Are you a good kisser?

By Nicole Kristal

My friend Sean thought his date went well—she laughed at his jokes, ordered dessert, and even asked him up to her apartment for a midnight make-out session. But it’s been over a week and she hasn’t returned his calls. Sean’s starting to wonder why. Little does he know, the answer’s in his kiss. I should know. I made the mistake of kissing him once.

Plenty of people worry about whether they’re good in bed, but few worry about their skills when it comes to their triple-tongue-swirl maneuvers. So people like Sean are often left questioning what went wrong on a date, even though the reason is quite literally under their noses. Sadly, no one wants to tell anyone they have the kiss of death, which means that unless you’ve been praised for your soft lips or tantalizing tongue, someone might be cringing about your not-so-sensual smooches as well. Here’s a cheat sheet of oral offenses, so you can avoid being thought of as a cringe-worthy kisser.

The Vampire Lip-Sucker
When my date Andrew first started biting and sucking on my lower lip, I tried to redirect the kiss by going for his upper lip. But when he kept doing it and my lip began to throb, I pulled away with a not-so subtle, “Ow.” He didn’t take the hint and with each tug, my lip grew rawer. The next day, at a family barbecue, everyone wondered why I had a purple lower lip.

Sure, a soft bite on the lip can be a turn on, but 10 in a row can leave your date looking like she got punched in the mouth. The first sign of a bad kisser is the inability to respond to feedback (sorry, Andrew; it’s true). If you’re not getting a positive response, don’t be afraid to stray from a move that you thought worked on someone else. Bad kissers often make the mistake of hoping you’ll grow to like whatever weird thing they’re doing. This almost never works and almost always leaves your lover bemoaning your inexperience.

The Speed Racer
Another common attribute of a bad kisser is out-of-sync kisses that don’t match the other person’s rhythm. Just as relationships are about finding a happy medium, kissers should try to conform to a mutual speed. The one time I made out with Sean, he threw on a Prodigy album, and then proceeded to kiss me faster than the driving techno beat. When he wouldn’t slow down, I politely grooved my way right out his door.

I have a tongue, too, thank you
Tom was a good-looking, smart guy who played guitar and opened every door for me, but he also had a knack for filling my entire mouth with his imperialistic tongue, which completely crushed mine as it recklessly reached for my tonsils. No matter what I did, I couldn’t remove it, mostly because my own tongue seemed to have disappeared.

Lots of oral offenders’ tongues make the mistake of setting up permanent residence in their dates’ mouths. The tongue should be about playful give and take: Tease, then pull back. If that gets a positive response, venture a little further, but never leave your date thinking, “What the heck happened to my tongue?” or “Red alert: Suffocation setting in!”

Mr. Hoover
Mr. Hoover is the opposite of the previous smoocher—he likes to suck your tongue right out of your mouth and hold onto it. If your date’s entire head is unwillingly following yours because you’re holding her tongue hostage, that’s probably not a good thing. Tongue suction is tricky. Unless you know exactly the amount of suction to exert and the duration to hold your partner’s tongue captive (Hint: it’s not five minutes), you’re treading into Bad Kisser Land.

The Cheek-Licker
Licking or lapping your date’s cheek will leave him or her either (a) grossed out or (b) laughing. Licking people’s faces isn’t hot. (I don’t care if your girlfriend freshman year loved it; she was one in a million, maybe 100 million.) When it comes to kissing, the tongue should make contact with two — and only two — places above the shoulders besides the mouth—the neck and the ear. But if you shoot for these erogenous zones, don’t overdo it. Wet willies and hickeys are for amateurs.

Ladies, you can stink, too
From the above, you may get the impression that I think only guys can be bad smoochers. Not at all! Though men get a bad rap for not caring about kissing, many guys like it and expect some creativity… and are disappointed by what the women they date dish out. “I’ve been with women who are repetitive kissers—they kiss with the same motion over and over again,” complained one male friend. “It’s like you’re on a four-second loop but you can’t break it.”

My male friends’ most important piece of advice—kiss like you mean it. “A heartless kiss makes for bad kissing,” explained another guy friend. It feels like she doesn’t want to be kissing you, he said, “and that’s really annoying.”

So, ladies and gentleman, realize that if your date kisses you once and doesn’t want to continue, it may well be for a reason. And it usually has nothing to do with your SAT scores. Kissing is one of the biggest deal-breakers in early dating, so drop the misguided moves or your dates will drop you. Here’s an added incentive—good kissing can make other faults forgivable. I once went out with a guy who had no car (hey, I live in California; cars matter) and no job, but soft lips and the most amazing kiss. We dated happily for a while… until he goosed me. Oh, well. A good kiss can’t compensate for everything.

Nicole Kristal has written for Newsweek and Premiere, and is a staff writer for Back Stage West newspaper.

The Parent's Responsibility in Sex Education

By Nigel Lane

Parents ought to be the first source of sex education for their children. Don't think that because children can learn about human sexuality in school, your responsibility to teach them about sex has been removed. Especially now that there is confusion as to how to teach human sexuality in school, the parents must be ready to assume the role to educate their children in everything they need to know to understand their sexuality.

Who's better to teach about morality and the ramification of sex and sexuality to your children than you their parents? Often times, the school only teaches about the anatomy of human sexuality and the issue of morality and the taboos related to sex are often placed on the sidelines.
This is where you should come in - teach your children their moral obligation when it comes to sex.

Sex education does not involve only teaching the children about the anatomy of the human reproductive organ. It's much more than that. Sex education also involves teaching the children their moral obligation towards the opposite sex. Even more so for teenagers, you need to teach them their moral obligation towards their boyfriends or their girlfriends for that matter.

More so if your teenagers are already sexually active. You have an obligation to open their eyes about the possible ramification of their action. Your son could get a girl pregnant or your daughter can become pregnant if they are practicing sex at a very young age. They should understand the implications of their actions.

Another very important aspect of sex education you should teach your children is the issue on sexually transmitted diseases. If they are already sexually active, they must understand that they can contract disease by sleeping around with many partners, or even from their very first sexual encounter

Sex education is always a difficult topic to discuss with your children at home. But this is yet another role of parents that they cannot escape from.

For a free special report with over 50 Parenting Tips just go to www.awesomeparents.com Nigel has met hundreds of parents and helped them to become more awesome than they were.

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12 Resolutions for a Great Sex Life

We show you how to get in touch with your sexier (and happier!) self so you can have passionate sex every day of the year.
By Michele Bender

As far as New Year's resolutions go, "Get a better sex life" probably falls way down on the list, after "Lose weight," "Exercise more" and "Eat leafy greens." But the truth is, sex is healthy, too — for you and for your marriage. (Plus, working on it is a lot more enjoyable than counting calories.) So this January, take charge of your sex life by following these fun resolutions — we guarantee they'll lead to exciting and satisfying trysts and take your sex life to a whole new level.

