College Speaking Success - Dating, Relationships, & Sexuality

By Paul Davis

As a love coach who has traveled to over 50 countries and 6 continents counseling singles and couples, I have been privileged to cross-culturally interact with people throughout the earth. I have come to learn that we all have the same basic needs and inner longings.

Each of us inwardly yearns for meaningful relationship, recognition, affirmation, and personal expression. We are social creatures that inherently need one another. This is how we are wired. To neglect or deny such is to live a mediocre life in isolation and misery.

Of course we all have been disappointed at some time relationally, but we don't have to sabotage our future love life by reason of our past pain. We can forgive and live; let go and enter a new life flow. As we do new blessings and wonderful people shall come into our life.

Being transparent and vulnerable is quite natural for children. However once we've been hurt and bruised, it is easy to erect walls. My job as a love coach and counselor is to help people again feel valuable, special, and live freely.

Fear many times grips our hearts when we are wounded relationally. After such a devastating experience it is natural that we are more guarded and careful before bearing our hearts with someone. Yet this simultaneously hinders our ability to deeply connect with people as we instead seek to protect.

It is my belief that connection is more important than protection. Of course we must protect ourselves from bodily harm and danger, but as it applies to our emotions, I feel it is better for us to be in circulation and freely embrace meaningful interaction.

Only than shall we enjoy life and love. Live and love fearlessly so you don't have to ever live with regret. Second guessing yourself and others is exhausting. Just simply communicate what you are feeling so everything is clear and people know how you feel. When you do those who aren't meant for you will move on and those who are predestined for you will serendipitously come to you!

Trust me I have applied, walked, and lived out these principles unto fruition. I have been broken hearted, hurt, demoralized, and seemingly despised. Yet in my own eyes I always have inwardly upheld myself and moved forward fearlessly and happily. Hence good things and marvelous people always come into my life to celebrate me!

I wish the same unconditional love and happiness for you! Let it begin within you as you give it unto yourself first and teach the world how to treat you!

Celebrate you today and don't let the past get in your way!

You are special, valuable, and a precious treasure!

Paul captivates students, transcends their limitations, & brings transformation!
Among the most popular topics Paul is asked to speak on are:

• Diversity Celebration, Ethnic Understanding, & Education Without Borders
• Dating & Relationships / Love & Sexuality / Overcoming Disappointment
• Career Development, Entrepreneurship, & Riding The Waves of Change
• Nutrition & Health / Substance Abuse Prevention & Liberation from Addiction
• Peacemaking & Non-Violence / Democracy & Foreign Policy / Author Tours & Debates
• Paul is the author of 12 books, 2 have been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize.

www.PaulFDavis.com

RevivingNations@gmail.com

Paul's compassion for people has taken him to over 50 countries & 6 continents empowering people to live their dreams!

Paul worked at Ground Zero in NYC during 9/11; helped rebuild a home at the tsunami epicenter; comforted victims of genocide in Rwanda; comforted leaders in East Timor during the war; inspired students in Myanmar; spoke throughout India, China, Pakistan, & parts of Africa where they've never seen a white man.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Paul_Davis

Does Honesty Hurt Relationships?

By CD Mohatta

Does honesty help a relationship or it hurts a relationship? This question bothers many of us when it comes to revealing something serious. Shall I tell him/her about the last night? What if things go wrong? How to tell? What if I do not tell but he/she comes to know about it? So many questions hammer us when we want to hide truth. And revealing truth may be equally serious in our opinion. So what should be done?

If we are not totally honest and open with our beloved, that means we are not sure about our relationship. That means that we do not have confidence in each other. That means that the relationship is fragile. Why worry about a relationship, which is fragile. Such a relationship will break for some or other reason.

A strong relationship can take any storm. In a strong relationship, we are ready for some disagreement but know that ultimately things will be same as be fore. In a strong relationship we are totally open with each other. We tell everything to our partner and are sure that no break-up will occur. Such relationship gives joy.

If you hide something from your partner you will always suffer from the guilt and worry about hat if he/she gets to know about that. That is not a happy relationship. Such relationships cause stress, rather than giving any pleasure. To get pleasure, have confidence, tell your partner everything about your past, and expect that they will not only understand but also comfort you about that. That is the sign of a open and strong relationship. There is another way out. Draw boundaries and agree about them with each other. I may do some thing in this area but you have no right to know about that. If such an agreement is drawn and agreed upon by the partners many problems get solved. But this kind of relationship is not close. Have your choice about what you want to do.

