syndrome, and the "I can change him factor."

Whatever the reason, the quicker the fine lady just leaves him, the better. Of course, counseling and membership in support groups are necessary for the woman to root out the primary cause for her malady and fix it for good.

First things first: surgery is required. Remove the offending tumor (him) and then she can get radiation treatment to prevent reoccurrence.

The surgery must be radical. In other words, no compromises can be made. The patient is prone to forgive and forget too easily. When he promises that he is going to change, our heroine suffers from instant amnesia about the bad times, of which, there has been many. "OK, you can sleep on the couch until you find a place of your own," becomes one of the compromises she often makes. No, he must go.

Another recovering alcoholic and I created a program to help women in this endeavor. We feel because we were "the bastards," that we are imminently qualified to help women "pull the plug." Here are some simple instructions on how to do it.

7 tips on how to make it happen:

1. List all of your excuses why you don't to "it" and vow to never use these excuses again.
2. Make a list of the times he abused you.
3. Prepare a list of all the positive things that will happen when he is out of your life.
4. Develop Affirmations designed to keep your resolve. Say them several times a day.
5. Prepare strategies and tactics on how you will execute the leaving.
6. Schedule a fixed date and create a support system to guarantee execution on that date.
7. Leave and don't look back.

It sounds easy, but it is hard to do. Most of the things that we need to do in life are simple. You want to lose weight? Eat less and exercise more. Simple. So, why can't millions of people do it? The answer is also simple - deep rooted psychological reasons. That's it.
Simple, but hard to get in there and solve.

We all need help to slay our demons and achieve our dreams. Help comes in many forms. As former bastards, we want to help the millions of women who are mired in bad relationships. We know it is hard to leave any relationship especially that bad boy who you were wildly attracted to.

In the meantime, check out Al-Anon. Alanon is the all-time best support group for women who are living with a drunk husband or an alcoholic boyfriend. Find an Al-Anon meeting on-line and start attending meetings. If you are still wondering if "he" is an alcoholic, go on-line and type in alcohol abuse symptoms in your browser.

Ron Ulrici has been in recovery for over 20 years. He has been a faithful member of 12 step programs since 1986. He has a Masters Degree in Human Behavior and has been a Human Resources professional in industry since 1966. http://www.justleavethebastard.com Ron and his partner Steve have created The One-Step Program of Ron-Anon to free millions of women living with drunken bastards. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Musings from the Bastard" at http://justleavethebastard.com/Newsletter.htm or purchase the "Just Leave the Bastard Workbook" at http://justleavethebastard.com/Store.htm