Resolution #1: Vow to focus on what you like in bed.
"The number one key to greater pleasure is knowing what turns you on," says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of Sex Talk. You probably have some ideas already, but if you — and your husband — are relying on the same old techniques, it's time to find out what else hits your hot buttons. Experiment when you're alone: Think about what has aroused you in the past or about the things you wish your husband would do when the two of you are under the covers. Do you hear yourself thinking, "I wish he'd touch my neck or breasts?" If so, fill him in the next time you are getting snuggly. "Knowing what revs you up in bed is a gift you can give yourself — and him," says Zoldbrod.

Resolution #2: Commit to staying in touch with your sensual side.
You may barely remember those early days in your romance when you actually spent time picking out your bedwear, but chances are your dresser was filled with things a heck of a lot sexier than ratty T-shirts and flannel PJs. "Women need more preparation for lovemaking than men do, and part of that is making yourself feel beautiful," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and author of The Idiot's Guide to Oral Sex. "You're more likely to be interested in sex and initiate it if you're wearing something sexy." So hit the lingerie store — and while you're at it, pick up some perfumed body oil, silk sheets or a few scented candles. (Go for licorice or cucumber scents; research shows both increase arousal in women.) "Keeping all your senses stimulated all the time makes you more willing and able to really experience the complete pleasure of sex," says Cadell.


Resolution #3: Remind yourself to reach out and touch him — every day.
We know, sometimes a week goes by when physical contact with your husband amounts to squeezing past him to get to the bathroom sink. Considering that it's harder for women to jump into sex without day-to-day touching, this can put a real damper on intimacy. So make a point to rub his shoulders, hold hands while watching TV or simply give him a hug when you get home. A recent University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill study found that frequent hugging boosts a woman's level of oxytocin, a hormone that makes you feel closer to your mate. Kissing on the lips at least once a day is another good way to keep the passion simmering. Once you start reaching out more, you and your hubby will feel more loved and connected, and, trust us, sparks will fly.

Resolution #4: Stop mentally drafting your to-do list during sex.
Juggling work, family and friends leaves you with a lot to think about — sometimes even when you're making love. "This is a big problem for women. They are more easily distracted from sex than men," says Zoldbrod. And unlike men, women's arousal levels tend to fluctuate and can drop quickly. That means if you're turned on and start thinking about the dry cleaning you forgot, it can ruin the moment, just like that. To keep yourself from drifting off during sex, banish distractions. Once a week, jot down your to-do list and discuss any concerns you have about your family, work or other issues with your husband — before you slip between the sheets. Then when it's time for sex, you can really focus and enjoy it.

Resolution #5: Get yourself some (or some more!) grown-up toys.
Experts say that variety, novelty and fun are all keys to keeping sex hot. A good sex toy provides all of the above and can help you and your husband live out your sexual fantasies. There's a wide range of products to choose from, so start with what you're comfortable with. For beginners, vibrators that don't look phallic, such as the Pocket Rocket, tend to be less intimidating. If you already own the basics and are ready for more advanced toys, try a vibrator that stimulates both your clitoris and your G-spot. Or get something that's made for both of you, such as the Jelly Tool Belt — a dual penis ring that has a vibrator in it to stimulate you. If you're not sure how to bring up the idea of experimenting, here are two ways: (1) Surprise your husband with some edible massage lotion (the Pure Romance line is a good choice) to spur a conversation — say, "Do you like this? Does it feel good?" (2) Make shopping a task you do together at a store, with a catalog or online. Some good, discreet Websites are Adameve.com, Mypleasure.com and Babeland.com.

Resolution #6: Vow to speak up if something is not working for you.
We've all been there: You let your guy do something he thinks is an incredible turn-on, and all the while you're lying there wondering when he'll be finished. Women often do this — or even fake pleasure — because they're either too embarrassed to speak up or afraid to criticize their partner. But if he keeps doing the wrong thing, you'll be left dissatisfied again and again. Next time, clue him in — gently. Cadell advises that instead of saying, "You never do X" or "I don't like it when you do Y" — which come off as negative — try, "I like it when you gently massage my breasts instead of squeezing them." This way he won't feel rejected, and you'll get the caressing you crave.

Resolution #7: And also commit yourself to speaking up if something is working for you.
If the sex is good, why bother talking about it, right? Wrong. Sex experts agree that telling your husband how much you love what he does perfectly in bed is as important as telling him what isn't working. So moan when he zeroes in on a pleasure zone and compliment him later on, too. But be sure to provide details. For instance, say, "It felt amazing when you kissed my stomach and thighs." He'll be so happy to know he had the magic touch that he'll be excited to do a repeat performance. If that's not the recipe for a great sex life, we don't know what is!

Resolution #8: Keep the kids from spending every night in bed with you.
It's understandable why you want to bring your young children to bed — it's often the only way you all can get some sleep. But the math is simple: Two parents plus one child in bed equals zero sex. Try this instead: Enforce a "no kids in bed" rule (unless, say, they're sick) and ask your husband to take turns with you getting up when your child starts crying in the middle of the night. This way, you two can do more than just sleep.

Resolution #9: Decide it's okay to let Dora and the Wiggles do the babysitting.
No one is suggesting you plant the tots in front of the tube for hours on end. But the truth is, there are times — say, Sunday mornings — when popping in the kids' favorite DVD is the only way to get some lovin'. And, trust us, a little extra TV time isn't going to hurt your child as much as some much-needed couple-time is going to help your relationship.

Resolution #10: Have sex (sometimes) when you're not in the mood.
Like most women, you probably have nights when sex is the last thing on your mind, and you'd give anything to sprawl out and get eight hours of shut-eye. But then your husband gives the signal that he's ready for some nooky. What to do? Well, going along with the idea can actually be a titillating surprise for you. "If he knows how to push your buttons, then having sex when your husband is ready and you're not means it's very likely you'll get aroused once you get going," says Zoldbrod. It can also give you and your husband a boost outside of the bedroom. A recent study by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that sex plays a major role in a person's happiness. Don't think of it as giving in to him, think of it as giving in to pleasure.

Resolution #11: Use the birth control that's right for you. Trying to get pregnant? Then spontaneous sex isn't a problem. But if you're not planning to expand your family this month, getting comfortable with your birth control is key to letting loose during sex. "I've seen this make a huge difference in the sex lives of so many women," says Zoldbrod. Diaphragms and condoms are fine, but spur-of-the-moment sex is tricky when you have to fumble around in the dark for them at a pivotal moment. Other options, such as the Pill or a patch, can give you more freedom whenever you and your husband are raring to go. Talk to your doctor about the most effective — and carefree — method for you.

Resolution #12: Break out of your routine. Every couple has a tried-and-true method for getting in the mood. But let's be honest — the same old thing can get a bit boring. So mix things up. Even small tweaks can increase the passion in your marriage. Have sex in a different room of the house, make out in the car, take a bath together, spend more than five minutes on foreplay or "exchange three wishes that you want in bed," suggests Cadell. "That way you're playing a game — and a give-give scenario is always a success."

