Dating & different religions?

By Margot Carmichael Lester

In Amos 3:3, it’s asked “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” We asked a few faithful folks to answer this question for daters who ascribe to different doctrine. Our commenters are:

• Rabbi Lev Baesh, director, Resource Center for Jewish Clergy, www.InterfaithFamily.com
• Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, an interfaith minister
• Alana Klein, director of communications and publications, Marymount Manhattan College; she and her fiancé are of different faiths
• Stephen Miller, Christian expert/writer, ONE: The Digital Dialog
• Pastor Bob Moeller, host, For Better, For Worse, For Keeps
• Dorette Saunders, senior editor, education unit, Nida Institute for Biblical Scholarship at the American Bible Society

And here’s what they said:

Q: When we start dating someone of a different faith, what’s the first thing a person should do?

Sanders: Open up and educate each other as to your faith practices. Does an Episcopalian really know what a Mormon believes? Does a Jew understand Catholic teachings? Can an unbeliever uphold the values of a Christian? In order to coexist harmoniously, couples may either agree not to bring up religion or agree to respectfully disagree. The problem with the latter is that such a response will eventually put a strain on their relationship as it becomes more solidified. Or in other cases, one party compromises to the point where his or her “faith” no longer looks the same. It is for this reason that the Bible, in its wisdom, knowing the stresses of everyday life, cautions that we should not be yoked unequally.

Miller: Listen to each other with an open mind. There are wise teachings and doggone dumb teachings in every major religion. As you talk, it’s OK to disagree. You can count on disagreeing. A lot. But there’s no need to be judgmental. That’s God’s job, not ours.

Q. What if we’re afraid that dating someone outside our faith will diminish it?

Brockway: My philosophy is that love between two people adds a dimension of holiness to our world that cannot be categorized by religion or culture, and that a temple can be created wherever there is love. I believe in soul mates, and I feel that the couples who are meant to be together have the ability to see each other through the eyes of the soul. That allows many feelings about differences to melt away. Or at least allows them to walk together without having to agree on all things spiritual.

Q: And what if friends and family object? How can a couple handle that?

Baesh: “When trapped, be gracious.” I just learned this from a rabbinic colleague. The best way to show that your faith is of value in the world and that you support your partner’s faith is to be the person your faith calls you to be. People will always judge and evaluate from their personal place and sometimes from fear. Often people who object are worried about other things. Listen and ask deeper questions, or sit back and let them vent—and love them. Continue your relationship by answering questions they have and asking questions you have. Invite them to join you in celebrations. It’s the best way to see it’s not as scary as they imagined it to be.

Klein: Have faith in each other. Religion didn’t bring the couple together; other forces did. During difficult times it’s important to remember that special connection you and your partner have, what brought you two together, and why you love each other.

Q. And what if two people find that they just can’t walk together?

Moeller: Say something like this: “I have truly benefited from getting know you. However, because my spiritual beliefs are such a meaningful part of my core identity, as I trust they are to you, and because we differ substantially on those beliefs, I don’t think we should pursue this dating relationship any further. It is because of this mutual genuine respect for each other that we should give each other the freedom to pursue someone who more closely shares our core beliefs. Thank you for the opportunity to meet you and be enriched by your life. But we have different destinations in mind, and we need to give each other the space to pursue those spiritual goals with all that we are.”

Baesh: [Early on,] know where faith fits in your life and rate it on its relative importance to other aspects of life, so that when entering the dating world you know where you are coming from. Learn about other faith traditions when you find they are important to the other person. But if it’s a deal-breaker, don’t head down a path that will bring about regret when the relationship will have to be severed after years of trying to make it work.

Freelance writer Margot Carmichael Lester also writes the Ask Margot advice column. Send your faith-based dating queries to her at AskMargot@match.com.

[via MSN]

The One Benefit Of A Long Distance Relationship

By Jeff Lim

Did I mention that there is one benefit to having a long distance relationship? It puts money into the pockets of big airline corporations such as Virgin Atlantic, gas stations like Chevron and big phone companies like Verizon. They thank you very much for your business. Unfortunately for couples, there are no benefits for being in a long distance relationship. There is as enormous complexity of factors involved that make it difficult.

