Choosing the Perfect Engagement Ring

By Anita Marks

Guys, this guide’s for you! So you’ve finally decided to take the plunge and propose to your sweetheart. Now comes the hard part: choosing her engagement ring.

An engagement ring is probably the second-most important purchase you’ll ever make (your house being the most important), so you need to choose wisely. This guide will help you make that choice and will hopefully result in you wooing her with the perfect engagement ring.

One word of caution before we begin: The perfect ring is probably the one she chooses herself. Who has a better idea of what she’s looking for, than her? I know what you’re thinking, it’s not very romantic to give her an “IOU for 1 engagement ring” when you propose, but buying a ring together can be just as romantic as surprising her with one. It’s all in the delivery.

One way to get around this problem is to present her with a stone when you propose. Then once she accepts she can choose the engagement ring setting herself. For more information on choosing the right stone, see our handy guide.

For those of you who’ve decided to do it the old-fashioned way, with a ring on bended knee, the following tips will put you on the right track.

Determine Your Budget: Before you go shopping, figure out how much you can afford to spend. The standard used in the diamond industry is two months salary. Depending on your situation, this may be a reasonable place to start.

Do Some Reconnaissance: Like all good soldiers you’ll need to do some reconnaissance before you go into battle. What color metal does she like? Yellow (gold) or white (silver)? What’s her style of jewelry? Is it modern or classic, flashy or understated? If you’re uncertain, note down the designs of her rings, necklaces, bracelets and earrings. You’ll be able to use these designs to determine her favorite style later.

A creative way to find out what she likes is to go window shopping together. Tell her you’re looking for some earrings for your mom or a new watch and steer her through the engagement ring aisle. But be discreet! You don’t want her to steal your thunder.

Choose the Metal: If she prefers yellow metals, yellow gold is the ideal choice for her. If she prefers silver metals, you have a choice between white gold, platinum or titanium.

If you’ve chosen gold, you’ll need to choose the purity or karat (kt). Gold comes in three purities: 10kt, 14kt and 18kt. 10kt gold contains 41.67% pure gold, 14kt gold contains 58.33% pure gold and 18kt gold contains 75% pure gold. The higher the purity, the more expensive the ring, so you need to factor this into your budget.

Platinum and titanium are 95% pure, so you don’t need to make any choices about the purity of these metals. For more information on the different metals, check out our Guide to Choosing a Metal.

Choose the Stone: A diamond seems to be a no-brainer, but some women these days prefer other gemstones in their engagement rings. Rubies, sapphires, emeralds, tanzanite, tourmaline, and aquamarines can be just as stunning as diamonds and they have the added benefit of costing less. If you're set on diamonds, make sure you check out our Guide on Choosing a Diamond.

Once you’ve decided on the type of gem, you need to select the size, shape and cut. Gems come in all kinds of shapes, including round, oval, square, rectangle, pear, heart, the list goes on.
What’s important here is to choose a size and shape that fits with your sweetheart’s hand.

Longer gem shapes work better on longer, slimmer fingers, but a setting that's very delicate will get lost on larger hands, making the ring look smaller. Round and square shapes work better on shorter fingers. An elongated shape such as an oval or marquise make shorter fingers look sleeker but be careful not to overdo the look.

The kinds of gems your significant other wears now will give you an indication of what looks good on her fingers.

Choose the Setting: After you've chosen your stone, next comes the setting. Since you’ve already decided on the type of metal, you’re almost done! Those notes that you took about her favorite jewelry style will come in handy now. If she likes a “busier” look, you might want to go with an engraved band. If she likes a simpler look, go with a simple band. The length of her fingers will give you an idea of how thick the band should be, the longer the finger the thicker the band, usually.

The setting of the gem is the final choice. There are three main settings: the solitaire, which features the single gem set on the band with a number of prongs (the less prongs, the less cluttered the look); a solitaire with sidestones built into the band; or the three-stone setting, which features the main gem surrounded by another gem on either side. The choice of setting is down to the type of style you think she's going to like and how much you're willing to pay.

Determine her Ring Size: There are a few ways to find out her ring size. Does she ever wear a ring on that finger? While she’s not wearing it you could take it to a jeweler to size it, or if you don’t have much time you can trace the inside of it on paper and take that to a jeweler for sizing.
Is she a heavy sleeper? Wrap a piece of paper or string around her finger and measure that.
Once you've got the length you can check out our sizing chart to determine the ring size.

Get a Second Opinion: Once you’ve decided on the perfect ring, seek a second opinion from a trusted source. It could be your sweetheart’s mom, sister or friend - just make sure they can be trusted with your big secret. Getting advice from your future mom-in-law is a great way to bond and you’ll be getting premium insider information too!

Buy from a Quality Jeweler: Make sure you purchase from a reputable jeweler who offers a solid return policy. Make some calls, read their customer feedback, ask them a lot of questions. By going with "mom and pop" jewelers and avoiding the big chains you’ll get better service and quality, since many of the big retailers sacrifice quality for quantity.

Plan Ahead: Selecting the ring, ordering it and having it delivered will take time. Saving up to pay for it will take time too. And if you want to have it engraved, you’ll also need to factor that in. Get started early so that you’ll have plenty of time to do it right.

About The Author: Anita Marks from is a writer based in Washington state. She has written numerous articles about topics like online shopping, platinum wedding rings and platinum jewelry.