Post-divorce love resolutions

By Nina Malkin

When the ball drops this New Year’s Eve, let it be a signal for getting on with your social life. Make it official by adopting these promises to yourself—they’ll help you gain confidence, attract others and bring romance and connection into your life.

1. “I will rethink my relationship criteria.”
Most people seek specific qualities in a partner and that’s fine, but it’s also important to heed how you want to feel when you’re involved with someone. “Turn the focus inward and explore how you want to feel as opposed to what you want,” says relationship and divorce coach Debbie Ford, author of Spiritual Divorce. “Happiness is too broad a statement—refine it.” Do you want to feel safe? Respected? Excited? Challenged? Devote adequate time and energy to your search—it’s too important a process to do while multitasking. Go through magazines and cut out images that evoke the emotional state you’re going for.

2. “I will enhance my appearance.”
It needn’t be a major transformation. Even a subtle tweak renews your commitment to and interest in yourself—that in itself makes you attractive to others. Get a new haircut, update your wardrobe, drop a few pounds or amp up your level of fitness. It’s not just about looking more attractive to potential dates: “You’ll feel like a million and project a more confident attitude,” says certified life coach and relationship expert Amy Schoen of HeartmindConnection.com. While you’re at it, go beyond the physical—develop your mind and soul with classes, reading, workshops, etc.

3. “I will date different types.”
“Keep an open mind, and don’t rule out certain demographic criteria, such as age and occupation,” says Joan Allen, author of Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right: From Stalemate to Soulmate, who speaks from personal experience. “When I met my boyfriend four years ago, I mentally rejected him at first because he doesn’t have a college degree, and I have a master’s. I decided to give him a chance, and I’ve learned an enormous amount from him.” Some other ways to date different types: Open up your age range to date at least seven years younger and older than you’d originally think. Go out with someone of another race or religion or of a physical type unlike your ex. Bring this approach to Internet romance, too, urges Erika Moore, co-founder of the online dating advice site www.RomanceLanguage.org. “Read the profile of each person who contacts you, even if you’re not immediately jazzed by the photo,” Moore says. Someone who’s not your type at first glance might prove to be exactly your type once you read that profile.

4. “I will explore various dating venues.”
Everyone romanticizes the concept of “meeting cute” over a toppling pyramid of apples in the grocery store. Good luck with that—so be sure to also open your options. Maybe it’s online dating, singles’ cruises, or good old blind dates. “You’ll meet people who would never have crossed your path otherwise,” says Schoen.

5. “I won’t be embarrassed by wanting love.”
Sometimes the newly divorced think they should be “over” relationships. And it is important to take enough time to heal, grow, and enjoy your own company. But the desire for a loving relationship is as basic as it is beautiful. “It shouldn’t be a stigma just because your former marriage didn’t last,” says Ford. Reach out to others—ask friends if they know interesting singles; tell them you want to be fixed up.

6. “I will not trash my ex or discuss dirty divorce details on my dates.”
There’s a natural impulse to do so, according to Ford: “It’s an unconscious way of trying to attain release and resolution — plus, you’re probably nervous about the date — so you pour out your history. But you’re programming this person with negativity about yourself.” Rather than TMI him/her to death, exorcise your ex pre-date—by writing in your journal or having a head-clearing conversation with a trusted friend. Then you can go out and concentrate on what you really want to talk about.

7. “I will do what I love.”
Rediscover the activities you once enjoyed and put aside during your marriage. Or try something new that intrigues you now. “Dive into your hobbies and interests and have fun,” says Carolyn B. Ellis, the coach and counselor behind www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com and author of The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive After Divorce. “As a bonus you might meet someone with similar passions who could be dating material.”

8. “I will date emotionally healthy people.”
Nobody’s perfect and everyone has baggage, but choose to welcome the responsible, self-sufficient and emotionally healthy into your life. “Creating your life after divorce will take your energy, so don’t let it be drained by taking on any relationships that present huge challenges,” says Ellis.

9. “I will be solid in my new relationship before I involve my children.”
Kids, as you know, go through divorce, too. “It’s great for your children to know you have a personal life and that they are not responsible for your happiness, but they are still dealing with the divorce, so giving them a play-by-play of your dating life is inadvisable,” says Ellis. In fact, you don’t want them to meet your dates (and get attached to anyone you’re seeing) until you know you’re in a relationship that is established and committed.