Let me tell you about the story of John and Jane. John lives in Los Angeles and Jane lives in New York. They both met at a party when Jane was in town on a business trip. The first problem that the two have is which one is the person that is going to be moving? Is either person willing to sacrifice their job or career for perhaps a lower pay or standard of living? What about leaving friends and family behind? If Jane is not moving to LA and John is not moving to New York, then why are they talking at all?

The second problem is that long distance relationships give a false sense of hope to one another. It may appear to raise each other's interest level, but in reality, it doesn't. It is the anticipation of meeting again that causes the interest to rise, creating a false sense of love. Any time your partner calls, you jump at the chance to talk. You never put her on hold or tell her that you're too busy with something else right now. Everything in your life gets put on hold to give her all of your attention.

The third problem that you have is that you can't bond if you're not around. There is a saying that "actions speak louder than words." You develop trust and comfort with that person when you are spending time together doing things. It allows you to see their personality, how the person reacts and how the person treats you. You can only judge a person's interest through their actions and body language which you obviously can't see in a LDR. Romance and love is by and large non-verbal, from the way you look at each other to the simple hugs given at the right moment when you need them. So what is the point of seeing each other every 3 or 6 months?

Problem number four is trying to make up for the distance by talking on the phone way too much. How does talking four or five times on a daily basis allow a relationship to build? Would you believe someone that is thousands of miles away who kept saying "I love you"! It's all talk and a phone call is definitely a poor substitute for a hug.

How about the 50 emails you send her everyday or the hours you spend instant messaging? What good does that do to building the relationship? But at the end, what do you really find out about that person? Did you go to their house? Did you see how she treats their parents or siblings? Maybe you did go to their place for a weekend. But yeah, you could have gone on a good day where she didn't treat her parents the way she usually does. Since you never see each other in normal day to day life, you lack the true knowledge of the other person and that is where the big problem lies.

The fifth problem is that it is a waste of money. Depending on where you are flying to and from, you can be spending thousands of dollars per year to see each other (and the false hope also).
You may be going over your minutes and end up racking up $400 dollars per month phone bills.
What about buying phone cards for international calls on a monthly basis? You may end up spending hundreds of dollars per year purchasing them. All this wasted money can be spent on building a relationship with someone who is close by.

Finally, It is a waste of time waiting for someone that is thousands of miles away. The fact is that no relationship, near of far, is 100% guaranteed. But the mere attempt at a long distance relationship increases the odds close to 100% that it is NOT going to work.

So what makes you think that your long distance love is going to be a hermit once he/she has committed to you? Most likely they won't be. They still have to go to work, go shopping, stop by the bank and go to the gym. Thus, they will be meeting others too, increasing the likelihood that they will meet someone that is better than you. If you are not there, then they have to fill that void with someone else. It's just the basic human need to be with others.

For John and Jane, their expectations of each other are skyrocketing even though they haven't seen each other in months. However, when they do get together as an exclusive couple, they would just end up at the start because they are really strangers to each other. The phone company AT&T almost had it right. Reach out but this time, don't touch someone.

Jeff is passionate about personal development topics and helping others find their true calling. More articles can be found at http://handylifeadvice.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jeff_Lim

How To Develop A Healthy Romantic Relationship

By Francis K Githinji

Every couple would want to have a healthy and loving relationship. A healthy and a romantic relationship is very rare in many homes. With the current Economic hardships and social treads, the institution of marriage is becoming hard to engage in. The number of domestic quarrels and uncertainties in marriages is worrying. Marriage breakages have become the norm rather than the exception. One wonders whether the assertions by the holy books about the institution of marriage being holly and sacred still holds.

Families need to take some essential steps to aid in the development and the growth of their children. A marriage institution it is the only place that children can grow well and become responsible citizens. Couples in a relationship need to spend more time thinking and working on what binds them together than what separates them. There has to be a joint effort between the parties involved. Take your partner as one of your valuable organs and handle him or her just exactly the way you would handle any part of your body that might be suffering.

Be honest and true to your partner for the sake of a healthy and romantic relationship. Always put yourself in your partner's position and ask yourself what your partner would do in the same position. Truth, love and honesty must be practiced at all cost if a healthy and a romantic relationship is to be realized. Be open to one another and learn to forgive your partner in case you are wronged. Accepting a mistake is not a sign of weakness, in fact it is a show of how strong your relationship is. It shows a very high degree of maturity and a sense of responsibility.
Couples should learn to take mistakes positively and remember that they are human beings after all and error is to human.