Another tactic: Do things that you and your husband did together in the days before you had children. Shared experiences — such as dancing, going to the gym together or taking a romantic stroll — help you two connect emotionally and see each other as more than simply Mom and Dad. "You're reminded of those butterflies-in-your-stomach early days," says Zoldbrod. "Then you hold hands and, chances are, you come home to have some great sex."

Seven Things That Can Wreck Your Life

By E. Raymond Rock

Sex ... Money ... Power ... Fame ... Good Looks ... Ambition ... Success

If any of these Seven become tangled up in the Seven Deadly Sins (Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride), look out! Otherwise, they are simply to be enjoyed, but not to bet the farm on - it's only when we begin to grasp blindly at these things that we head down a precarious and deluded path. Grasping blindly means that we see these as some kind of truth, an unchanging truth where can find our eternal security and happiness. This is of course impossible; these seven things are transient, and they will disappear in a short period of time.

An ignorance of their extremely temporary status, combined with a refusal to acknowledge or even be aware of spiritual things beyond these temporal things, sets us up for tremendous suffering. When we expect things to be good, and they turn out not to be, this is a basic ignorance of how things really are.

If these seven things were ultimate truths, why must we continuously relive them?

Sex can be a bother. It's not as if you can have sex once and say, "There, that's it! I'm satisfied!"
No, you will have to revisit sex maybe as many as 18,000 times in a lifetime, or more!

And money can be such a worry. We worry about getting it, then holding on to it, how to spend it wisely, and how to get even more because we never feel that we have enough. Few rich people have a peaceful mind (until they give it all away).

Power is an enemy creator; someone will always be jealous of your power and want to take it from you. Few respect power; they respect leadership, power intimidates them.

Fame is a real inconvenience. Once we become famous and our lives become public property, seclusion is no longer an option. The short-lived high of attention quickly becomes a long-term liability.

Good looks, unfortunately, fade just as sand slips through an hourglass. Even with face-lifts and other cosmetic improvements, our speech and mannerisms change and give us away, as we worry constantly about getting old.

Ambition isolates us. When we become overly ambitious it's a bet that we become self-centered as well, and self-centeredness is the opposite of compassion.

Finally, worldly success is always destined for failure in the end. Success means that we have temporarily attained our intended purpose, but since everything in the world constantly changes, our success is always short-lived.

These seven things - Sex, Money, Power, Fame, Good Looks, Ambition, and Success never work out as well as we imagine they might. On the other hand, poverty, powerlessness, infamy, common looks, non-ambition, worldly non success, and the absence of sex; these are more or less the realities of a monk or nun's life, and perplexingly, lead to happiness.

Taking a stand between these extremes is what works for most people: Sex, but responsible sex; money, but only as much as you really need; control, but not overbearing control;
distinction, but always an underplayed distinction; natural appearance, not false representations; goals and aims, but within the restrictions of non-greed and honesty; and finally, success, but not restricted to only the world - success must include a sincere reaching out toward our Ultimate Reality.

Then the seven things that can wreck your life may change into the seven things that can save your life: Virtue, generosity, loving kindness, serenity, truthfulness, determination, and wisdom.

E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=E._Raymond_Rock

Vigorelle as a Female Sex Stimulant or Viagra? How Vigorelle Compares

By Kani Oglee

What it would be like for a woman to take Viagra? For men, it's purpose is to increase blood flow to a semi-rigid male organ which does not perform well unless it's made substantially firmer.
Once that obstacle has been overcome then optimum performance can occur. Now you may wonder, what does that have to do with a woman's organ(s)? In this context, Not much, yet.

The active ingredient in Viagra is sildenafil. Some researchers surmise that sildenafil could have similar effects in women - the erectile tissue of the clitoris would engorge with blood through the same mechanism. The pharmaceutical company Pfizer (which formulated Viagra) has run tests on women to see what sildenafil's effects would be. Consequently, no solid conclusions were drawn. Equivalent attempts to mimic Viagra have also been run by other companies but the results have also been inconclusive.

Enter Vigorelle. In hindsight, the focus has been primarily on men's sexual performance (and the resulting pleasure of such). Massive attention to this has resulted in a multitude of prescription drugs and over-the-counter natural supplements and herbs. Again, for men only.
Eventually, a few companies began to realize that women have similar needs (and desires) as well. This has resulted in the availability of products like Vigorelle that work in the same manner. These are creams that stimulate and heighten a woman's sensitivity which lead to more powerful and satisfying orgasms. Even better, they don't require ingestion and the range of side effects that can occur.

Viagra is known to cause skin flushes, headaches, indigestion, and muscle pain. Other symptoms (from higher doses) can include visual problems such as seeing a haze around objects. Prolonged and long lasting painful erections (priapism) can happen which is kind of an overshoot of what the initial plan was. Those on heart medications or who use other substances containing or cut with nitrates can experience serious lowering of blood pressure or other drug related interactions. Viagra is a prescription medication.

Non-prescription topical creams like this are used on the outside of the body and work through skin penetration or what's known as transdermal delivery. With this method, the ingredients can be safely enhanced by combining botanical extracts and therapeutic nutrients which can greatly enhance sexual sensations in a woman's body. Add to those skin permeation enhancers such as L-Arginine HCL and you get fast, effective absorption of key herbal ingredients into the female lymphatic system. This all sounds pretty technical but the end result is what matters - the opportunity for a woman to finally achieve orgasm without having to fake it.

Kani Oglee site spends hours, days, combing within and outside the internet finding and posting information specifically on target to the topic.

For additional enrichment, please visit http://www.vigorelle-reviews.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kani_Oglee

The Simple Secret for More Sex

When women are rushed, sleep suffers -- and so does your sex life
By: Geordie Brackin in Men's Health

A recent survey of American women confirmed what most women already knew (and men suspected): They're so rushed during the day that they don't get enough sleep, and that means less sex for everyone. According to the National Sleep Foundation, women who are short on time first cut back on sleep and exercise. Next to suffer cutbacks: social life, healthy eating...and sex.

"This is the largest survey in the U.S. of women in all stages of their life," says Dr. Meir Kryger, director of research and education of Sleep Medicine at Gaylord Hospital in Wallingford, CT. "It's one of the first to take into account both biology and lifestyle.

"If poor sleep patterns are a daily occurrence for women, it severely impacts their energy towards sex in the bedroom -- which is going to then affect men. It's all interconnected, and recognizing the problem will help any relationship."
We turned to Men's Health's expert, Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., our Bedroom Confidential columnist, for help.

Does this explain the "I'm too tired" excuse?
Clearly some women and men do say "I'm too tired" when they mean "I don't want to", "I'm too stressed", "I have other things on my mind", or "I'm annoyed with you". What it means probably depends on the person. Often it is a way of getting out of sex without a confrontation -- she could just be mad that you came home late and didn't call or didn't empty the dishwasher.

But the take-home message from this study should be that women (and likely men) are not getting enough sleep, bottom line, and that there are ways men and women, as partners, can improve this. Sleep has a very important effect -- including having enough energy for sex as well as sexual performance, meaning orgasms for women and men, and erections for men.

