10 Ways to Make Her Beg for More

Are you trying too hard? Or not hard enough? Strike the right balance and she won't be able to keep her mind, or her hands, off you

By: Sarah Miller

Women love men. We want your attention and love more than we want anything else on this planet. That's the good news. The less-good news is that the amount of attention and love we want is very specific. If you don't give us enough, we will get mad and seek it elsewhere. Shower us with too much, though, and we lose interest, right after we get grossed out. Striking the perfect balance makes us feel taken care of and independent all at once, and that makes you irresistible. These 10 simple lessons will help you find the right proportions.

1. You're trying too hard if you use any line other than "Hi, my name is Jimmy." You're not trying hard enough if you just stand there and drink beer.

The first step, as always, is getting a woman to go out with you. Whether you're talking to a friend of a friend, a woman you met at a bar, or a photogenic stranger online, you want to come across as interested and friendly but not desperate. You will not lose points for approaching with confidence. Remember, women want you to hit on them; it's why we wear tank tops and lipstick. Once you have engaged her attention, the really hard part is over. The best thing you can do at this point is just let her talk. She should be good at that.

When it's your turn, try to give answers that are not mumbled and are more detailed than a Magic 8-Ball response. Say something about why you got into your line of work or, if you hate your job, something about your pet. If you hate your job and you don't have a pet, you must be very unhappy, so then, of course, you could start talking about therapy. The point is, you can talk about anything, and if you're funny and relatively sure of yourself, she'll appreciate your input. When in doubt, turn the focus back on her.

Also, during initial encounters, it's common for guys to start ticking off their accomplishments. Such as, "It's funny you should mention your plans for the Fourth of July, because I happened to go to Harvard -- near Boston, where the American Revolution began." Keep in mind that talking to a woman for the first time is not a job interview, however similar the two might seem. Excerpt your resume sparingly.

2. You're trying too hard if the evening you've arranged required more than two reservations. You're not trying hard enough if you show up expecting her to improvise a game plan.

Some men make the mistake of going all out on the first date -- the limo, the four-star restaurant, the front-row seats. This worked for Frank Sinatra, but unless you once sold out the Copa Room at the Sands, it will not work for you.

If such luxury is not your standard, you're going to be out of your element at a time when you should be smack in its middle. Stick with what you know. Take her to a place you like, where the owner and host and waitstaff know you. Familiarity and friendliness impress us, unless it's a topless bar.

And don't forget: Clean your car. If you invite her back to your place at the end of the evening and your home is a little messy, that's not such a big deal. (You might even get bonus points because it will appear that your proposition wasn't premeditated.) A messy car, however, is a different story. Something about it just says, "I want to be alone. Forever."

3. Smitten can easily turn into pathetic.

It's natural, in the heat of a new relationship, to go wild. You want to whisk her away for a romantic weekend, you want to create brilliant mix CDs for her, you want to pull her into every available photo booth for cute snapshots of the two of you nuzzling. And if you're pretty sure she's 100 percent into you, go for it. (Just don't make us watch.) If, however, you sense that she's interested, yet not quite as over the moon as you are, try doing one of those things, but not all of them.

See, you shouldn't be afraid to try to win over a woman who's undecided about you; if it didn't occasionally work, the word "woo" wouldn't exist. But if you must pursue, do so without getting all neurotic about it, and simply because you enjoy the pleasure of her company. Most women find such pure dedication difficult to ignore.

Tip: Don't ever ask a woman you're dating, "Where is this going?" If you have to ask, the answer is not likely to be one you'll want to hear. And anyway, women have exclusive rights to that query, don't ya know?

4. When it comes to sex, her saying "Wow" is good. "Wow, are you auditioning for the circus?" means you probably need to ease it down a notch.
Women do like to have orgasms. We don't need to have 10 in one night. Secret, exciting techniques are great; if they're effective, it will be evident and there will be no need for a recap, complete with anatomy lesson, of what's just transpired. The good thing about sex is that it's intimate. The scary thing about sex is that intimacy brings out everyone's insecurities. Avoid the impulse to ask if it was good, and how good, and was it the best? As for trying to find out what she likes, you should be able to tell by her responses.