Learn to control your emotions and wild mood swings, these would seam weak, but you will always get what you want in a relationship when you exercise self control. Accept the fact that your partner is there to stay. Your partner is part and parcel of your life. Couples who stick together for long are always able to compliment their weaknesses with their strengths. Your partner should be part of you, like any other organ of your body and there is no doubt you will achieve a healthy and a romantic relationship once you realize this. You will always feel incomplete when your partner is not with you. A feeling of emptiness will be felt in your heart if you have not met for a long time. Learn to have fun with one another, an evening walk with your partner in the woods would not be a bad idea. The more you are together, you will realize how wonderful and special your partner is. There is no easier way to a healthy and a romantic life, both of you must work hard towards realizing that goal. Romantic relationships can be wonderful and will always bring out the best of the two partners if handled with care.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest Project HEALTHY AND ROMANTIC A RELATIONSHIP Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At HEALTHY AND A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Francis_K_Githinji

After School Activities And Relationship Building

By Mike Handy

After school activities are the rage of the day. With about $500 million invested in these programs and more than 10 million children attending them in America alone, the popularity of these activities cannot be overlooked. Everyone understands the need to develop new skills, gain more knowledge and keep the children safe when parents are working.

The most important factor in the success of any program is the relationship between the children participating in the program and the adult members who work with these children.
Often, children may confide in an adult member who is not a teacher. This kind of emotional interaction is a must when children are struggling to make sense of the whirlpool of emotions that assail them.

Direct contact with professionals can be an inspiring experience. Children are very much impressed by the knowledge and experience of these adults. Young people gain a lot of knowledge and experience when they deal with experienced adults and older youth who serve as teachers or mentors in these programs. These mentors are different from the teachers in the school and children are more likely to draw inspiration from them.

After school activities that are managed professionally by people who are successful in their own fields of expertise will produce children who are more enthusiastic and successful. Meaningful interaction with adults is a learning experience in itself.

So, learning experience is very important to product the best student and the best children as next generation. This is need participation between children, parent and society to build best relationship among other. Without this, I sure will not build after school program in the environment.

Mike Handy is meditation practitioner almost 18 Years in South East Asia. He has 8 seven type of Dragon Meditation for selected people. Now, he want everybody can enjoy this meditation via his website: http://www.mydragontattoo.com Ignore word tattoo in his website. The content is more important.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mike_Handy

6 Signs She Might Be Cheating

...or perhaps thinking about it
By: Brooke McIntyre in Men's Health

1 - She's accusing you
"Often, when a woman accuses her mate of having romantic feelings or involvement with others, she's projecting her own feelings onto him," says Susan Heitler, Ph.D. If your girlfriend lacks trust in you, she may not trust herself.

2 - She wants more
If she's telling you she needs something else from the relationship, whether the request is for more intimacy or a stronger emotional connection, listen. "A woman really lets you know what she's thinking about," says Al Cooper, Ph.D., director of the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre. "If she tells you she's feeling unappreciated or unimportant, or wants more intimacy, it can be the last-ditch effort before she embarks on an affair."

3 - She's online
If you're hearing "You've got mail" more than "I love you," she may be spending time searching the Web for someone to talk to. "Even if she doesn't want to cheat, the Internet is particularly seductive for women," says Cooper. "It makes men have to talk, and women want a communicator."

4 - She's looking hotter than ever
If she's started something on the side, sudden changes in behavior or appearance (for the better) are common.

5 - She's sappier than ever
"If she's watching romantic movies and reading romantic books, the feeling she's getting from them is feeding something inside of her," says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a relationship expert who's online at perfectmatch.com. If your mate's not expressing these emotions in your direction, she might be looking for a new leading man.

6 - She's more attentive to you
A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that when a man's girlfriend is cheating, she'll start to make obvious attempts to increase his satisfaction in the relationship, as well as say derogatory things about her paramour. It's a misdirection ploy to lessen your suspicions.

Can a Gift Save Your Broken Relationship? This One Can!

By Beth Banning

Yes that's right, we're talking about a gift that can start improve your relationship immediately. What if we told you that this gift had the power to really affect how you relate to another person? Guess what? There really is such a gift -- the gift of presence! Now, we're not talking about "presents," the kind you give for Christmas or birthdays; the presence that we mean is your personal presence-your full attention with an agenda-free willingness to listen to what the other person has to say. Presence is a gift we could all use on a regular basis.

