3 Steps To Your Best Attitude

By Rich Vosler

Two summers ago my then 8-year-old daughter Sarah was away at camp and was bit by a deer tick. As a result she contracted Lyme Disease. She also experienced severe paralysis on the left side of her face as a side effect, commonly known as Bells Palsy. The condition usually remedies itself but Sarah's took a very long time. Even now, 18 months later, she still has some paralysis and our neurologist is not sure if it will ever be completely healed. Her Lyme Disease was treated successfully with antibiotics.

Several weeks after she got the Palsy and her Lyme Disease treatments were completed, her and I were talking and having fun. We were poking fun at each other and having a really good time. She would laugh and smile her half smile at me and it touched my heart. I said to her, "Just think Sarah, in a few months your smile will be back to normal!" She looked at me confused, and said, "Oh, you mean I'm not going to be like this forever?" I was floored. I couldn't believe that she had accepted that she was never going to get her full smile back but she was content and happy and had a great attitude regardless. I firmly believe that children are given to us as OUR teachers even though we mostly think that we are their teachers.

Sarah gave me the gift of attitude that day. I know how important attitude is but this incident gave me insight on a whole different level. Here are some things you can do right now to get the kind of attitude that will propel you toward your goals:

--Learn To Be Thankful For What You Already Have
One of the best ways to be thankful for what you already have is to start keeping a Gratitude Journal. This is a simple notebook or journal where you spend time daily or several times a week writing down what you're thankful for. If you've never tried it, give it a shot. You'll be shocked at what you are really thankful for. You'll find that little things will bring the most gratitude - a hug, smile or facial expression from one of your children. Or your dog's wonderful attitude (that's a whole separate article!). Or the way your spouse leans their head on your shoulder as you sit together. A journal like this allows you to really appreciate the little things that, in our busyness, we overlook. Resolve that going forward you're not going to let these gems of time slip away unnoticed. Resolve now to spend time remembering them, appreciating them and giving thanks for them. When you know what's important to you and you're thankful for them, you become happier.

--Stop Wasting Idle Time Doing Unimportant Things
This one is a favorite of mine, one that I still struggle with. For some reason, we use this one to avoid what we know we should be doing. And let me clarify what we should be doing. In his excellent book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" Dr. Stephen Covey talks about urgent vs. important things. Urgent things are usually things that are important to others but they need our involvement to complete them and they expect us to make them urgent too. You should never let other people's priorities become your emergencies. You have important things to be done as well. Things like goal setting, dream building and relationships. When we let unimportant urgencies dominate our time we never have time for the important things that really make the difference in our quality of life. Doing the important things in life create in us a great attitude because we know that we're doing what we should be.

--Start Worrying Less And Enjoying Life More
In his "Little Red Book of Selling" Jeffrey Gitomer says, "Resign your position as general manger of the universe. The less time you spend in other people's business, other people's problems, and other people's drama, the more time you'll have for your own success." How true is that?
Especially as salespeople we think we have to fix everything from manufacturing and processing problems to our customer's personal problems. Forget that and start working on yourself. That's the only thing you can affect. This gives you more time to enjoy your life and what you've already accomplished. If you have children, nothing in life will even come close to the love and gratification you get from watching and being with them. We spend all this time chasing other things looking for that certain "something" that's going to make all the difference. If you have children, you already have it. You just haven't realized it or spend enough time with them to realize it. When you continually work on yourself, you improve your attitude because you're making progress in your life.

These are just a sampling of the things that you can do to improve your attitude but I think they are foundational. Getting back in touch with what's important to us aligns us with what's right with the world. I love this quote from author Jack Anthony, "I have never been a millionaire. But I have enjoyed a crackling fire, a glorious sunset, a walk with a friend and a hug from a child. There are plenty of life's tiny delights for all of us." When you're focused on what's important, your life can only improve. I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you!

Rich Vosler is a Sales Success Coach who coaches clients in groups or individually. He was a mortgage professional for 18 years in New York, New Jersey and Georgia. He is also a speaker and author. Rich can be reached at 609-790-8757 or by email at rvosler@verizon.net His website, Sales Training & Motivation, is at http://www.RichVosler.com and is full of sales success tips as well as his brand new blog. He is also running a special on his brand new DVD, Secrets of Sales Power sold there. Call today!

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Self Esteem Or Selfish Steam?

By Michelle Rigg

Self-esteem. Entitlement. We hear these terms batted about a lot these days. Especially when it comes to our kids. Everyone from parents to teachers to elected officials is terrified of rupturing our children's delicate sense of self. And what has been the result?

