How Marriage Helps Your Brain

Does matrimony make you smarter? The latest science says: I do
Thomas Crook, PhD, Prevention

I dedicated a recent book, The Memory Advantage, to my wife, Kay, writing: "I knew when I met her that she would be unforgettable." One of the reasons Kay made such an impact on me is that she is devoted to the pursuit of knowledge — about everything from movie blockbusters and interior design to 18th-century epic poetry and primitive art.

Each day, Kay makes a point of learning new information and passing much of it on to me in the evening. For example, she recently read a book called The Intellectual Devotional (published by Rodale, which also publishes Prevention), from which we both learned the origin of John Milton's epic poem "Paradise Lost," the history of the Lascaux cave paintings in France, and more. I, too, share with Kay much of what I learn every day, and after years of doing this, we've become each other's best teacher.

From my perspective as a neuroscientist, this is ironic because the changes that occur in the brain during the early stages of love are not conducive to intellectual pursuits. The feeling of euphoria, the sometimes obsessive desire to be with your beloved... all make concentration on anything else almost impossible.

Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, researchers have actually observed the effects of love on the brain. When people in the early stages of infatuation are shown photos of their sweethearts and told to think about them, areas of the brain rich in the chemical dopamine are activated. Dopamine produces very powerful pleasurable sensations. Cocaine and amphetamine, for example, produce their effects by spurring the release of dopamine.

As relationships mature, however, those areas are less responsive to the mere sight of one's lover. To be successful, the relationship must evolve from dopamine-driven euphoria to a more mindful cultivation of love and respect. Flowers and candlelight dinners help, but so do exploring and experiencing the world together. In fact, one area of the brain that "lights up" in these later stages of love is the cortex, the same place where information is stored and rational decisions are made.

As I've stressed in previous columns, new information builds fresh neural networks at any age. Here are some ways to strengthen your marriage (and get smarter in the process):

Take dancing lessons
The combined physical and mental challenge is a great brain workout.

Watch movies and discuss the plot and characters

Research shows that men and women use different areas of the brain when viewing films, resulting in different perspectives and insights.

Throw a party for a diverse group and then debrief each other the next day

Areas of the brain involved in learning and memory can be stimulated by social interaction, and you may be surprised at how differently the two of you interpret the evening's party politics.

Learn a language together

Gradually incorporate new words and phrases into your conversations. Or sign up for Merriam-Webster's "Word of the Day." It's a free service (m-w.com) that delivers the definition and origin of a new word via e-mail each day.

Take on a home project to learn each other's skills

There is no reason a wife can't rewire a lamp or, speaking from experience, a husband can't learn about wall colors other than white. At the very least, learning new skills together gives you and your spouse something to talk about other than the kids and work

Get some game!

Try to outsmart your spouse at one of our all-new fun and challenging games at prevention.com/braingames.

Thomas Crook, PhD, a clinical psychologist, has conducted extensive research to improve our understanding of how the brain works. He is a former research program director at the National Institute of Mental Health and is CEO of Cognitive Research Corp. in St. Petersburg, FL.

[via MSN]

‘My boyfriend has no ambition’

Dr. Gail Saltz advises a girl on what to do about her unmotivated partner
By Gail Saltz
TODAYShow.com contributor

Q. I love my boyfriend and have never been happier, but he has no ambition. While it's not a problem now because we are young and I am still in college, I am afraid it will be one day down the line. He has absolutely no dreams other than to live life. But he has so much talent and he takes brilliant pictures. If he had the motivation to apply himself, he could be a great photographer.

I feel this is a problem because I have big dreams and when I am done with school, I am going for them. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and I do not want him to settle for anything less than his best or my best, for that matter. How do I help him believe in himself and make him see that there is more to life?

A. You might not be able to.

It’s not clear what elements go into making a person driven or ambitious, but obviously this personality characteristic comprises many factors. Some people are born with a more intense, assertive, demonstrative temperament than others. There is also a psychological component to this, which you note when you ask how you can make him believe in himself. Some people are truly conflicted about succeeding and therefore avoid it.

Your assumption is that he doesn’t believe in himself and therefore he doesn’t try. That’s possible. Some people are so lacking in confidence that they don’t try because they believe they will fail.

Others merely lack intensity. They may not feel the need to be exceptionally successful, and truly find pleasure in the moment rather than striving toward the future.