"If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening." - Marge Piercy

~How to Present Your Presence~
Before you can truly give someone your presence, you need to take yourself out of the equation. Giving the gift of presence means that you're there for the other person 100%, without thinking about how their words or actions affect you. In other words, when they start to talk about their perception of the situation, you can't take things personally. It helps to remember that everything everyone does or says is in support of something they value. If you choose to give the gift of your presence and in the middle of it you start feeling upset, try to imagine yourself in the other person's shoes and ask yourself the question, "What could I be valuing that would have me say or do this?"

As an example, let's say you ask your relationship partner to tell you what they would like to have in their relationship with you. You ask, "What kinds of things are important to you?" In response, you might hear something like, "You need to stop acting like such a know-it-all."

At this point STOP -- remember that what they just said is NOT about you and don't take it personally.

Believe it or not, your partner just gave you a precious gift wrapped up inside the message, "I want you to stop being such a know-it-all." This message is the key to unlocking a value that is incredibly important to them.

Now you can ask yourself, "I wonder what they value that's missing for them in our relationship?" Doing so allows you to be present to the meaning that is underneath their words. This allows you the opportunity to try and understand what value might prompt them to say such a thing. For example, you might guess that they value acknowledgment and want some appreciation for all the things they know, or maybe they just want the opportunity to contribute more to the relationship. It's even possible that all they really want is a deeper sense of connection with you. Of course, you won't know if your guess is accurate without checking with them first, so take this opportunity to ask them!

If nothing you suggest strikes a chord for your partner, ask them for help in understanding the value beneath the message. The worst thing that could happen is for them to respond with another judgment or criticism, which will give you another opportunity to identify what it is that they really want. If you guess accurately the first time, continue exploring the things that are most important to them.

"The beginning of wisdom is silence. The second step is listening." ~Anonymous

You've probably heard the old Navaho Indian saying: "The best way to get to know a person is to walk a mile in their moccasins." As a general rule, people tend to walk about 2 1/2 miles per hour, so it takes around 24 minutes to walk a mile. Try giving your partner your undivided presence for a half an hour.

During this time spend ZERO minutes defending yourself, being right, educating them, giving them advice, or anything else other than focusing all your attention on the things that they value -- the things that are important to them. Once you can identify the values that drive their actions, you'll find it much easier to understand the reasons behind their words.

The best thing about this special gift is that it doesn't cost a thing and you have a limitless supply. Start giving the gift of presence and see how much you get in return.

Are you ready to give the gift of presence? If you'd like to uncover more techniques that support healthy relationships through self-growth coaching, sign up for our free thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com/cmd.php?ad=317928.

Each tip offers practical advice for creating success in your relationships and in your life.
Or visit us at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com

Disabled Dating - How To Take Your Relationship Offline!

By Andrea Marie

For disabled people dating who are excited about all the choices they have via online dating sites, there is the inevitable question: when should they meet their interest in person? And where? When you meet someone in a virtual world, how long should you get to know them in that environment and when is it safe to bring the relationship out into the open?

First of all, personals are a great place to start, but they don't say all that much. It takes a long time to get to know someone! The last thing you want to do is exchange a few emails with another disabled single, only to then immediately plan a first date that plunders after the first “hello.” For all you know, your date could turn out to be incredibly insensitive about your physical handicap or simply may not be your type.

Especially for the dating and disabled, it's a good idea to use the Internet to try to find out if someone might be a good match for you before you decide to take it to the next level. After you've shared a few photos and tossed back and forth about a dozen e-mails, then it might be a good idea to meet in person. But don't feel rushed – only if you feel comfortable and excited about meeting them offline, should you do so.

Don't get too caught up in the online world. If you find yourself getting complacent and finding it more appealing to keep your potential mate at an arm's length and at the same time, building them up to be someone they aren't, then this is not healthy or productive.

There are added safety concerns whenever disabled single meet online. How do you know if the other person has your best intentions at heart? This is why you must always plan for your first date to be in a public place at a time when a lot of people will be there. You also must let at least one other person know where you will be and for how long, so that they can check up on you.

Finally, relax and be yourself and don't worry about what your date is thinking about regarding your disability. Thanks to the disabled dating service, you have hopefully put that issue aside for more important things, like you and your date getting to know each other on a personal level!

I am a freelance writer and journalist published many online dating articles related to dating and disabled, personals, dating advice, romance and relationships.