If you're not sure, say something like, "Just FYI, I take requests." Add a wink, and an icky conversation is successfully avoided.

Don't ask, "Did you enjoy that?" You'll sound like a waiter. A particularly annoying waiter, at that.

5. Communication: good. Poetry: bad.

My friend received an e-mail from her new boyfriend the other day that said, "I'm watching the skies of Seattle grayen and begin to weep, and taking some time to reflect on the day." This is a classic example of a guy trying way, way too hard. I don't know if she's broken up with him yet, but she's probably thinking about it. What's sad is that some ex-girlfriend probably told him he should share his feelings more, but then neglected to add that those feelings should be expressed in plain English and not dressed up in a stupid little outfit.

Women really want to hear absolutely everything, so talk, fax, e-mail, call us all you want. But when you do, make sure you sound genuine.

Rule of thumb: You know you're in trouble when you start making up words.

6. Think boyfriend, not butler.

Men with good manners are cute and can even be sexy. Men with excessively good manners are obsequious and often repulsive. It's a question of degree: If it's raining or she's wearing a formal gown, go ahead and open her car door first; otherwise, it's fine, after the first few dates, to just unlock it from inside. Getting her a drink from the bar is great, but don't order dinner for her.
Opening doors is nice, but not if you have to sprint ahead of her to do so. Leaving her at the coffeeshop while you run to the deli for the soy milk she likes or mailing a shower puff to her at the office because she mentioned in passing that she needs a new one (true stories) is way too attentive.

Relax. We're not expecting too much. Show us just a degree more courtesy than you'd show the next guy, and you'll impress.

7. Go the fun (not romantic with a capital R) route for a first-time getaway.

Flying to Paris with a man sounds romantic to a woman. Your mentioning it on date three sounds moderately psycho -- and a lot like a false promise. When you first knock suitcases with a new lover, make sure they're weekender bags -- and drive to a nearby casual destination. Heading to Texas for your cousin's wedding: not so casual.

Side note: If you're both outdoorsy and athletic, an adventurous weekend spent rafting or rock climbing will show off your muscles and be sure to impress. However, if you lack athletic grace, it's a bad idea to ask a woman you've just started seeing to go on, say, a ski weekend. Your sitzmark won't be sexy. Her fake fall to ease your embarrassment won't be subtle. Everyone will end up bruised and turned off.

8. You're trying too hard if you take her home to Mama too soon. You're not trying hard enough if she suspects you're an orphan.

It's okay -- good, even -- to talk about your family on early dates. It helps us create the emotional profile of you that we're building in our minds. But it's scary to a woman if you let slip too early that you told your mom about her. Or if you ask her to meet your parents before it's clear you're an exclusive couple.

Tip: Family photos on your fridge can launch intimate conversations. However, nonstop chatter about your nieces and nephews says you're trying too hard to convince us you're really into kids. This tends to be a common tipoff of commitment phobia. Consider yourself suspect.

9. Random acts of kindness impress. Doing everything for her is patronizing.

Changing the lightbulb in her high-ceilinged kitchen because you've noticed it's been out for a while and, well, you know she can't reach it and has a fear of ladders is the kind of stealth thoughtful move that makes a girl want to keep you around forever. Changing all the bulbs in her apartment to energy-saving fluorescent: trying too hard. Yes, women love men who volunteer their strength and guy knowledge when needed and, sometimes, without asking. The fact that you want to take care of her is sexy.

But bear in mind: She managed her life before you came along.

10. Remember: Your cousin Victor, who acts like a jerk but has nine girlfriends, is not a role model. He's a force of nature.

Yes, there are guys out there who treat women poorly and still get laid all the time. You wonder, Would I have better luck if I behaved the way they do? You wouldn't. And here's why: Those guys are either really gorgeous or otherwise oozing some mysterious sex appeal that can be neither identified nor emulated. Sorry. Some day those men will be old and will not, like you, have cultivated all these amazing woman-pleasing skills. Their beautiful young wives will cheat on them with the next generation of sex-seeping slimeballs. Take comfort in this.

In the meantime: You're sentenced to a romantic life demanding a healthy modicum of effort, many acts of kindness, and occasional restraint. Start now!

Source: Men's Health