Guys can always find time for sex. Why not women?
Men do not always budget time for sex, either; they may say that, but research shows that they don't. Fatigue is a common reason that both men and women opt out of sex. Many people who deal with fatigue instead try to have sex in the morning when they may be less tired, if they tend to get more tired in the afternoon or evening. This may be a good solution for some men and their partners, too.

If more sleep equals more sex, what can men do to help women get more rest?
We know from years of research that even when couples start out in "equal" relationships, they tend over time to settle into more traditional roles, with women taking on more home and family tasks like homework, cooking, and cleaning, while men serve as breadwinners. Men may be able to ease their wife or girlfriend's burden -- and help her get more sleep -- if they work with their partner to make the last few hours of the day more peaceful.

Such as?
Here are some ideas:

1. Hire someone to help cook meals for the family, at least once in a while. Personal chef services are available but it doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Some families make meal preparation part of babysitters' responsibilities.

2. Hire a babysitter -- maybe even one that takes the kids out, while men and their partners stay in for a romantic dinner.

3. Go on a walk after dinner. This calms the kids, provides family time, gives everyone exercise which makes us tired enough for sleep but overall more healthy and active for sex.

4. Give her a massage.

5. Offer to draw her a warm bath.

6. Give the kids chores to take some of the burden off of her.

7. Hire someone to clean the house, either a professional service or local college student.

8. Take the TV out of the bedroom. Many women in the survey were watching TV before bed, which can make for restless sleep and less sex.

9. To help relax women and to set the mood, men can work with their partners to decide on a decent and early enough bed routine for the kids, give their wife or girlfriend space to get any work needed done before bed, and then still have 30-60 minutes of down time before sleep.

It sounds weird: to get more sex, we should encourage her to sleep more.
I would encourage men to strive for quality over quantity when it comes to sex. If they can make her day-to-day life easier and more restful, then when they do have sex it should hopefully be more enjoyable and something she WANTS to do, rather than feeling obligated to.

"Giving in" to sex when one is tired can set up a cycle of dreading sex but having it anyway. Having sex only when you want to, and have energy for it, is likely to make it better and set up a cycle of desire rather than obligation.

All-natural sex pills pose hidden dangers

Herbal alternatives to Viagra can be fatal for men on common heart drugs

Many of the pills marketed as safe herbal alternatives to Viagra and other prescription sex medications pose a hidden danger: For men on common heart and blood-pressure drugs, popping one could lead to a stroke, or even death.

“All-natural” products with names like Stamina-RX and Vigor-25 promise an apothecary’s delight of rare Asian ingredients, but many work because they contain unregulated versions of the very pharmaceuticals they are supposed to replace.

That dirty secret represents a special danger for the millions of men who take nitrates — drugs prescribed to lower blood pressure and regulate heart disease. When mixed, nitrates and impotency pharmaceuticals can slow blood flow catastrophically, leading to a heart attack or stroke.

An Associated Press investigation shows that spiked herbal impotency pills are emerging as a major public health concern that officials haven’t figured out how to track, much less tame.

Emergency rooms and poison control hot lines are starting to log more incidents of the long-ignored phenomenon. Sales of “natural sexual enhancers” are booming — rising to nearly $400 million last year. And dangerous knockoffs abound.

At greatest risk are the estimated 5.5 million American men who take nitrates — generally older and more likely to need help with erectile dysfunction.

Herbal appealThe all-natural message can be appealing to such men, warned by their doctors and ubiquitous TV commercials not to take Viagra, Cialis or Levitra.

James Neal-Kababick, director of Oregon-based Flora Research Laboratories, said about 90 percent of the hundreds of samples he has analyzed contained forms of patented pharmaceuticals — some with doses more than twice that of prescription erectile dysfunction medicine. Other testers report similar results, particularly among pills that promise immediate results.

While no deaths have been reported, the AP found records of emergency room visits attributed to all-natural sex pills in Georgia, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Diego and elsewhere.

An elderly man in a retirement community north of Los Angeles took an in-the-mail sample and landed in the hospital for four days. A Michigan man sued the maker of Spontane-ES, blaming it for the stroke he suffered 20 minutes after taking a freebie that was advertised as “extremely safe.” Tim Fulmer, a lawyer representing Spontane-ES, said the pill did not contain any pharmaceutical and was not responsible for the stroke.

Mark B. Mycyk, a Chicago emergency room doctor who directs Northwestern University’s clinical toxicology research program, said he is seeing increasing numbers of patients who unwittingly took prescription-strength doses of the alternatives, a trend he attributes to ease of purchase on the Internet and the desperation of vulnerable men. He said he wouldn’t be surprised if there’d been undetected deaths from bad herbal pills.

Some herbal labels warn off users with heart or blood-pressure problems if they have taken their medicine within six hours; some doctors say 24 hours or more would be safer.

The AP often couldn’t determine from records whether incidents reported to tracking systems of the federal Food and Drug Administration and state poison control centers involved mixing herbal alternatives with nitrates.

Some men in their 30s who went to emergency rooms after taking herbal sex pills were presumably otherwise healthy, but they showed the transitory side effects of the active ingredients in regulated impotency pharmaceuticals, such as difficulty seeing clearly or severe headaches, records show.

While public health officials don’t know the extent of the problem, they agree that incidents are vastly underreported, with national tracking systems capturing perhaps as little as 1 percent of them. Victims may be embarrassed, and doctors rarely ask about supplements.

Since 2001, sales of supplements marketed as natural sexual enhancers have risen $100 million, to $398 million last year, including herbal mixtures, according to estimates by Nutrition Business Journal. Some legitimate herbal mixtures claim to work gradually over weeks; it’s the herbals marketed for immediate trysts that often are the problem.

Tight budgets, weak regulations and other priorities limit the FDA’s ability to police the products, often promoted via blasts of e-mail spam and fly-by-night Web sites.

“The Internet poses many enforcement challenges,” said Dr. Linda Silvers, who leads an FDA team that targets fraudulent health products sold online. “A Web site can look sophisticated and legitimate, but actually be an illegal operation.”

In many cases, the ingredients used to alter herbal pills come from Asia, particularly China, where the sexual enhancers are cooked up in labs at the beginning of a winding supply chain. The FDA has placed pills by two manufacturers in China and one from Malaysia on an import watch list.

Pills like Cialis generally retail at pharmacies for between $13 and $20, while herbals can cost less than $1, up to about $5.

Many health insurance plans provide limited coverage for prescription sex pills, especially for those with health-related difficulties. Few over-the-counter treatments are covered, and herbals aren’t likely to be among them, in part because they’re classified as foods not pharmaceuticals, said Mohit M. Ghose, spokesman for America’s Health Insurance Plans, which represents major health insurers.

Spiked pills have turned up in Thailand, Taiwan, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Malaysia, the United Kingdom and the United States, according to testing done by Pfizer Inc., the New York-based pharmaceutical giant that developed Viagra. The company said that 69 percent of 3,400 supplements it purchased in China contained sildenafil citrate, the main ingredient in Viagra. Pfizer didn’t check for the patented ingredients of its rivals.