Perfect Signs That Your Relationship Is Going Down- 5 Proven Ways To Find Out

By Pushpa Pal Singh

Something when you feel everything is on track and going fine it's completely the opposite. Most people do not even realize that their relationship is going down the drain till the time they see divorce papers from their spouse. It comes as a shock to most people as they find it hard to figure out where they went wrong. Therefore it is very essential to make sure where you are going wrong and improvise on it before it's too late.

When you forget anniversaries- This is the most common determinant that your relationship is probably rocky and might lead to an eventual breakup. Anniversaries are very special days and are not supposed to be forgotten. If you do forget such dates than it's more than obvious that your relationship is not as important to you as it used to be.

TV becomes more important- If all of a sudden you are more concerned about the TV shows than your spouse and only bother talking to him/her in commercial breaks than your relationship is on thin ice for sure.

You see each other on the weekends- Well this is not a perfect determinant of a relationship going down the drain but does indicate that it's not strong either. Happy couples always find the time to spend time with each other no matter how busy they are. They always take some time off their heavy schedule and tend to spend it with their spouse.

Holding hands in public- If holding hands in public embarrass you than you are definitely on the verge of a breakup. Most successful couples are not affected by showing love or affection in public.

When you don't know where your partner is- This is the best determinant of the condition of your present relationship. If your relationship is weak you would not know at what time your spouse normally arrive home. Not only this some cases are such that most people do not even know whether their partners are out of town when they are supposed to know. Such couples only tend to have virtual meetings especially on emails or a short conversation on the phone.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman’s mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say. They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Perfect Signs That Your Relationship Is Going Down- 5 Proven Ways To Find Out

By Pushpa Pal Singh

Something when you feel everything is on track and going fine it's completely the opposite. Most people do not even realize that their relationship is going down the drain till the time they see divorce papers from their spouse. It comes as a shock to most people as they find it hard to figure out where they went wrong. Therefore it is very essential to make sure where you are going wrong and improvise on it before it's too late.

When you forget anniversaries- This is the most common determinant that your relationship is probably rocky and might lead to an eventual breakup. Anniversaries are very special days and are not supposed to be forgotten. If you do forget such dates than it's more than obvious that your relationship is not as important to you as it used to be.

TV becomes more important- If all of a sudden you are more concerned about the TV shows than your spouse and only bother talking to him/her in commercial breaks than your relationship is on thin ice for sure.

You see each other on the weekends- Well this is not a perfect determinant of a relationship going down the drain but does indicate that it's not strong either. Happy couples always find the time to spend time with each other no matter how busy they are. They always take some time off their heavy schedule and tend to spend it with their spouse.

Holding hands in public- If holding hands in public embarrass you than you are definitely on the verge of a breakup. Most successful couples are not affected by showing love or affection in public.

When you don't know where your partner is- This is the best determinant of the condition of your present relationship. If your relationship is weak you would not know at what time your spouse normally arrive home. Not only this some cases are such that most people do not even know whether their partners are out of town when they are supposed to know. Such couples only tend to have virtual meetings especially on emails or a short conversation on the phone.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman’s mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say. They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Motivate Your Relationship - 5 Easy Steps To Make A Relationship Better

By Seran Wilkie

You are at a place where you want something more from your relationship. You feel disconnected or almost repelled by the one you chose to be with. You wonder how you got into this place and how to get out of it. You feel trapped and frustrated because you don't know where to start or what to change. You wish that you hadn't said what you said the other day.
You wish that you didn't have certain thoughts. You wish that you didn't feel so guilty. You wonder if this is all your life will be. You wonder if there is someone else out there that might meet your high expectations. You wonder if you are being realistic. You are exhausted during the day from dealing with it and thinking about it. You find it hard to focus at work. You feel like you are wasting your time in this relationship and missing out on something better.

Give it a reason.
In order to motivate your relationship, you'll want to give it a reason to move forward and get better. If you want a more meaningful relationship, ask yourself why? It might seem like a ridiculous question with an obvious answer, but really think about it. Is it because you want to feel good? Or is it because you want to enjoy your life? Is it because you have already invested so much time into it already? Is it because you don't want to start over again? Do you think that it is has ruined every other aspect of your life? Do you believe that with a more meaningful relationship you'll have a more meaningful life? After you have identified the reason, you'll want to give it some value.