It’s not that somebody who lacks drive and ambition is bad or flawed, but such a person has a different personality than you do. If this is truly a pervasive part of your boyfriend’s nature — if he never feels that any work effort is worthwhile — that can be a problem for a couple. The same goes for any big difference in a significant domain in life, such as future goals.

It sounds like you want your boyfriend to change but he is content with how he is. Pointing out how he could change, and the advantages of doing so, either will or won’t move him to action.

But if you have been trying to change him and it isn’t working, I suspect he is just a laid-back kind of guy. It may simply not be in his temperament to be competitive. If this is the case, marriage to this man will make for a lot of frustration.

If you could truly be happy to take the lead and be the breadwinner, that would be fine. In fact, some people want to be the star of their relationship and don’t do well with a competitive spouse. But if it is important to you to be part of a power team and you need a husband who shares your passion for goals and success, then this kind of difference can truly erode your future: He might get tired of hearing that you don’t like the way he is. You might end up feeling contempt and disdain for his lack of ambition. You might feel ashamed of him in the presence of your friends and colleagues.

If you have children, these issues come to bear in your parenting style. Some parents push their kids to achieve; others take a hands-off approach. This is yet another realm where you might butt heads.

So if you can’t change your man’s behavior and you can’t change your own attitude, you should take a pause and examine whether this relationship can work well for the long term. This isn’t a small, easily-ignored issue.

Look inside yourself to see if this will be an ongoing source of disappointment and frustration for you, and if you will always wish to turn your man into something he is not. It might be worth exploring this issue with a couples counselor, who could shed further insight with an objective third-party view.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: A fundamental difference in life approaches can erode a relationship if one partner doesn’t take action.

Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to TODAY. Her latest book is “Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie.” She is also the author of “Amazing You! Getting Smart About Your Private Parts,” which helps parents deal with preschoolers’ questions about sex and reproduction. Her first book, “Becoming Real: Overcoming the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back,” was published in 2004 by Riverhead Books. It is now available in a paperback version. For more information, you can visit her Web site, www.drgailsaltz.com.

A Small Wedding Provides Flexibility

By Marie Esselstein

Though the average wedding today has 150 guests and costs thousands upon thousands of dollars, if you are able to keep your wedding small you will find there are a lot of special advantages. For example:

A tiny wedding can be held almost anywhere. If your heart is set on flying over the Grand Canyon, hiking to a summit or scuba diving as you say your vows, it can be done.

"Receptions" can be intimate parties rather than huge affairs. How many people were at the last wedding you went to? If it was anything like the average American wedding, there were so many people that the couple had next to no time to speak to their guests, much less enjoy them. In addition, there were probably a handful of people that neither the bride nor the groom recognized. Now there is the reason The Wedding Crashers is so funny-it could easily be true! If you keep the wedding small you get to spend quality time on your wedding day with the people who really matter to you.

You can have your event in so many cool places. Think of how many places you can have a party for 500. Now 200. 100. 50. 25. 10. Now, can't you think of exponentially more places to have your party as the number goes down? A major benefit to the tiny wedding.

You won't be stuck with "reception food." Catered food tends to be mediocre and overpriced. For a tiny wedding you can simply call in a big carry out order to your favorite restaurant. And if Aunt Nancy wants to cater for you, food for 12 is a way smaller responsibility than food for 100.

The event is more flexible. You have always hated the bouquet and garter toss. If you have 200 people, there will be disappointment if no one gets a chance to snag your bouquet and watch you get embarrassed as the garter is removed. If you have 20, no one will care.

Marie Esselsteinhttp://www.atinywedding.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marie_Esselstein

How To Find A Single Man - Every Woman's Guide

By Felicity Henderson

It seems that there are heaps of single men around, yet a 'gorgeous' woman like you can never find a good one! This is a cry that is often heard amongst single women, who are fed up with their lack of success in the dating game. The good news is that working out how to find a single man may not be as difficult as you think. It is simply of matter of being in the right place, having the right attitude and sending out the right signals.

So what is meant by being in the right place? Well, firstly you need to get out there! Staying at home all day and night will not get you a guy and, unless you are Angelina Jolie, or someone like that, men are not going to be turning up at your door step 24/7. You need to get out and go to places where people are interacting. Whilst parties and bars are good for this, so too are coffee shops, supermarkets and even laundromats! Let's face it, you can spend a lot of time in a laundromat and you need to talk to somebody - right?

If you are a little on the shy side, then why not try online dating. This has become a very popular way for people to meet, in recent times, and I am sure that most of us have either heard, or read, many successful stories about couples coming together over the internet. The range of single men, available, is much broader online as well.