Limited regulation
Under U.S. law, because such pills are “dietary supplements,” they’re far less regulated than pharmaceuticals and face few barriers to market. Viagra, by contrast, underwent years of testing before it was publicly available.

While herbal alternatives often contain exact copies of the patented drugs, some makers tweak the molecules to keep the effect of the original pharmaceutical while avoiding the scrutiny of the FDA and outside testing labs.

Federal officials have only recently stepped up investigations and prosecutions, and in any case, the FDA’s recall power is limited. Last week, in response to safety concerns about imported toothpaste, dog food and toys, President Bush recommended that the FDA be authorized to order mandatory recalls of dangerous products.

Currently, recalls are voluntary, and even if the agency determines that a product poses a “significant health risk,” a firm may refuse to cooperate. Plus, recalled products are widely offered on the Internet and pills are hard to round up.

Before a product called Nasutra was recalled a year ago by its manufacturer, the FDA had received a 30-year-old man’s report of a raging headache and an erection that wouldn’t go down. Following the recall, a 32-year-old man reported having spontaneous nose bleeds after taking the pill, records show.

E-mails requesting comment from Nasutra LLC, the company that voluntarily recalled the product in September 2006, were not returned. The FDA says the firm is located in Los Angeles; there is no listed phone number in the region.

Recalls of herbal pillsDuring the past year, the FDA has orchestrated eight recalls of “herbal” pills that contained the ingredients found in Viagra, Cialis or Levitra, or their unregulated chemical cousins. Many of the firms were based around Los Angeles, their offices ranging from an unsigned door in a grungy hall on the fringe of downtown to a gated complex near Beverly Hills.

One recall involved a pill called Liviro3.

The current owner of the drug’s marketing and distributing firm said that after he tried the product, he quit his job at a car dealership and bought the brand name and stock of several thousand pills in 2004 for $450,000. In January, he said, FDA agents seized his stockpile after an agency lab found that Liviro3 contained tadalafil, the main ingredient in Cialis. The man told the AP he’d had no idea the pills were drug-laced.

One prosecution involved V. Vigor Corp., the Long Island-based maker of Vigor-25. While the product was advertised as containing Asian ginseng, lycium fruit and Chinese yam rhizome, FDA testing indicated that the pills contained Viagra.

Company executive Michael Peng had agreed to stop selling Vigor-25 following an FDA agent’s visit in late 2004, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. But between then and his arrest in September, at least 4.5 million pills were packaged for distribution, the affidavit said. According to prosecutors, Peng thought he could evade tests simply by switching from the sildenafil citrate he imported from China to Levitra’s active ingredient, vardenafil — a shipment of which U.S. Customs intercepted from Thailand.

Peng, who said through his attorney that he was “unaware that there was anything other than natural supplements” in Vigor-25, faces a charge of misbranding — in this instance, claiming that a pharmaceutical is a dietary supplement.

Two other pills, Spontane-ES and Stamina-RX, were made by companies run by Jared Wheat, who’s facing federal charges in Atlanta that he peddled knockoff pharmaceuticals cooked in a Central American lab. Prosecutors tried to keep Wheat from posting bail by asserting that he contemplated killing an FDA investigator and bribing a prosecutor.

Fulmer rejected those assertions, which did not lead to charges, saying Wheat is hardworking and nonviolent. Fulmer said Wheat’s two businesses are legitimate and continue to be successful.

Wheat was granted bond after pledging approximately $7.5 million in cash and property; he’s free under home confinement.

© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

5 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman

Interested in a life of constant arguing, withering stares, and no sex? Just keep using these phrases

By: Sarah Miller

SPEAK NO EVIL
Women freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason.

You say something that you consider totally innocuous, or even downright nice, only to find that you've offended, enraged, or annoyed us.

Your first problem--being attracted to women, a very weird group of people--is not going to go away. But here's a problem you can solve: word choice. You need to know the phrases that, once introduced to her volatile atmosphere, will result in explosion (or quiet contempt--no picnic either). Then you need to strike them from your vocabulary.

Warning: Some of these absolute no-no words and phrases seem so incredibly harmless, you may think we're kidding. We're not.

Forbidden Phrase #1: "Relax."
It might seem logical to you to tell a woman who's freaking out to relax. And if "logical" meant the same thing as "stupidest idea ever," you'd be correct. Understand, a woman screaming and carrying on in anger or frustration or panic thinks that her response is 100 percent appropriate. If the inciting situation has anything to do with you, she feels she has a responsibility to freak out extra to compensate for your maddening calm.

So when you tell her to relax, you're implying that your response--i.e., nothing--is correct. You're denying that there's a reason to be upset. You're telling her she's crazy. Women may sometimes feel crazy and joke about it, but anything smacking of accusations of being crazy will be far from soothing.

Say..."I'm just as upset about this as you are. Let's deal with it together." This way she knows you're totally sympathetic. This should help her to...oh, God...relax.

Forbidden Phrase #2: "I love you." (During a fight)
In movies, "I love you" is usually employed by men during I-love-you–appropriate situations--lovemaking, walks on the beach, airport reunions. In real life, a woman hears "I love you" most often at that point in a fight when she desperately wants to get to the heart of the issue, and when you desperately want to stop this nonsense and watch Alias--which you don't normally even watch.

When you come home shirtless from a bachelor party or forget our birthdays and stand there in the face of our rage and crushing disappointment, do you really believe that merely stating the powerful existence of your love is going to make everything okay? Because it's not.

Say . . .

1. "[Insert detailed explanation of what you did and why you did it.]"

2. "It won't happen again."

3. "I love you." (It's okay at the end of the apology, just not at the beginning.)

And when you go to a bachelor party, take along an extra shirt.

Forbidden Phrase #3: "It's up to you." (A.K.A. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me.")

Relationships are full of decisions. You decide where to eat, where to go on vacation, where to send your child to preschool. Most men wouldn't dream of looking at their wife or girlfriend and saying, "You know what? I just don't care." They would, however, say, "It's up to you." And find themselves in a world of hurt they never saw coming.

Men think of decision-making as work without pay. For women, it's like window-shopping for life's possibilities, and we want you to help us shop. So when you say, "It's up to you," we feel abandoned.

Say . . . "I could definitely do A or B, but I'm not crazy about C. What are you thinking?" This shows you're listening, suggests you care, and gets you out of deciding.

Forbidden Phrase #4: "You knew I was this way when you married me."
Well, the truth is that we didn't. Or we knew deep down, but we were so busy enjoying our fantasy of you that we chose to ignore what was really there. It's not your fault. It's just that when we were little, we spent so much time daydreaming about having the perfect life. Now that we're actually in grown-up life, we can't turn off our daydreaming switch.

Telling a woman, "You knew I was this way when you married me" is like saying the way your life is right now is the way it's going to be forever and ever. And that may well be true--in many wonderful and not-so-wonderful ways. But if she were to accept that, a little part of her would die.

Say . . . "It frustrates me, too--and I'm working on it." It's a lie. That's okay.