Give it some value.
Are you worth it? Do you have good qualities? Do you like yourself? If you don't think you are worth anything, then why should the relationship bother to get any better. If you have become stagnant in your life, your relationship will follow suit. Are you relying on your relationship to qualify your life? If you can answer yes to any of these questions then you'll want to take a deep look inside and determine who you are before going to the next step.

Laurie had been concerned with her marriage and felt it spiraling downward. Early on, she felt good about what they had, but then gradually it just came down to a stale, boring relationship. She wasn't interested in him and he didn't show any interest in her. She was starting to doubt herself and the choices she made. After a few weeks of working with her, she realized why she wanted to make things better and how much she deserved it. Then she took control of the situation and things started to get better.

Have a vision.
When you try to encourage a friend to get into shape you tell her that she'll look great in those tight jeans again. You tell her that she'll feel great and energized from working out. You try to get her to imagine how she'll feel in the outcome. Try this approach with your relationship. Identify how good the relationship can be. You'll be able to enjoy time with your mate. You'll want to spend time with your mate. You'll laugh and giggle together. You'll have fun doing new things. You'll understand each other and accept each other's differences. You'll find the attraction and romance again. If you can't imagine how your relationship could be, then you might have not truly addressed the first two steps correctly.

Now, lead by example.
It's amazing how people will follow and admire someone that shows confidence and feels good about herself. If someone shows high self-esteem, and love for herself, it isn't hard for others to want to follow her around. Think of some of the people that you are attracted to and admire.
Don't they fit that description? You don't find yourself admiring someone that complains or shows little self-respect. This is the same way your mate reacts to you. Why would he/she want to improve something if it's not worth improving. So feel good and do things for yourself. Once again, if you can't feel this way, you may need to go back and identify how much you are worth. It's not an easy task and most often requires someone to guide you along.

Sit back and watch.
You'll be amazed at how things will mysteriously change without you trying to make them change. By focusing on yourself, your relationship will have no choice but to move along with you. For review, here are the steps you took:

• You have given your relationship a reason to move forward
• You have provided value as an incentive
• You have provided a vision so your relationship knows where to go
• You have become a leader that your mate can follow

You have just taken control of your life and your relationship. Enjoy it.

Seran Wilkie is an experienced life coach that works with successful individuals that have lost control of some area of their lives. http://www.seranity.com

Why do Women Get Jealous - Is it Affecting Your Relationship?

By Pushpa Pal Singh

Jealousy is one of the negative emotions and can end almost any relationship it basically arises from insecurity within oneself and not trusting your partner. Often it is mainly a result of woman being possessive about her man or partner. It is basically a result of human psychology which reacts according to what has happened in the surrounding environment. But if there is jealousy in a relationship there are also effective measures to deal with it.

Insecurity factor- This is one of the major factor due to which women get jealous of their partners and they to show lesser faith in them. Sometimes even a small disagreement can spark a massive fight just because of jealousy. Insecure feeling about someone gives you an uneasy feeling and you tend to be suspicious about almost everything around you.

Possessiveness- Some women are just simply a bit more possessive than the rest and often tend to get an insecure feeling about their partner and often suspect their spouses just out of curiosity and making it sure that everything is alright.

Lack of communication- Sometimes lack of communication between couples can be a big cause of jealousy. One partner might hide something from the other and that might lead to misunderstanding and jealousy. There is always a thought bugging a woman what if he finds someone else and leaves me for her. Why did he hide these things from me? Is he going out with someone else? Even such thoughts can arouse the feelings of jealousy and insecurity.

Distrust- Often when women tend to have lack of trust in their partners they normally get more jealous. They are always thinking about what if their partner goes out with someone else or is already involved with someone else. Therefore it is very important to trust and have complete faith in your partner to prevent jealous feelings towards him. Learn to let loose a bit and open all lines of communication with your partner and be a good listener for a change. The more you share the better your relationship would be and the more you trust and have faith in your partner you would probably never get jealous again as you know he only loves you and not someone else.

You might not be able to make the person fall in love with you on the first sight but you can definitely make the person be strongly attracted to you if you follow some simple steps. So what type of guys do women truly prefer? Find out some of the "Best kept secrets" on how to become a guy women want- How to become a true Girl Magnet

Successful Relationship tips to stop Defensive Arguments

By Jennine E. Estes, M.A.