If you are in a position to do some traveling, you could try going interstate to find your perfect man. California, New York and Colorado are just some of the best known places for single guys to hang out.

The right attitude simply means trying to meet some, but not all, of the criteria that men find attractive in women. And what men find attractive in women most are confidence and that they look presentable. Despite the popular assumption that men prefer women to be beautiful and 'ditzy', most men are really more attracted to women, who are confident in themselves, women who know what they want and are not afraid to ask.

The right body language can also play a huge role in your interactions with a single man. If you cross your arms, play with your clothes or not look at him directly then he will probably get the idea that you are not really interested in him. On the other hand, good eye contact, frequent smiling and leaning forward in conversation are the right signals if you are keen on pursuing a relationship.

Eventually, how to find a single man will become as easy as pie, once you get all these 'right' things down pat. Then you can go off into the dating scene, with confidence, and men will be drawn to you like moths to a flame!

By the way, you can discover some of the best secrets about how to find a single man and keep him by visiting http://How-To-Find-A-Single-Man.blogspot.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Felicity_Henderson

How I Bought Into Saving My Marriage

By Nicole Gayle

A number of months ago, I gave my email to a website that sent me a few articles to help me to save my marriage. Back then, I was still determined to get my husband back.

I put on my warrior princess outfit, all suited up for a fight and I was going to win this one.
Didn't matter what it cost me. I went out and bought a program for over $400 dollars. It had all of the bells and whistles - gave me the promise of having my family back.

I was quick to believe that I should save my marriage even if I was the only one who wanted to. And you may have come across many websites promising the same.

There is a point in a relationship that couples have a chance to take it to the next level. This is where the relationship is in a crisis but both are determined to do whatever it takes to make it work.

Then there is the point where the person you love wants to walk away. This is much different and there's no doubt that you may be experiencing this type of crisis. And I by now means saying that you there still isn't hope.

Your first reaction is to grab at the relationship because you don't want to lose the person you love. This is normal.

But when you go by instincts, you will more than likely end up paying a whole lot of money with nothing to show for it in the end.

My advice is not popular. People want to have a quick fix. But I have done a lot of reading on trying to make a relationship work because I have been there trying.

When I did what works, I was literally transformed into being more happy and secure.

You need to move away from the relationship instead of reaction to wanting to save it. This is not easy. Your emotions are still attached. But you must act on principles instead of being a prisoner to your feelings.

Moving away will make you appear strong, even if you're still hurting - strength is attractive. Weakness like begging repels. Easier said than done! And you may have to try over and over again to let your partner go. Letting go means pulling away from your partner to where you emotionally disconnect.

I spent hundreds of dollars because I thought I was doing the right thing. I hope by telling you the truth, it will save you a whole lot of money.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the best selling ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help people find emotional freedom during the breakup of their relationships.
Visit http://www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com to learn even more strategies and read samples from her ebook.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nicole_Gayle

Your 5-minute guide to love and money

It's hard enough managing money alone. Throw in another person and financial sparks will fly -- but these 24 tips can help.
By MSN Money staff

Thinking of marriage? Prepare to bare your financial soul. Experts agree that couples need to talk about money -- the sooner, the better.

Before you get to 'I do'
Consider a prenuptial agreement. It's not just a document detailing how to split the assets after a divorce. It can absolve you of your spouse's debts, maintain assets for children from a previous marriage, keep a family business intact and ensure that the family home stays in the family. (See "Do you need a prenup?")

• Bring up the idea of a prenup as soon as the relationship gets serious. It can help clarify each other's circumstances and goals.
• Allow at least three months before the wedding to work out the details. A valid prenup involves lawyers and full financial disclosure. (See "The prenup problem.")
• Most prenups provide that whatever property or debts you bring to the marriage will remain yours if the marriage dissolves. They also protect what you don't have yet, including property you expect to inherit.
• No state will allow you to waive child support, dictate child custody or otherwise impinge on the rights of your children.

Getting through 'I do'
With the average cost of an American wedding nearing $30,000, there's a lot to talk about. Even if your parents are paying part of the cost, you might have to let go of some dreams, including the one calling for a perfect wedding. (See "Your fantasy wedding for less cash.")

