Vibrant Relationships - Growing Your Marriage Into A Lasting Relationship

By Kristina Von Rosenvinge

Growing your marriage into a lasting relationship involves learning to think in terms of WE. A marriage is a two person event. In the beginning the couple experiences a strong physical and emotional attraction to each other. Each is also tuned into the partner and focused on pleasing the other. They are happy and get married.

Gradually the demands of life put stresses on their relationship. They may experience a conflict between their personal happiness and their relationship happiness. It is how the couple makes room for both - personal and relationship satisfaction and contentment that helps their marriage grow into a lasting relationship.

Below are five concepts to keep in mind when thinking about how to nurture the marriage.

1. Love is a decision to do ongoing work to be a caring partner.
Caring about your partner is being cognizant that what you say or do has an impact on the relationship. You have to learn to think on two levels: I and We. Both are equally important.
Simultaneously you have to care about what your spouse needs.

2. Care about how you contribute to the relationship
Ask yourself how you can be a loving partner and then act on that. Accept your partner for who he/she is and be of support to each other.

3. Work through stresses by focusing on preserving and enhancing the relationship.
Life inevitably brings stresses and conflict. By keeping in mind that preserving the relationship matters it becomes easier for each person to handle their differences in a way that does not adversely affect the marriage.

4. Behavior is conditional
Loving someone does not mean that one puts up with behavior that is destructive to the marriage. Each person has to take responsibility to act in a way that does not hurt the relationship. If one spouse has acted in a way that has been hurtful to the other there has to be a willingness to say "I am sorry".

5. Develop a loving friendship
In relationships that last there is a joy in doing and being with each other. Likewise, there is freedom for each to be separate and pleasure at being connected and sharing a life together.

For more tips and tools on enhancing your relationship please visit: and by relationship expert Kristina von Rosenvinge

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