Forbidden Phrase #5: (Nothing)
At times, you may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. You may think, If I just keep my mouth shut, I'll be okay. Well, no. Imagine you're pitching in a baseball game in which there is no hitter, not even a catcher. You would not enjoy that. Imagine yourself, head hanging, going to retrieve the ball yourself and, once again, throwing it to no one. That's how we feel when you don't talk to us.

Say . . . Anything. Throw the ball back. Throw it badly. Even risk throwing a wild pitch and letting her take an extra base. But keep your head in the game.

THE MAGIC WORDS
3 instant get-out-of-jail-free cards

When a woman wants to kill you, you have one thing going for you: Deep down, a tiny part of her wants you to make her not do it. She just might put down the apple slicer if you say one of the following sentences.

"Just tell me everything." I don't think a man has ever actually uttered this statement, so make history. Here's the thing: Our most violent anger is often the result of anticipating being forced to shut up. So once we're told we can give our entire, endless account--no rushing or defending ourselves--we cool off. Side benefit: We also get a little intimidated. We think, Is this part important or interesting or relevant? We edit ourselves.

"You are just so beautiful." The trick: You must say it as if it's just occurring to you at the moment, as if her pulchritude were a rainbow suddenly in your path, the stunningness of which has left you incapacitated, emotionally stunted, but in a good way. Say it as if you can remember little else--certainly not whatever irksome matter you were just discussing. Works well as an alternative to "I love you"-- but, the same way butter makes anything taste better, it's all-purpose.

"Sorry. It was all my fault." So classic. So hard to say. Because it's never all your fault, of course--and it's a very rare case in which she shouldn't also say she's sorry. Everyone likes to save face, especially men. But truly, there is nothing hotter to a woman than a man who's willing to admit he was wrong because he just loves her so damn much. You might feel like you're losing her respect, but unless you're always the one to apologize (which means you have a crazy lady on your hands), trust me, you're gaining it.

10 Ways to Make Her Beg for More

Are you trying too hard? Or not hard enough? Strike the right balance and she won't be able to keep her mind, or her hands, off you

By: Sarah Miller

Women love men. We want your attention and love more than we want anything else on this planet. That's the good news. The less-good news is that the amount of attention and love we want is very specific. If you don't give us enough, we will get mad and seek it elsewhere. Shower us with too much, though, and we lose interest, right after we get grossed out. Striking the perfect balance makes us feel taken care of and independent all at once, and that makes you irresistible. These 10 simple lessons will help you find the right proportions.

1. You're trying too hard if you use any line other than "Hi, my name is Jimmy." You're not trying hard enough if you just stand there and drink beer.

The first step, as always, is getting a woman to go out with you. Whether you're talking to a friend of a friend, a woman you met at a bar, or a photogenic stranger online, you want to come across as interested and friendly but not desperate. You will not lose points for approaching with confidence. Remember, women want you to hit on them; it's why we wear tank tops and lipstick. Once you have engaged her attention, the really hard part is over. The best thing you can do at this point is just let her talk. She should be good at that.

When it's your turn, try to give answers that are not mumbled and are more detailed than a Magic 8-Ball response. Say something about why you got into your line of work or, if you hate your job, something about your pet. If you hate your job and you don't have a pet, you must be very unhappy, so then, of course, you could start talking about therapy. The point is, you can talk about anything, and if you're funny and relatively sure of yourself, she'll appreciate your input. When in doubt, turn the focus back on her.

Also, during initial encounters, it's common for guys to start ticking off their accomplishments. Such as, "It's funny you should mention your plans for the Fourth of July, because I happened to go to Harvard -- near Boston, where the American Revolution began." Keep in mind that talking to a woman for the first time is not a job interview, however similar the two might seem. Excerpt your resume sparingly.

2. You're trying too hard if the evening you've arranged required more than two reservations. You're not trying hard enough if you show up expecting her to improvise a game plan.

Some men make the mistake of going all out on the first date -- the limo, the four-star restaurant, the front-row seats. This worked for Frank Sinatra, but unless you once sold out the Copa Room at the Sands, it will not work for you.

If such luxury is not your standard, you're going to be out of your element at a time when you should be smack in its middle. Stick with what you know. Take her to a place you like, where the owner and host and waitstaff know you. Familiarity and friendliness impress us, unless it's a topless bar.

And don't forget: Clean your car. If you invite her back to your place at the end of the evening and your home is a little messy, that's not such a big deal. (You might even get bonus points because it will appear that your proposition wasn't premeditated.) A messy car, however, is a different story. Something about it just says, "I want to be alone. Forever."

3. Smitten can easily turn into pathetic.

It's natural, in the heat of a new relationship, to go wild. You want to whisk her away for a romantic weekend, you want to create brilliant mix CDs for her, you want to pull her into every available photo booth for cute snapshots of the two of you nuzzling. And if you're pretty sure she's 100 percent into you, go for it. (Just don't make us watch.) If, however, you sense that she's interested, yet not quite as over the moon as you are, try doing one of those things, but not all of them.

See, you shouldn't be afraid to try to win over a woman who's undecided about you; if it didn't occasionally work, the word "woo" wouldn't exist. But if you must pursue, do so without getting all neurotic about it, and simply because you enjoy the pleasure of her company. Most women find such pure dedication difficult to ignore.

Tip: Don't ever ask a woman you're dating, "Where is this going?" If you have to ask, the answer is not likely to be one you'll want to hear. And anyway, women have exclusive rights to that query, don't ya know?

4. When it comes to sex, her saying "Wow" is good. "Wow, are you auditioning for the circus?" means you probably need to ease it down a notch.
Women do like to have orgasms. We don't need to have 10 in one night. Secret, exciting techniques are great; if they're effective, it will be evident and there will be no need for a recap, complete with anatomy lesson, of what's just transpired. The good thing about sex is that it's intimate. The scary thing about sex is that intimacy brings out everyone's insecurities. Avoid the impulse to ask if it was good, and how good, and was it the best? As for trying to find out what she likes, you should be able to tell by her responses.

If you're not sure, say something like, "Just FYI, I take requests." Add a wink, and an icky conversation is successfully avoided.

Don't ask, "Did you enjoy that?" You'll sound like a waiter. A particularly annoying waiter, at that.

5. Communication: good. Poetry: bad.

My friend received an e-mail from her new boyfriend the other day that said, "I'm watching the skies of Seattle grayen and begin to weep, and taking some time to reflect on the day." This is a classic example of a guy trying way, way too hard. I don't know if she's broken up with him yet, but she's probably thinking about it. What's sad is that some ex-girlfriend probably told him he should share his feelings more, but then neglected to add that those feelings should be expressed in plain English and not dressed up in a stupid little outfit.

Women really want to hear absolutely everything, so talk, fax, e-mail, call us all you want. But when you do, make sure you sound genuine.

Rule of thumb: You know you're in trouble when you start making up words.