• Lay down a budget and stick to it. Write it down so there's no question.
• Pay for your priorities. Decide what's most important to you and do everything else on the cheap.
• Take half-measures. Rather than a full reception, have a desserts-only affair. Instead of a full bar, offer beer and wine.
• Do your friends and family a favor and register for gifts in multiple price ranges. Today's bridal registries include outdoor gear, jewelry, wine and home-office supplies. (See "13 thoughtful, offbeat wedding gift ideas.")
• Get married in spring or fall and enjoy the lower off-season rates. Not only will venues be less expensive, but you'll score off-season travel rates for your honeymoon.
• Don't let the honeymoon break your budget, either. Sign up with a honeymoon registry that lets guests buy portions of your honeymoon in increments. Consider a honeymoon close to home or bid on a trip in an online travel auction.

Weddings can be costly even if you're not the bride or groom. For members of the wedding party and guests, there are ways to stay within your budget.

• Give what you can afford, based on your relationship with the couple.
• For bridesmaids, the dresses alone can be a nightmare. Ask if you can rent the dress or use one you already own. (See "The bridesmaid's survival guide.")
• Creativity and thoughtfulness ultimately go further than cash. The key is to personalize the gift. (See "6 ways to cut costs on wedding gifts.")

The honeymoon's over
Money and the expectations we bring with it become sources of friction for many couples. Even if you've married your financial opposite (and many of us do), you need to find a way to financially coexist. (See "Why we fight over money.")

If you didn't have the money talk before the wedding, have it now. Get down to details when you discuss your lifestyle and your goals. (See "5 steps to wedded wallets.")

• Ask your mate about his or her financial upbringing -- and be willing to explore your own.
• Pick a good time to talk about money -- not at meals, right before bedtime or when inebriating substances are flowing.

Once you're on the same financial wavelength, figure out where your money goes. Then set some goals, such as saving for retirement, paying off debt, preparing for children or buying a house. (See "Should newlyweds buy a house?")

• Set up a budget. Even if you had one when you were single, you need a new one that includes both incomes, debts and bills. (See "Budget your way to smarter spending.")
• Decide whether to use joint or separate accounts or consider having "yours," "mine" and "ours" accounts. Experts agree that if a couple can't share their money in a checking account, it's probably a signal that something's wrong in the relationship. (See "Love, honor and a shared bank account.")
• If one of you brought debt into the marriage, it becomes a problem for both of you. Work together to figure out a plan to pay it off. But don't officially commingle your debt; keep existing credit card and loan accounts in the original holder's name. (See "Take control of your debt.")
• Update your paperwork, including wills, 401(k) beneficiaries, life insurance policies and the withholding amount on your income taxes. (See "Marriage means updating vital papers.")
• Assess your emergency fund. Every couple should have enough money to cover three to six months worth of living expenses.

Happily ever after?
Once you're cruising along on a shared plan, you'll need to pay attention to keep your financial boat afloat.

• Put yourself in each person's shoes. If one person is generally responsible for the budget and the other does the purchasing, switch roles every three to six months. This way, both partners know your financial situation.
• Don't begrudge your spouse small indulgences, but do agree to consult each other on big-ticket items. Put a dollar amount on what constitutes a big-ticket item now, so there's no question later.
• Don't keep money secrets.
• And finally, don't criticize your spouse about money in front of others. Ever.

Source: MSN

Trying To Please Everyone At Your Wedding

By Kathleen Terrana

Let's face it. It's in our nature, as women, to try and make everyone happy. And even at our own wedding, we want the day to be as perfect as possible for everyone involved. On the very first day you begin your wedding planning, you need to remind yourself that trying to please your fiancé, your mother, his mother, your bridesmaids and everyone else 100% of the time is impossible. Make a promise to yourself that you accept this ahead of time and will not drive yourself crazy trying to please everyone.

Everyone has an opinion. If you have your heart set on a red wedding gown, some of your guests will admire your dramatic choice and others will disapprove. Do it anyway. If you set up an online "honeymoon fund," asking for a specific amount of money for massages, this will raise the eyebrows of your more conservative guests. Others will be delighted that their "gift" will bring you so much pleasure.

Sometimes an extended family member will try to impose his or her own traditions on you. For example, a great aunt may request that you wear a bridal veil or jewelry that has been worn by other family members at their weddings. In this case, it is acceptable to offer a compromise. By offering to wear the earrings, you keep the tradition in place. If everything offered looks awful, just be gracious and say no, thank you. If your fiancé's mother pulls him aside and gives him a list of family traditions based on their heritage, he needs to make clear that the two of you are partners and make all your decisions together.