Myspace users, click for myspace comments such as compliments, cool comments, love, flirty, birthday, holidays, religion, funny, cute, etc. You can also use myspace graphics in topics like birthday graphics, comment graphics, holidays, daily fun, love, expressions and friendship. If you are active on Orkut, use Orkut Graphics to scrap your friends.

Relationships - Where Did the Love Go?

By Susan Derry

It seems safe to assume that most marriages do not begin with divorce as their goal. For the most part, those who chose to marry are very much “in love.” Yet way too often, months or years down the line, many couples find themselves wondering where their loving feelings have gone. They just can’t seem to find them anymore. She no longer feels attracted to him or he no longer feels attracted to her.

What went wrong?

You may have heard the song, “Love Hurts” and the reality is that this is only too true. We inevitably hurt the ones we love at one time or another, usually and hopefully unintentionally. But intentions do not make the hurt any less painful.

When we hurt each other a common human response is to withdraw and withhold. We may withdraw and start building a little wall to protect ourselves from getting hurt again. We may begin to withhold a part of our affection for our partner, since we don’t feel they are particularly deserving of our love. The problem is that when we do what comes naturally we create a gulf between us and loving feelings can start to fade.

Chances are that couples with strong, loving relationships also hurt each other at times. Yet somehow they weather these stormy grounds with their relationship intact. What can we learn from these couples? There are differences in their attitudes and approach to their relationship, which make it possible for them to get past hurts and disappointments.

Attitudes of Lasting Couples

Valuing Each Other and Their Relationship
They consistently pay attention and communicate with each other. First of all this means that they will be aware of hurting the other and it also means that they can learn something from the experience. This greatly reduces the accumulation of resentment in the relationship and reduces the chance of those resentments later exploding all over everyone.

Unselfishness
They think more of their partner than they do of themselves. In other words they are more concerned with, “What am I doing to make my marriage work?” than they are with, “What am I getting out of my marriage?” This unselfish attitude makes them more willing to apologize and find ways to make things work for both. There is far less blame throwing and much more cooperation.

Vulnerability
They work things out rather than withdrawing and withholding. They allow themselves to remain vulnerable with each other and build bonds of trust. They understand that although they may be frustrated with each other, working it out is more important than getting even.

Respect

They always treat each other with respect and consistently allow the other to retain their dignity. They build each other up rather than tear each other down. They can express frustration and criticism without resorting to name calling or belittling. They attack the problem rather than attacking their partner.

The absence of these four important attitudes will lead to a loss of love. Taking each other for granted, being disrespect, selfish, and guarded will gradually drain the loving feelings from even the best relationship.

Susan DerryProfessional Counselor & Life CoachCo-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course. Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

What If - A Challenging Way to Build Relationships

By Sally C. Brown

I woke up this morning in a zany mood and thought "e-gads" what would happen if I spent the whole day telling everyone I met, "I know something good about you!"

I guess I'd get locked up somewhere in a hurry...people might wonder what I wanted or what I was plotting to do next...

Tell me the truth, when was the last time you told your wife, husband, child, friend, neighbor, or co-worker..."I know something good about you..."

On the other hand when was the last time you heard someone say the same thing to you? That's right, not often enough...

Telling people that you know something good about them is a simple means to build good, healthy relationships and enhance your communication ability...

How about turning things around for a change...Yes, you and me. We can stop people dead in their tracks... blow them down with a feather...

Am I nuts or what! Hmmm, well maybe a bit, but then again "nothing ventured, nothing gained..."

Suppose... just suppose, if in the heat of an argument with your wife, your teenage son, your boss or co-worker..you paused...took a deep breath...and with gusto blurted out, "Did you know that I know something good about you?"

Wham...wouldn't that make them swallow their tongue or catch their words in midair...Let's take it a step further.

How about having this slogan flashing across our TV and computer screens... stuck on our car bumpers...or printed on our shirts and jackets as a friendly reminder!

Let's contribute to building up the good that is out there... for those who know how to look for it...recognize it...affirm it and pass it on...Are you game?

Oh, I've got a better one for you... What about a smile and a shout..."I know something good about you" at the neighbor who cuts you off on the way to work nearly every day... instead of an angry retort and a squawk of the horn? Yep, now you're getting it.