6. Think boyfriend, not butler.

Men with good manners are cute and can even be sexy. Men with excessively good manners are obsequious and often repulsive. It's a question of degree: If it's raining or she's wearing a formal gown, go ahead and open her car door first; otherwise, it's fine, after the first few dates, to just unlock it from inside. Getting her a drink from the bar is great, but don't order dinner for her.
Opening doors is nice, but not if you have to sprint ahead of her to do so. Leaving her at the coffeeshop while you run to the deli for the soy milk she likes or mailing a shower puff to her at the office because she mentioned in passing that she needs a new one (true stories) is way too attentive.

Relax. We're not expecting too much. Show us just a degree more courtesy than you'd show the next guy, and you'll impress.

7. Go the fun (not romantic with a capital R) route for a first-time getaway.

Flying to Paris with a man sounds romantic to a woman. Your mentioning it on date three sounds moderately psycho -- and a lot like a false promise. When you first knock suitcases with a new lover, make sure they're weekender bags -- and drive to a nearby casual destination. Heading to Texas for your cousin's wedding: not so casual.

Side note: If you're both outdoorsy and athletic, an adventurous weekend spent rafting or rock climbing will show off your muscles and be sure to impress. However, if you lack athletic grace, it's a bad idea to ask a woman you've just started seeing to go on, say, a ski weekend. Your sitzmark won't be sexy. Her fake fall to ease your embarrassment won't be subtle. Everyone will end up bruised and turned off.

8. You're trying too hard if you take her home to Mama too soon. You're not trying hard enough if she suspects you're an orphan.

It's okay -- good, even -- to talk about your family on early dates. It helps us create the emotional profile of you that we're building in our minds. But it's scary to a woman if you let slip too early that you told your mom about her. Or if you ask her to meet your parents before it's clear you're an exclusive couple.

Tip: Family photos on your fridge can launch intimate conversations. However, nonstop chatter about your nieces and nephews says you're trying too hard to convince us you're really into kids. This tends to be a common tipoff of commitment phobia. Consider yourself suspect.

9. Random acts of kindness impress. Doing everything for her is patronizing.

Changing the lightbulb in her high-ceilinged kitchen because you've noticed it's been out for a while and, well, you know she can't reach it and has a fear of ladders is the kind of stealth thoughtful move that makes a girl want to keep you around forever. Changing all the bulbs in her apartment to energy-saving fluorescent: trying too hard. Yes, women love men who volunteer their strength and guy knowledge when needed and, sometimes, without asking. The fact that you want to take care of her is sexy.

But bear in mind: She managed her life before you came along.

10. Remember: Your cousin Victor, who acts like a jerk but has nine girlfriends, is not a role model. He's a force of nature.

Yes, there are guys out there who treat women poorly and still get laid all the time. You wonder, Would I have better luck if I behaved the way they do? You wouldn't. And here's why: Those guys are either really gorgeous or otherwise oozing some mysterious sex appeal that can be neither identified nor emulated. Sorry. Some day those men will be old and will not, like you, have cultivated all these amazing woman-pleasing skills. Their beautiful young wives will cheat on them with the next generation of sex-seeping slimeballs. Take comfort in this.

In the meantime: You're sentenced to a romantic life demanding a healthy modicum of effort, many acts of kindness, and occasional restraint. Start now!

Source: Men's Health

Talk Her Clothes Off

Say the right thing and your relationship will be richer, fuller, and more naked than ever.

By Kelly Marages, Men's Health

The way to a woman's bedroom is through her ears. That's because for me and most women I know, chatting about relationships is as much fun as having them. It starts during kindergarten ("Want to be my boyfriend?") and continues through adolescence ("Do you like him, or do you like him like him?") and adulthood ("Call me after your date, to recap").

To have a rich, full, naked relationship with one of us, you have to participate in this sort of chatter. And that can be a problem. "She's doing something she's done throughout her life and feels good at," says Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., whose book You Just Don't Understand unlocks the mysteries of male-female communication. "He hasn't done much of it, doesn't particularly enjoy it, and feels it's not his game." So you try your best - asking good questions, giving solid answers, and making her laugh. But there are a few difficult conversations that men, try as they might, tend to screw up.

That's about to change. Here is your guide to the six trickiest relationship talks. "Each of these, if handled correctly, is a ticket to the next level of intimacy with a woman," promises Les Parrott, Ph.D., the author of Love Talk. In other words, say the right thing and your relationship will be richer, fuller, and more naked than ever. And that's worth talking about.

The STD Talk

She asks: "How many women have you slept with?"

You answer: "Thirty-six."

Why that's a mistake: Uh, hello, McFly, she wasn't really asking how many women you've slept with. She was asking if you've ever been tested for sexually transmitted diseases. But now that you've answered truthfully, she'll be sure to hold it against you.

What to say instead: "I'm not really into keeping score, but if you're worried about STDs, I was tested last month" - or whatever the reality is - "and if it'll make you feel better, I'll see my doctor next week." Then go. The more proactive you are, the more comfortable she'll be and the better the sex will be. "The only way you're going to enjoy sex is if you get this talk out of the way," says Logan Levkoff, a sexologist and the author of Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be.

The Birth-Control Talk

She asks: "Did you bring a condom?"

You answer: "Why don't you go on the Pill?"

Why that's a mistake: You think you're being honest and direct. She thinks you're being selfish, and isn't that just typical. Anger ensues. Sex doesn't.

What to say instead: "Do you like how sex feels when I'm wearing a condom?" You do have a shot, because most women prefer sex au naturel, too. Take her answer as a jumping-off point to share your preferences. She's not likely to say, "What a great idea. I'll see my gynecologist tomorrow." So be willing to shelve this discussion for a few months - and to try various types of condoms - while she determines whether you're Pillworthy.

The Where's-This-Going? Talk

She asks: "Where's this going?"

You answer: "Back off, man trap."

Why that's a mistake: You think she's asking why you haven't proposed. But she's just wondering if you see her in your short-or long-term future. You feel cornered and storm out. She shatters a vase on the wall.

What to say instead: "Can we talk about this on Saturday?" You need to think about where the relationship actually is going. On Saturday, put all your thoughts and concerns on the table, says Janet Surrey, Ph.D., coauthor of We Have to Talk. Don't worry about having all answers. She just wants you to think about the question. The one exception: If you don't want the relationship to go farther, say so. She's prepared for the worst, so she'll take the news pretty well.

The Sexual-Desire Talk

She says: "Let's just snuggle tonight."

You answer: "Why don't you ever want to have sex with me?"

Why that's a mistake: Guilt isn't hot. Neither is selfishness. "Don't make it seem like you're only interested in getting what you want, even if you are," says Surrey. If you become frustrated, she'll become frosty.

What to say instead: "How would you like a massage?" She'll know what your motive is, but since you're putting her pleasure first, she's more apt to overlook it. If she still wants only to sleep in your arms, let her. Then initiate sex in the a.m. Her testosterone spikes in the morning, and cuddling increases oxytocin, a hormone that makes her feel more amorous.

The Money Talk

She asks: "Do you like my new shoes?"

You answer: "You really need more shoes?"