10. “I will create an amazing online profile.”
If you’re new to online dating, start out right. “Create a profile that’s appealing, readable, and upbeat with a current, flattering, smiling photo,” says Moore. “Invent a memorable user name, write an attention-grabbing headline, tell an amusing story.” Remember to update your profile and picture from time to time. The newly divorced are in the process of growing and changing; your profile should reflect this.

11. “I will adopt a ‘no bad dates!’ policy.”
Does the woman you invited out find it necessary to check email and answer phone calls throughout your rendezvous? Is the guy you’re just not clicking with trying to convince you to see him again because he makes a lot of money and can take you to incredible places? “Make an inner commitment to not tolerate anything but excellence,” says Ford. “Promise yourself that you’ll meet fun people and have great dates.” If someone is (for whatever reason) not up to snuff, be gently frank, as in: “I really enjoyed meeting you, but I just don’t think we’re a match.”

12. “I will make at least one new platonic friend this year.”
It may not seem like a direct route to romance, but odds are your new friend will enrich your life… and will have fascinating, attractive single friends, too. Schoen suggests joining a support group with other divorced individuals. “You’ll bond with others who are experiencing many of the same things you are,” she says. It’s a ready-made support group. And as you get your dating “sea legs” back, it may be just what you need in the year ahead.

Nina Malkin is the author of An Unlikely Cat Lady: Feral Adventures in the Backyard Jungle.

Source : MSN

How To Get Back Into Dating After A Divorce

By Clyde Lee Dennis

When a marriage ends in divorce dating again can be quite uncomfortable… In the beginning. After having been out of the dating scene for possibly years you may be somewhat intimidated about getting back in the game. Like anything else though, with a little of practice it won't seem quite so intimidating to you. The unknown is always uncomfortable or alarming, but do not let this stop you. Your confidence will develop with even just a little practice. Be patient and remember practice makes perfect.

You'll first want to prepare yourself mentally to increase your social life and to take new risks. Talk to those you're close to about your plans to begin dating. They can be a great source of information and support, and may even know someone you might like to meet. These friends will also be a great resource for finding out where to go to meet people locally, or on the Internet. Don't be embarassed to pick their brains on matters you're not yet caught up on. This will make it less intimidating.

To give yourself a boost, take on a positive attitude, and catch yourself whenever you start feeling negative. In the early stages refrain from being overly self-critical. Realize that everybody comes with a little baggage, mental scars, or other issues that make us all a little shaky about ourselves on occasion.

On a first date it's a good idea to plan on meeting in a public place. This allows both parties to feel more comfortable as personal safety is removed as an obstacle.

If the date goes well take the time to get to know each other gradually over time. There really is no rush. At this point you've been down this road before so you know what you want and don't want in a person and relationship. Now is the time to discover whether or not these characteristics are present.

A word of caution here, do not be in a hurry to introduce whom ever you're dating to your family. Doing this only adds unnecessary pressure to your growing relationship. When the time is right to exchange family greetings it will feel like a natural part of the process.

By taking time to get to know potential partners, and allowing yourself to become comfortable with each other before you know it you will have lost all of those initial dating jitters.
Jewish Dating

Causes of Divorce

By Ismail Ahmed Alhashmi

In our life we come across many such resources (including websites, divorce experts/attorneys etc) that are working to safeguard marriages and provide ways and means to educate people in-order to have a happy life and stay married forever. On the other hand also there are found organizations, institutions and experts who would do their best efforts to provide happiness to people by drawing them out of miserable marital life they are experiencing for whatsoever reason may be and that’s through divorce.

Well people on both these extremes are doing their part of work in promoting harmony, love and peace amongst people. Some focus on resolving the issues that arises in marital life while others focal point is to show people how divorce can bring an end to miserable relationship letting people breathe freely after they get divorced. But very wisely said it is always better to work on the cause rather than looking at the effect. Therefore we should think on finding the roots of the problems that more often than not occur in marriage and if can not be eradicated at least we can try to avoid them from happening after marriage.

As far the matter of divorce is concerned, The United States of America has the highest divorce rate of 3.8 divorces of 7.5 marriages per 1,000 people.

If we can not save many marriages, although many are making their utmost efforts to preserve it, at least we can try to identify the reason and grounds that become causes of divorce in most of the cases.