Don't ride the guilt train. Listen to suggestions. You'll be getting plenty of them. If someone's brother is a part time photographer, and you'd rather hire a first class professional, make your decision and don't beat yourself up over it. You might offend someone temporarily, but you can show him or her some small kindness, and everything will be well again. Listen to your heart. Accept those suggestions that you like, and reserve the right to make your own wedding decisions.

Kathleen Terrana is the owner of http://www.beautiful-bridal.com Beautiful Bridal specializing in discount tiaras, veils, bridal and bridesmaid jewelry. Visit our site for additional tips, advice and information.

How to Keep Your Marriage Alive

By Mike L Jones

Does your daily routine consist of waking up in the early hours of the morning, to get ready for work, and then to get your children ready for school? And then after work you come home, cook for your partner and childrens dinner, then watch some TV before you pop off to bed. Well it doesn't have to be like this day in, day out.

Is the life you want to lead?
I'm guessing you don't want to live your life like this, put the romance back into your marriage today! First of all you need to communicate with your partner, for god sake how is your partner suppose to know how your feeling if you don't communicate with them. And I don't mean to talk to your partner if he is watching a football game, or if she is watching her soap operas. I mean proper communication time, sit down alone with no distractions. Talk about how your feeling, talk about your ambitions, your dreams every single day! When listening to your partner, don't just nod and reply with one word answers, you have to be interested in what they got to say.

I love you, those three words mean a hell of a lot. You do not need to say it every hour of every day. What you do is say it just before you go to bed, of whenever you “feel” it. “I love you and appreciate everything you do for me and our children”, wow, saying that goes a long way. How special is that, you can even spice it up every now and then, leave a little note by the side of your partners bed before you leave for work, or a simple email during the day etc.

And finally; surprise your partner every now and then. Buy a single red rose, which are really cheap or a bunch of flowers, these little gifts go along way. Or simply surprise your partner by saying “you look beautiful / handsome today” just out of now where.

Mike Jones is a marriage counselor with over 20 years experience, he started off his career in marriage counseling after a bad patch in his marriage, but he managed to revive his marriage using tips from the internet. Click here for Mike Jones' free tips on marriage and divorce

Things To Do To Help Save a Failed Marriage

By Albert Lee

Saving a failed marriage takes a lot of courage, determination, perseverance, and patience. Of course, you don't have to forget that you should include the love that was once the reason why you two were brought into that marriage in the first place. Getting into marital harmony is the best way to let marriage work.

But how can you get the formula to stay into that so-called marital harmony? Getting that marital harmony may be said easier than done, but you can achieve it because the ways to stay into one are no secret things at all. In fact, the things that you must remember are straightforward and honest scenes that go into the daily life with your significant other.

So, what are these things you must remember to help keep harmony and avoid marriage from becoming into total disaster and ending up in divorce? Here are some things to avoid coming into point of seeking help to save failed marriage:

1. When there are issues coming up, put yourself in your spouse's shoes and try to be more empathetic towards him/her. This is the best way to understand how one is feeling and where he/she is coming from. You can ask what he/she feels about the situation. Listen to every word he/she is saying and try as hard as possible to clarify everything.

2. Stop blaming your spouse when a problem arises. Remember that marriage is two-way relationship so whatever quality the relationship has is the result of the contributions you both have made. Before you focus on the faults of your spouse, make sure you have reviewed what possible things you may have contributed to the problem. Avoiding to blame one another will avoid planting more seeds to an already hurt relationship.

3. Working with your own issues, both coming from the present and past, is a good way to avoid getting more conflicts and resentments when your spouse has accidentally said something that triggers emotional wounds to get disrespected. The need to reconcile with your own issues is vital especially when your spouse is prone to committing mistakes that otherwise would elicit intense reactions from you. Getting individual counseling services is what you need if you want to keep those intense reactions checked.

4. Make it a habit to say thank you more often than complaining. It is the best way to keep positive side empowering negative issues. Giving compliments and praises in a frequent manner will let each other enrich the quality of marriage you have. In the same manner, apologizing when mistakes are done is a good way to solve matter fast. No matter how small or big, make it a habit to apologize as it instantly fix things up. It is not unavoidable for both of you to commit mistakes, but the thing is acknowledging them is an easy and mature way to start talking about them.

5. Show your love to your spouse by making everyday life easier. Amidst the busy hours of doing small and big things and keeping the household in order, pamper your partner. Take some time to help him/her, or offer him/her to relax - doing these small things will let your spouse feel that he/she is being cared for.