Defensive behavior is one of the leading causes of on-going painful conflicts within a relationship, the type which can lead to long term damage. Defensive behavior sends the message to your partner that their experiences and ideas are wrong, and that you are in the right. However, as you may have seen, in these situations, a well meaning defense can quickly turn into a battle where each side is unwilling to give in.

The Communication Battle Attack:History is full of those moments when a true defense was necessary. In romantic medieval times, when a person was attacked, they defended themselves.
They pulled out their armor, a shield and sword, and prepared to do battle. This response was due their desire to protect their own safety. Thinking back to the previous situation, when during an interchange if your partner is in a defensive position, it is generally because they don’t feel safe and possibly feel attacked. This leads them to put on their armor for their own protection, and then pick up their own sword and attack. This situation is what I call a “Communication Battle.” Situations such as these break down the family unit and place the combatants on opposing sides, fighting against each other in a vicious pattern, one that creates little positive communication.

Defensive behaviors can also be a sign of deeper communication issues. Sometimes, no matter how carefully someone addresses an issue with you, you automatically go into defense mode.
This common response is often learned at a young age; when tough situations arise, each of us naturally reacts in a certain way. This reaction becomes a crutch to help us through situations where we need help coping with our own insecurities. However, we often become dependant on our crutches, and choose to keep them around far longer than they are actually needed. If this sounds like you, it will take more of an effort to remove the crutch and change this behavior.

Defensive Behaviors, like many common communication issues often become exacerbated by poor communication skills. In relationships, it is often easier to point out how your partner needs to change than to work as a team to confront the issue together. The most important thing to remember in this situation is that people change when they want to, not when we want them to.

The key to creating change in unhealthy communication patterns is to create a supportive environment, where both partners are working to communicate effectively. This places responsibility on both partners, allowing each to have a stake in the outcome.

Relationships are like a baby mobile, if you tug on one side, everything changes. If you shift your behavior, your partner will automatically have to shift their behavior in response. Make sure you move in the right direction, allowing you partner’s behavior to move in the same way. All this change is often overwhelming, placing us in situations where we once again start to rely on our safe, comfortable, old crutches. However, no movement can happen if we continually rely on our crutches for support. It may be time to remember how to walk on your own again, leaving the crutches behind. Leaving the crutches behind is not easy, but do not fear, it can be done.
Learning to walk unaided again takes a lot of willingness and self exploration, topics which a therapist can assist you with. In my practice, I foster a collaborative exploration in which I ask directing questions; questions which require you to look deep inside, and determine what your crutches are.

Quick Tips to Deal with Defensive Behaviors:

• Keep track of how often you get defensive, use a notebook so an accurate record is kept. What did you say? How was your tone of voice? What was your body language saying? Keeping track helps you become more aware of your own behaviors. Awareness is Key in creating change in life.

• Next time you begin feeling attacked, don’t surrender, withdraw, or attack back. Instead of becoming defensive try to understand where your partner is coming from. Ask meaningful questions about how they feel, and express how you feel.

• Start Individual or couples counseling. You can gain insight and a larger understanding of where this and other negative behaviors come from, why they happen, and how to decrease them.

• Experiment with trying something different. Next time you notice yourself becoming defensive, try doing something different. Notice how your partner reacts. Does he/she react differently? Where they less or more reactive? Look for the smallest change, because changes start small. Remember the mobile, and remember that each change will bring about more changes.

• Of course, no one can be completely rid of their own defensive behaviors; however, we can always decrease our reactivity to create a safe and caring environment for our partner. The safer (emotionally) it is for your partner, the safer your partner will make it for you. They will follow by example.

If you are in San Diego, California and you would like to improve your communication within your relationship, visit http://www.EstesTherapy.com for more information.

Jennine Estes, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Intern IMF#47211 Supervised by Mark Kaupp, MFC#33213

Vibrant Relationships - Growing Your Marriage Into A Lasting Relationship

By Kristina Von Rosenvinge

Growing your marriage into a lasting relationship involves learning to think in terms of WE. A marriage is a two person event. In the beginning the couple experiences a strong physical and emotional attraction to each other. Each is also tuned into the partner and focused on pleasing the other. They are happy and get married.

Gradually the demands of life put stresses on their relationship. They may experience a conflict between their personal happiness and their relationship happiness. It is how the couple makes room for both - personal and relationship satisfaction and contentment that helps their marriage grow into a lasting relationship.