Here's one more...It's the end of the day...You rush home only to be met with...a bicycle parked in the middle of the driveway...the dog barking...the kids in a tiff...your teenage daughter arguing with your wife...and all around the dinner table there's a tension you can cut with a knife...

As a working parent all you're looking for is a bit of peace and harmony...You're about to tear your hair out and protest...instead you jump up from your seat...thump on the table... and in a deep melodious voice you sing out..."I know something good about each one of you..."

Yeah...wouldn't that knock the socks off of 'em.

How about it folks are you up to the challenge...

Could you use this simple method to increase your communications potential and improve your relationships?

Why not give it a try and remember... "I know something good about you too."
Sally Brown, M.A., Sp. Director, is a trained educator and spiritual director. She has worked in the educational system for over forty years as an administrator, teacher, mentor and spiritual director. Her experience stretches from preschool, elementary and junior high school, high school, youth to adults. She has taught and given workshops in California, Texas, Louisiana, New Jersey, Florida, Colorado and in Italy. She was an associate of The New Life Institute for Human Development in Virginia and The Mercy Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado where she worked with men and women Catholic sisters and priests.

For any further information, comments or inquiries contact info@effective-spiritual-parenting.com

The Power of Words - How to Avoid Stomping on Personal and Customer Relationships

By Sandy Reed

The power of the word is real whether or not you are conscious of it.
Your own words are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize. Behind every word flows energy.

Sonia Choquette
One of the most profound powers we have, in our business or personal life, is the power of speech. The way we talk to people, and ourselves, shapes our relationships; and these relationships shape our world.

When you speak to someone in a gentle, loving tone of voice, you will most likely receive a gentle, loving response – and build a relationship of caring and trust. When you talk to someone in a condescending manner, being sarcastic, hateful, or just plain nasty, you will probably get back the same.

I had an experience recently with the latter situation. I'm in the process of setting up a new blog in WordPress for Inner Clarity. I chose a web hosting company based on a recommendation from another coach. This whole blog scenario and its set-up is new to me, so I've been getting a lot of mental exercise learning about cpanel, Fantastico, and MySQL, etc. Sounds like a foreign language, doesn't it?

I've been working my way through the steps of learning this new language, so I can create my blog, without much support except online documentation. When I had questions for my new web hosting company, I expected help – not ridicule. In the beginning they were somewhat helpful, but obviously irritated about my lack of experience. As time went on, and other issues came up, they became downright condescending in our email communications. Every day I dreaded having to contact them about any questions or concerns I might have encountered.

This whole situation came to a climactic end when I asked them to make a change in my domain name set-up. As a result of the change they made, I lost all the work I had already entered into WordPress. They didn't inform me at any time that this was a possibility. Nonetheless, they managed to make it appear that the loss of data was my own fault, and had nothing to do with the changes they made.

It seemed that the words they used and the tone of their emails were geared towards making me feel inadequate and ignorant - and they succeeded! While their evaluation of my skill level, at that point, may have been accurate, that is certainly not the way to keep customers – not to mention get referrals. It became crystal clear that this was not a company I wanted to deal with on an ongoing basis, so I cancelled my account with them. My only regret is that I didn't cancel it sooner…

What's the point of this story? If you want to build a successful business, be aware of the impact your words have on your customers and the people who support you. If you're trying to irritate your clients so they'll move on, then the condescending, sarcastic words and tone of voice may be appropriate. But if you want to have happy customers and support people, you probably want to take a different tactic.

Here are 3 tips for choosing the right words to fit your situation.

1. Use the "positivity sandwich". When you have a need to correct someone, express disappointment, or give feedback, use the "positivity sandwich". This is a term coined by Dale Carnegie; author of the classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People". This concept operates on the basic premise that you can tell anyone anything if you sandwich it between two positive statements.

When using the positivity sandwich, the ACT with Tact approach may be helpful. ACT is an acronym for Appreciate, Correct (or Communicate), and Thank. In the book by Linda Kavelin Popov, "A Pace of Grace", she writes about the ACT with Tact approach for giving feedback about sensitive situations. Here's an example.

My ex-web hosting company could have said something like, "I appreciate and understand you're trying to learn something new. Why don't you try doing it this way? We value your business". Can you imagine what a different relationship we would have had!