6. Bond together by looking for some activities, interests, activities, and hobbies that both of you will enjoy doing - doing this in a regular basis will help keep you busy with each other. They can even be used during the rocky stage of the relationship. Taking some time off and releasing tensions and anger by keeping yourself in an activity you both loved will pave a way to reconciliation rather than to worsened conditions.

Is your marriage in trouble? To learn simple, easy strategies to save your marriage, visit http://www.helpsavemarriage.net

How To Know If He's The One For You

By Lucy Doyle

Marriage and commitment is about love, but it's also about compatibility. Two people can be deeply in love with one another, but their marriage will still fail miserably. The sad truth is that sometimes love is not enough. There comes a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question: Is he the one?

Why it's important to ask yourself this question?
The dismal statistics state that over 33% of marriages end up in divorce and there is a 50% infidelity rate among couples. Why is this happening? All these couples used to be in love, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married. That's why you have to ask yourself this question.
If you don't want to get married only to wake up years later and realize that you married the wrong man, you have to know that he's the right one for you. Otherwise, you may have a few years of love and happiness, but you're likely to see those years end in a bitter and expensive divorce.

Why are so many couples drifting apart?
The main thing that couples fail to do is ask each other the right questions before rushing into a commitment. I'm not talking about superficial questions such as how many brothers and sisters your man has or where was he born, but deep and penetrating questions. Most women wait until they are married to find out what their man thinks about the important issue in life such as:

• Religion
• The way to bring up children
• Whether or not he even wants children
• Does he believe in marriage
• How he handles money
• What are his long term goals

And many more important issues. It is the difference of opinion in these issues which causes couples to break up.

You wondering how to know if he is the one for you? Ask the right questions on the important issues and you'll find out.

It is estimated that 83% of divorces wouldn't have occurred had the couples asked each other the right questions. Don't allow yourself to become part of the many couples which end up in divorce and breakups. You have an obligation to yourself to ask your man the right questions.

To read more about questions you should ask before getting married, click here: 1000 Questions For Couples And More Lucy Doyle is a big fan of Michael Webb. To read her review on his must-read relationship and romance books, click here: Michael Webb's Books Review

Causes of Divorce

By Ismail Ahmed Alhashmi

In our life we come across many such resources (including websites, divorce experts/attorneys etc) that are working to safeguard marriages and provide ways and means to educate people in-order to have a happy life and stay married forever. On the other hand also there are found organizations, institutions and experts who would do their best efforts to provide happiness to people by drawing them out of miserable marital life they are experiencing for whatsoever reason may be and that’s through divorce.

Well people on both these extremes are doing their part of work in promoting harmony, love and peace amongst people. Some focus on resolving the issues that arises in marital life while others focal point is to show people how divorce can bring an end to miserable relationship letting people breathe freely after they get divorced. But very wisely said it is always better to work on the cause rather than looking at the effect. Therefore we should think on finding the roots of the problems that more often than not occur in marriage and if can not be eradicated at least we can try to avoid them from happening after marriage.

As far the matter of divorce is concerned, The United States of America has the highest divorce rate of 3.8 divorces of 7.5 marriages per 1,000 people.

If we can not save many marriages, although many are making their utmost efforts to preserve it, at least we can try to identify the reason and grounds that become causes of divorce in most of the cases.

Every state of The United States has defined a set of reasons of divorce on the basis of which divorce may be granted. In most cases, the causes of divorce are complex and are specific to a couple's relationship, their troubles, and their own life experiences. Many people have cited “irreconcilable differences,” “irretrievable breakdown,” or “incompatibility” as major causes of divorce in different locations. The most commonly stem from one specific issue that is compounded by a lack of commitment to the marriage and having a poor or bad communication in between each other. There are other common causes of divorce that include money, infidelity, and career choices.

Marriage experts agree to the fact that communication problems are the root causes of divorce and they further lead and give birth to other as well. Because when two people lack communication, they are unable to solve problems that may occur in the marriage. Many married couples think that the minor problems that occur in their marriage, are insignificant, and are not worth talking about; however, they fail to realize that even the smallest things can cause conflict between the two when they are not able to solve them through communication.
Many couples lack communication when it comes to making decisions about shared finances.
And here money also become of the reason of divorce. Many people say money is the root of evil; the disagreement in a decision shown by one spouse can bring a drastic effect on the marriage.