Every state of The United States has defined a set of reasons of divorce on the basis of which divorce may be granted. In most cases, the causes of divorce are complex and are specific to a couple's relationship, their troubles, and their own life experiences. Many people have cited “irreconcilable differences,” “irretrievable breakdown,” or “incompatibility” as major causes of divorce in different locations. The most commonly stem from one specific issue that is compounded by a lack of commitment to the marriage and having a poor or bad communication in between each other. There are other common causes of divorce that include money, infidelity, and career choices.

Marriage experts agree to the fact that communication problems are the root causes of divorce and they further lead and give birth to other as well. Because when two people lack communication, they are unable to solve problems that may occur in the marriage. Many married couples think that the minor problems that occur in their marriage, are insignificant, and are not worth talking about; however, they fail to realize that even the smallest things can cause conflict between the two when they are not able to solve them through communication.
Many couples lack communication when it comes to making decisions about shared finances.
And here money also become of the reason of divorce. Many people say money is the root of evil; the disagreement in a decision shown by one spouse can bring a drastic effect on the marriage.

With this connection when there are mismatch in the decisions made in financial matters, the support provided for children by both the parents weakens a lot. It results in poor child care, poor or no education and every other node of the chain. Eventually children become apple of discord between parents which jeopardizes the marriage. When one of the parents is closely related to children and the other is not able to provide attention, the relation takes another extreme turn and that is affairs (whether emotional infidelity or extramarital sex i.e. adultery) and which is becoming a very common cause and reason of divorce today.

As time passes by a spouse then finds warmth and affection from outside the relationship. Consequently starts cheating on the other and affairs tend to start. The outsider (to the marital relationship) then gradually starts filling hatred in your heart against your spouse. It truly fulfills no purpose, and can only aid in destroying what is left of the couple's marriage.

Therefore, divorce, no matter whatsoever the reason is, is never as easy as it is conceived.
Whether a couple’s decision to divorce is for the good or bad, it is certain there are many affect that it has on the couple’s individual lives. The major causes of divorce so far clearly identified could be communication problems, lack of commitments, children support, money, affair and adultery.

Ismail Ahmed is a Legal Advisor and SEO based Content Writer of http://www.aboutdivorce.org

Rhode Island Divorce Tip - A Checklist Helps

By Christopher Pearsall

A Rhode Island Divorce filing has it's own forms and its own procedure. It can help to have all the forms you need. All the forms you need to file your Rhode Island Divorce Action from any of the Family Court Clerk's Offices.

So what are the typical Rhode Island Divorce Forms you'll need?

1. Summons Form (in Duplicate)

2. Complaint Form

3. Nominal Track Notice Form

4. Notice of Automatic Orders

5. Family Court Statement Listing Children of the Marriage (in Duplicate)

6. Family Services Counseling Unit Form

7. Rhode Island Department of Health Report of Divorce Form

8. Family Court Statement of Assets, Liabilities, Income and Expenses (DR-6)

9. Affidavit of Non-Military Service (if the Defendant Does not Appear).

There are other forms that are necessary in your checklist depending upon the length of the process. Hopefully your divorce process will be short. Let's assume for the sake of argument that you have a very agreeable divorce that leads up to a 10 minute Nominal Hearing where everything is agreed to and is just formally placed upon the record of the court. In that instance your checklist expands as follows:

10. You must prepare an Interlocutory Decision Pending Entry of Final Judgment that must be checked by one of the clerks of court for the vital case information and then ordered (signed) by the Judge and Entered by the Clerk. This is the temporary order of the court that governs the parties before the entry of the Final Judgment of Divorce and should mirror what the judge orders at your nominal hearing.

11. After the expiration of the 91 day waiting period by statute the Judge may then sign a Final Judgment of Divorce which again is checked by the clerk, ordered by the judge and then entered by the clerk to finalize your divorce. The final judgment would, with minor exceptions, mirror the temporary order.

Keep in mind that this is just a basic checklist and details change with each case. Most assuredly Paragraphs #10 and #11 pose the greatest challenge to those people who are representing themselves as well as attorneys who are not well versed in verbage necessary to protect their clients, to include on the record, and insure are in the temporary order and final decree.

This article is for informational purposes only and is not legal advice. You should not take legal action without legal advice from a licensed practitioner who has been fully informed about your specific circumstances.

Visit http://www.ChristopherPearsall.com for More Helpful Rhode Island Divorce Tips

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