Below are five concepts to keep in mind when thinking about how to nurture the marriage.

1. Love is a decision to do ongoing work to be a caring partner.
Caring about your partner is being cognizant that what you say or do has an impact on the relationship. You have to learn to think on two levels: I and We. Both are equally important.
Simultaneously you have to care about what your spouse needs.

2. Care about how you contribute to the relationship
Ask yourself how you can be a loving partner and then act on that. Accept your partner for who he/she is and be of support to each other.

3. Work through stresses by focusing on preserving and enhancing the relationship.
Life inevitably brings stresses and conflict. By keeping in mind that preserving the relationship matters it becomes easier for each person to handle their differences in a way that does not adversely affect the marriage.

4. Behavior is conditional
Loving someone does not mean that one puts up with behavior that is destructive to the marriage. Each person has to take responsibility to act in a way that does not hurt the relationship. If one spouse has acted in a way that has been hurtful to the other there has to be a willingness to say "I am sorry".

5. Develop a loving friendship
In relationships that last there is a joy in doing and being with each other. Likewise, there is freedom for each to be separate and pleasure at being connected and sharing a life together.

For more tips and tools on enhancing your relationship please visit:
http://www.vibrantrelationships.com and http://www.kristinavonr.com by relationship expert Kristina von Rosenvinge

You Break Relationship Up - You Break Up?

By Trevor Emdon

You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years.
Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.
If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author and workshop leader based in the UK. He was a senior mental health practitioner in Britain’s National Health Service for many years, and now devotes his time to writing and teaching personal development. To sign up for his free Positive Life newsletter, visit http://www.wizardofwisdom.com

The self help program "How To Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" can be found at http://www.in-love-again.com

The Most Often Asked Relationship Question

By Richard Pellegrino

The most often asked relationship question is: How do I find the right one for me?
The short answer is: You are the right one for you! In other words, by knowing and loving yourself you will find and attract the “right” mate. However, contrary to the opinions of some, there are many souls who are “right” for each other and really any two people who are committed to each other can not only maintain a long lasting relationship and marriage but can grow in love and romance. There are many “arranged” marriages around the world which grow into loving relationships—so that is proof that any two souls can make it if they choose to. Of course, it is better if the couple has some interests and goals in common, but really the main quality in successful relationships is persistence or “sticktuitiveness” and the option of separation and divorce has to be eliminated from the vocabulary and consciousness, only to be resurrected in emergency situations of extreme abuse. Romance and having fun together will grow as you work, struggle and grow together; in fact, too much romance or fun in advance of marriage may serve to produce unrealistic expectations and may cloud judgment. As you learn to love your own unique self and qualities you will begin to attract others who are in the same process, and are attracted to your qualities. Make a list of the qualities you are seeking in a mate and then move into the creative process utilizing the Power of Attraction:

• ASK: First of all you have to believe you have the right to ask for the Universe or God to grant you your wishes. Then make a list of the qualities you are seeking in a mate. And visualize your perfect mate.

• Believe that you will be granted your wish, as stated above, that you are noble and deserve the very best.

• Receive your gift before you actually have it; practice “Gratitude” for what you already have; plan your wedding; act as if you are already there!

Then become conscious of who you are attracting into your life and make your selection. Always continue loving and knowing yourself in order to keep attractive, even and especially after years of marriage.

What is your favorite Relationship Question? Send it to us at support@a1-life-skill-coaching.com and we will write an article relating to it.

Our Mastermind Group which focuses on relationships will discuss the above mentioned principles and other relationship issues; register for it in our About the Mastermind Groups section at www.a1-life-skill-coaching.com

52; Fathered and still raising Eight, Multi-Racial Children, in 25 yrs. of marriage to one Spouse.
Professional Fields & Positions include: Counseling & Psychology, Business Management & Development, Sales & Marketing, Education, Accounting, Entrepreneur.

Creative endeavors include: Author and Editor of numerous professional and faith-based articles, newspaper series, training materials, courses, and booklets; Producer and on air personality for faith based self-help radio & TV programs and series; Musician, talent promoter and marketer in entertainment industry; portion of life story was portrayed in a made for TV movie.

Traveled extensively in Europe and Caribbean and lived in Caribbean for six years. Have lived and served in Native American Reservations, Urban and rural ghettos,
More info to be found at http://www.a1-life-skill-coaching.com in "About the Coaches Section".