With this connection when there are mismatch in the decisions made in financial matters, the support provided for children by both the parents weakens a lot. It results in poor child care, poor or no education and every other node of the chain. Eventually children become apple of discord between parents which jeopardizes the marriage. When one of the parents is closely related to children and the other is not able to provide attention, the relation takes another extreme turn and that is affairs (whether emotional infidelity or extramarital sex i.e. adultery) and which is becoming a very common cause and reason of divorce today.

As time passes by a spouse then finds warmth and affection from outside the relationship. Consequently starts cheating on the other and affairs tend to start. The outsider (to the marital relationship) then gradually starts filling hatred in your heart against your spouse. It truly fulfills no purpose, and can only aid in destroying what is left of the couple's marriage.

Therefore, divorce, no matter whatsoever the reason is, is never as easy as it is conceived.
Whether a couple’s decision to divorce is for the good or bad, it is certain there are many affect that it has on the couple’s individual lives. The major causes of divorce so far clearly identified could be communication problems, lack of commitments, children support, money, affair and adultery.

Ismail Ahmed is a Legal Advisor and SEO based Content Writer of http://www.aboutdivorce.org

Vibrant Relationships - Growing Your Marriage Into A Lasting Relationship

By Kristina Von Rosenvinge

Growing your marriage into a lasting relationship involves learning to think in terms of WE. A marriage is a two person event. In the beginning the couple experiences a strong physical and emotional attraction to each other. Each is also tuned into the partner and focused on pleasing the other. They are happy and get married.

Gradually the demands of life put stresses on their relationship. They may experience a conflict between their personal happiness and their relationship happiness. It is how the couple makes room for both - personal and relationship satisfaction and contentment that helps their marriage grow into a lasting relationship.

Below are five concepts to keep in mind when thinking about how to nurture the marriage.

1. Love is a decision to do ongoing work to be a caring partner.
Caring about your partner is being cognizant that what you say or do has an impact on the relationship. You have to learn to think on two levels: I and We. Both are equally important.
Simultaneously you have to care about what your spouse needs.

2. Care about how you contribute to the relationship
Ask yourself how you can be a loving partner and then act on that. Accept your partner for who he/she is and be of support to each other.

3. Work through stresses by focusing on preserving and enhancing the relationship.
Life inevitably brings stresses and conflict. By keeping in mind that preserving the relationship matters it becomes easier for each person to handle their differences in a way that does not adversely affect the marriage.

4. Behavior is conditional
Loving someone does not mean that one puts up with behavior that is destructive to the marriage. Each person has to take responsibility to act in a way that does not hurt the relationship. If one spouse has acted in a way that has been hurtful to the other there has to be a willingness to say "I am sorry".

5. Develop a loving friendship
In relationships that last there is a joy in doing and being with each other. Likewise, there is freedom for each to be separate and pleasure at being connected and sharing a life together.

For more tips and tools on enhancing your relationship please visit:
http://www.vibrantrelationships.com and http://www.kristinavonr.com by relationship expert Kristina von Rosenvinge

No Follow And Blogs – The Wrong Marriage

By Prince John

Do you flag outbound links no follow? You are not a good blogger. Blogs by nature is a networking tool, and you point to the people and ideas you think are important. The pointing, you know is in the form of a link.

Flagging a link no follow is like making a disclaimer. If you flag a link with a no follow attribute, what you literally say is –"I don't believe what I say is true". If you do not believe what you say, who will?

With a no follow, what one does is hiding the link from search engines. Websites that have a number of inbound links have higher value in search engine algorithms. By flagging a link with no follow, you hide the link from the search engine.

If the resource you have pointed to is worthwhile, why should you use a disclaimer?

When linking out to other blogs, you have the advantage of receiving traffic by people who does back link searches on their favorite blogs. Go to technorati.com, enter any blog URL and hit search. You will see this in action.

Again, linking to some blog is an indication that you find something interesting is there. If you find it interesting and worthwhile for your readers, there is no reason why should hide the link in any way.

Linking is also a means of networking. By flagging the links, you are actually hiding behind a curtain. The people who flag their outbound links are also the people who want links back to their blog. Hypocrisy, or what?

If you link out to someone, be bold enough to make the link visible to humans as well as search engines. If you fear you lose traffic or the receiver of the link gets higher value in search engines, do not link. It is that simple.

Qualified Journalist and Web-Content Writer since Sep. 2005, Prince John writes for businesses and provide them with quality articles, product/service descriptions and sales letters to enrich their websites.

Now on a hobby blogging project, he invites businesses and bloggers check his blog out at http://afpj.blogspot.com/. A get paid to blog and a link exchange invitation for bloggers are also on.