2. Use the "Would you be willing" approach. When there's something you want, but don't quite know how to get it without offending the other person and starting an argument, try asking them "would you be willing to…" This is an approach used by Marshall Rosenburg, in his enlightening work on Nonviolent Communication. When you use this gentle approach to a sensitive situation, it shows you are caring and considerate of the other person's feelings and whatever may be going on in their life. In this way, you can ask for what you want without criticizing, condemning, or complaining. Just be sure you're using a tone of voice that says you're being sincere in your request.

3. What do you say when you talk to yourself? You tend to show the world the feelings you have inside of you. If you're being critical and condemning yourself on a regular basis, it's tough to be in a state of graciousness to others. The solution to self-criticism is to catch yourself when that internal critic takes over, STOP it in its tracks, and instead look for things you have done right – things that you can appreciate about yourself. Elevate your negative self-talk to, "I know how to do this", or "I'm clear about the next logical step to take", or "I know I can figure out how to….", etc.

We all have our unique approaches to life. Just because your internal guidance led you to do something a particular way, and someone else did it differently, doesn't mean you were wrong. It just means you're different. We need different viewpoints and creations in this world. Be willing to give up the self-criticism and celebrate your uniqueness. Don't get hung up on the "good opinion of others". Here's a wonderful quote that expresses the beauty of diversity.
"You don't get harmony when everyone sings the same note." - Doug Floyd

The power of your words, whether external or internal, shapes your world and carries over into your physical and emotional state of being. Your internal critic may be replaying those critical and condemning words you heard as a child. These are the words you came to believe because other people were describing you to you, and we tend to believe other people more than we believe ourselves – especially as a small child. You can learn to replace these hurtful words with words of love and support for yourself.

If you're having a challenge in your life, whether it is health, finances, personal, or business; look to see if your words are supporting or hindering your progress towards your goals. You may find the answer to your challenges just by listening to what you say when you talk to yourself.

Sandy Reed, Certified Life Coach, ex-corporate manager, and small business owner, is the coach to call for support when you’re ready to break out of the corporate prison, and create a life of freedom and flexibility. Visit her website at http://www.innerclaritylifecoaching.com for more tools and information and to sign-up for her free mini-ecourse “7 Steps to Personal Power”.

How Vacation Ownership and Timeshares are Helping Family Relationships - More Famililies Buying It

By Lori Wilk


Vacation ownership and timeshare is definitely helping families get together again and in a more comfortable style as the fast-growing vacation lifestyle choice.

Whether you have a small or large family, if you have people you love, you feel obligated to see them and spend time together. This doesn't mean that you don't also need a vacation. Let's face it, we love our family members, most of the time, just kidding, but it can be very stressful visiting family members.

Anyone who says that there's no stress in juggling the commitments of getting together with family members is probably not being honest with themselves. The more people you plan to visit, the more arrangements you need for the logistics including lodging, transportation, and all those meals.

Timeshare and vacation ownership is changing the way families visit and vacation and helping take some of the stress out of these family visits. There's a huge difference between visiting in someone's living room and sleeping on an air mattress and then sharing a bathroom with 7 or 8 other people as compared to staying at a luxury resort with multiple bedrooms, bathrooms, and amenities such as swimming pools and outdoor barbeque grills.

Now that we own our vacation, we select a resort to stay at which is close enough for our family to come to us and enjoy the quality time together. Most of the time, we are flying into their city and have already spent money to get within an hour of their home location and we've taken time off of jobs to be with them. It's great to have the family come to our resort and then to have them leave and go back to their own homes so we can have a combination visit and vacation.

Our adult children are also coming to our city more and staying at the ownership resorts instead of our living room. They tell us they like features such as shuttle service to drop them off in town so they can have some recreational activities and shop and make their time fun and our family-time together less stressful.

In fact, the happier the family members are with the vacation ownership and timeshare, the more they are looking forward to family get togethers and this is changing our family for the better. Vacation ownership could just might be best thing that ever happened to yours.

Lori Wilk, MBA is a high-energy, Las Vegas motivational speaker, author, and producer of television, radio, internet, and live events.

She hosts "Successipes" at http://www.success-talk.com about success in business and living. If you enjoyed this article, syndicate me, add me to your web site , or click on http://www.loriwilkarticles.com. c.2007 Lori Wilk.

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