Why that's a mistake: No, she didn't need another pair of shoes, just like you didn't need an iPhone. But she's modeling them for you now, so get over it.

What to say instead: "They look great on you." Then gently remind her about that trip you're both saving for. "What leads to fighting is not being clear about financial goals," says Sharon Epperson, author of The Big Payoff. If you haven't agreed on what you're saving for yet, take this as a sign you should start. Go over your budget at the start of every month, suggests Epperson. Along with long-term goals, it needs room for pleasure purchases like shoes and iStuff.

The Room-To-Breathe Talk

She says: "I need some space."

You answer: "Have a nice life."

Why that's a mistake: When a woman asks for space, she's not dumping you. She just wants a few days to herself. Or... she's testing you to see how invested you are in the relationship. If you bolt, you fail.

What to say instead: "Take as much space as you need." Chances are she'll clear her head, miss you, and end up calling within a week. During that time, put your thoughts about the relationship - the good and bad, and where you see it going - in a letter. "Writing it will allow you to gather your thoughts and convey to her how you truly feel," says Surrey. Send the letter. She may not come running back to you, but at least you'll have started the conversation.

Love, Sex and Craziness

By Christina Sponias

Freud developed his psychology based on human sexuality only because this is the most frequent reason for the appearance of crazy behaviour in anyone. Even though his statements were not correct in many points, as other psychologists after Freud demonstrated, we have to consider the basic importance that our sexual life has on our psychological health.

The crazy love that suddenly appears in our life completely changes our behaviour. We feel totally weak.

This strong love can be very dangerous, especially if we love the wrong person...
Carl Jung discovered that there are several symbols that appear in our dreams repeatedly, always representing the same things. This way he could learn how to precisely translate the dreams' meaning, even though sometimes he couldn't define the real meaning of certain symbols.

Continuing his work after his death, I could learn how to interpret dreams even better than him by using his own method because I'm a writer and there were several dream symbols in my literature. The same symbols are found in all dreams of people throughout Earth and throughout historic times. By translating them, I could understand everything he could not see and I continued his research and explored the wild side of our conscience.

Jung defines the anima as the figure of the perfect woman for a man, the type of woman that he really likes, and he defines the animus as the figure of the perfect man for a woman. The anima and the animus are symbols that appear in our dreams and in several artistic manifestations like literature, drawing and theatre.

These symbols are mirrored in real life. They are not fantastic creatures, but they represent a real person of our real daily life. So, if we learn how to translate our dreams' messages according to their symbolic meaning, we can understand how to find the perfect companion for us and especially, how to avoid the wrong person, who will only make us suffer very much, besides helping the wild side of our conscience cause craziness.

First of all, this wild and evil side of our conscience (which I term the anti-conscience because it tries to destroy our human conscience) starts causing craziness in us even with the strong desire we have when we love the wrong person. Thus, craziness begins from there.

We believe that we love someone because our heart wants that person and our body feels pleasure with the idea of contact with the person or their presence.

With the feeling of love we also have a strong sexual desire, a passion that makes us blind... This is a very dangerous condition.

The human being cannot control one's behaviour when one is simultaneously dominated by this strong feeling and strong sexual desire.

Many times, the person one loves is married or is completely different from them, which means that they will have only many problems and they will face only many painful situations with them.

This is how craziness starts completely ruining their lives. The strong attraction toward married people and toward people who belong to an opposite psychological type as compared to oneself are the main reasons for the sudden development of craziness in anyone.

When someone loves another completely, one despises moral rules; one does not care about family or friends... One doesn't care about anyone or anything else.

This is how love, sex and craziness form the links of a chain.

We can even observe the existence of ready behavioural programs in our learning mechanism that function according to the appearance of certain stimuli in our environment. Many of our reactions are completely instinctive when these stimuli appear in front of us.

The blind passion and the uncontrollable sexual desire can easily lead anyone to worse craziness. That's why we need protection.

Fortunately, thanks to the accurate dream interpretation possible now thanks to Jung's work and my work continuing his, anyone can learn how to protect themselves from false desires and absurd feelings, as well as how to really find the correct person for them, the person that will really make them happy.

In order to find the right person, one has to learn how to look for the person who is really the one he or she needs. This can be done through dream interpretation because the wise unconscious that produces dreams reveals our mistakes when we choose a companion who is not the ideal one, even though he or she may appear to be so to our ignorant eyes.

Similarly, the unconscious teaches us how to look for characteristics that match our characteristics because we can be happy only with someone who has similar psychological attitudes as us.

We learn how to judge the person we love, the important points we have to care about, how we can live peacefully without conflicts and misunderstandings and which are the basic factors through which we can always maintain our relationship in a level of complete comprehension and perfect identification with the other person, while each one of us develops his or her own individual personality.

Prevent Depression and Craziness through the scientific method of Dream Interpretation discovered by Carl Jung and simplified by Christina Sponias, a writer who continued Jung's research in the unknown region of the human psychic sphere.
Learn more at: http://www.booksirecommend.com

Same Sex Marriage

By Je Dunn

The issue of gay and lesbian marriage and families is a hotly debated topic. Everybody has an opinion most of these opinions are very strong which makes the subject almost impossible to discuss between those with opposing points of view.

The issue and beliefs about the homosexual community in general is further convoluted by social, political and religious views that go back centuries.

But if one was to look at the facts about gay and lesbian families scientifically and not from an emotional stand point and base their conclusions on what has been proven fact, and not just based on things believed to be fact, the topic may become much more acceptable for everyone.

To address this heated subject let’s look at the fundamental issues. First, What Is A Family? Second, What Is Marriage?

A family is different things to different people. To many it is mom, dad and brothers and sisters.
To others it may be mom and grand mom. And still to others it may be the people that have raised you in foster care or simply your husband or wife.

When you stop and really try to define what a family is you realize that the term doesn’t fit into a net narrow package, so when people say that gay or lesbian couples shouldn’t be parenting children because it undermines the family structure, which structure of a family is being referred to?

Children need a stable family environment to thrive. They need to be loved and taught kindness and wrong from right. If this is accomplished does the type of family structure really matter the facts show that they don’t.

Recent conclusions based on studies of homosexual parenting show that there no significant differences in children raised b lesbian mothers’ verses heterosexual mothers.

The issue of gay marriage is at the forefront of today’s political topics. Again if the subject matter is looked at based on ascertainable factually information and not on emotion the proper conclusions can be drawn.

The act of “Marriage” is basically a legally binding agreement where two people commit to live their lives together and to be true to each other till death do they part. Now agreement is mostly to be thought of as a contract between a man and a woman but if you were a Mormon for instance it could be between a man and several women. Does that make it any less of a valid commitment?

Does Polygamy undermine the stability of a relationship or the development of the children being raised in this environment? What about children being raised by one parent or even no parents such as homeless children or those orphanages’?

The bottom line is if two human beings are committed to each other and to providing a loving environment for the children they raise will society be worse off or better off in the future?
What's your view on gay and lesbian marriage? Visit Parenting Today to find out more at...Same Sex Marriage