Copyright © Prince John 2005-2007 You may publish this article in your website, blog or newsletter - provided you agree not make any edits, leave the links in clickable form and leave this notice intact.

Same Sex Marriage

By Je Dunn

The issue of gay and lesbian marriage and families is a hotly debated topic. Everybody has an opinion most of these opinions are very strong which makes the subject almost impossible to discuss between those with opposing points of view.

The issue and beliefs about the homosexual community in general is further convoluted by social, political and religious views that go back centuries.

But if one was to look at the facts about gay and lesbian families scientifically and not from an emotional stand point and base their conclusions on what has been proven fact, and not just based on things believed to be fact, the topic may become much more acceptable for everyone.

To address this heated subject let’s look at the fundamental issues. First, What Is A Family? Second, What Is Marriage?

A family is different things to different people. To many it is mom, dad and brothers and sisters.
To others it may be mom and grand mom. And still to others it may be the people that have raised you in foster care or simply your husband or wife.

When you stop and really try to define what a family is you realize that the term doesn’t fit into a net narrow package, so when people say that gay or lesbian couples shouldn’t be parenting children because it undermines the family structure, which structure of a family is being referred to?

Children need a stable family environment to thrive. They need to be loved and taught kindness and wrong from right. If this is accomplished does the type of family structure really matter the facts show that they don’t.

Recent conclusions based on studies of homosexual parenting show that there no significant differences in children raised b lesbian mothers’ verses heterosexual mothers.

The issue of gay marriage is at the forefront of today’s political topics. Again if the subject matter is looked at based on ascertainable factually information and not on emotion the proper conclusions can be drawn.

The act of “Marriage” is basically a legally binding agreement where two people commit to live their lives together and to be true to each other till death do they part. Now agreement is mostly to be thought of as a contract between a man and a woman but if you were a Mormon for instance it could be between a man and several women. Does that make it any less of a valid commitment?

Does Polygamy undermine the stability of a relationship or the development of the children being raised in this environment? What about children being raised by one parent or even no parents such as homeless children or those orphanages’?

The bottom line is if two human beings are committed to each other and to providing a loving environment for the children they raise will society be worse off or better off in the future?
What's your view on gay and lesbian marriage? Visit Parenting Today to find out more at...Same Sex Marriage

Should Gays And Lesbians Be Allowed Civil Unions But Not Marriage?

By Elaine Sihera

Yes they should be allowed this for three main reasons.

1. The term marriage is synonymous with reproduction as a definite purpose. That has been the main reason for people getting hitched and sharing a life together down the centuries. That reason might have lost emphasis over the years but it is still acknowledged as the heart of marriage and long-term relations. Marriage has always been a religious act ever since the Church took it over in the 12th century. It means that the ceremony itself has been indicative of the symbol of love and affection between two people and their desire to procreate and continue our species.

2. A gay couple might not love each other any differently than a heterosexual couple, but they cannot reproduce anything. In fact, left up to gay couples, our species would die out within a generation. When one chooses a lifestyle which goes against the natural order of continuing our world, and adding to it, then the same rules cannot be applied in exact measure. Without doubt, gay people also needed a public affirmation ceremony to show that they too share commitment, loyalty and love, but that cannot be called a 'marriage', in every sense of the word, because there will be no unaided reproduction. A civil union is apt in their case because it is a civil partnership, not a religious one which adheres to religious teachings around both genders.

3. Gays cannot have it both ways. They cannot insist on being acknowledged as different from the rest of most of society in their sexuality, yet want all the trimmings etc which goes with being heterosexual. Anything new in society carries new rules, new accessories, a new order of seeing and perceiving. It is inevitable that there will be new untried approaches to how gays are treated, with lots of trial and error, until what feels comfortable by all sections of society is accepted. Moreover, gays can't be at pains to point out their sexual difference and expect to be treated as such, yet be heterosexual in their provisions.

In simple terms, a marriage is for a heterosexual couple. Gays are not heterosexual. It stands to reason that something else needs to be introduced which suits gays and their situation and is equally acceptable to them. I think a civil union is a very good start because it has full legal backing. It means gays and their relationships can no longer be ignored or treated as invisible and it also lays the foundation for other gradual developments which are both suitable to the gay community and accepted by the majority.

ELAINE SIHERA (www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. Confidential advice on personal/relationship issues is available on the quiz site. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a Personal Empowerment, Relationships and Diversity Consultant. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards.

She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous and Ready to Fly!"