We seem to have created a generation of children who:

• Are poor at accepting constructive criticism
• Don't believe they need to change and grow
• Have difficulty with the word "no"
• Have an inflated, unrealistic sense of their own talents
• Feel entitled to frequent rewards and recognition
• Have little sense of what it means to make an authentic contribution
• Have little desire to push themselves beyond their comfort zones
• Are very defensive and feel "I'm fine just the way I am"

Let's be clear about one thing: self-esteem - an unshakable sense of our own basic worth - is a critically important ingredient for healthy development. But what went awry? Why is that with all of our efforts to raise children with high self-esteem, we seem to have done exactly the opposite? How is it that we have created, instead, a generation of children (often referred to as "Generation Y") who live in protected, delusional bubbles? Why is there so much talk about an "entitlement epidemic"?

It's all about Pain
The problem stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of pain - OUR misunderstanding, not our kids'.

Many (most?) of us were raised with shame. When we did something "wrong" or failed to meet expectations, we were devalued. We may even have been insulted outright, called names. We were given the message that there was something wrong or unworthy about us. As a result we became emotionally wounded. We don't want to do the same thing to our kids. So we overcompensate by shielding them from pain.

But, in fact, pain and shame are two different things. It's WE who have been unable to disentangle them.

When we hear the word "no," when we see a "C-" instead of an "A+," when we look at a losing score in a ball game, we equate it with shame because of the way we were raised. And so, in an effort to spare our children from being wounded, we try to shield them from pain. But pain is not what we should be worried about; only shame.

Because we don't get that distinction, we shield our kids from reality. We shield them from truth. We would rather lie to our kids than allow them to experience their own wonderful, invaluable and instructive pain!

What are some ways we shield our kids?

• By telling them their work is "amazing," even if it shows little effort or mastery
• By eliminating most forms of grading or performance measurement
• By giving prizes and awards to every child in order to spare anyone from being branded a "loser"
• By removing evaluative language from the classroom, dance floor and ball field
• By failing to correct flaws in our children's performance in sports, the arts, or recreational skills
• By faulting the teacher if our child receives less than perfect evaluations
• By giving "everyone a chance" to play or perform even if they have not earned it

And on and on...

Here is a funny poem about the subject

Selfish Steam (by Andy Wolfendon)
I don't know what it is for sure, this thing called Selfish Steam,I do know that protecting it is the latest grown-up scheme.

"You mustn't tell the boy he failed his weekly spelling test.You mustn't break the news, his pitching's not the nation's best.You mustn't tell the girl she's not the champ, you'll squash her dream.In fact, don't tell kids anything - you'll crush their Selfish Steam."

"No, when we hold a contest we'll give EVERY kid a prize,We'll hand some handsome trophies out to EVERYONE who tries,And when they run a race we'll say that EVERYONE's the winner,Then EVERYONE can be the best, from expert to beginner.And when kids draw a picture, we'll declare it ULTRA-GREAT!Whether it's the Mona Lisa or a figure eight."

But if I get a trophy even when I haven't scored,And every effort, good or bad, receives the same reward,Why should I try? Why do my best? And here's what I can't see - If EVERYBODY's special, what's so special about ME?

When I grow up, is there a crop of which I'll be the cream?I probably won't know much, but I'll have tons of Selfish Steam!

Pain is our FRIEND
The truth is that by shielding our kids from discomfort, embarrassment, criticism, judgment, disappointment - from pain, in all its guises - we deprive them of a crucial opportunity to grow!

Pain is one of life's greatest teachers. Pain is an ally, not an enemy. Pain is a signal that we have come up against a limitation that needs to be transcended. Without that signal making us uncomfortable, we don't transcend. We don't rise. We don't become better than we were yesterday. We stay stuck.

Today's parenting model is all about allowing children to stay stuck and feel good about it, rather than to grow.

Humans do not grow by avoiding pain, but by taking it on, pushing past it, rising above it. As parents, we need to get that. We need to embrace it.

Two Simple Solutions
If parents want to end the false self-esteem/entitlement epidemic, the solution is simple:

1. They must get complete with their OWN pasts. Parents need to heal their own wounds, rather than run away from them. They need to stop living through their children and become whole and complete unto themselves. Only by doing this will they stop pampering their children (who really don't need pampering at all).

2. They must teach their children to be lovers of TRUTH. Parents must encourage their kids to love the truth, even when it stings. The truth is, not everyone can be a major league pitcher, a famous recording artist, or a movie star. Only by letting kids experience the hurt of discovering what they're NOT good at will they discover what they ARE good at (their true and precious design).

Parents have a crucial choice: they can either avoid discomfort and enable their kids to avoid it, OR they can tackle it with gusto, viewing it as a teacher, a gift, a motivator.

It's NOT a question of love

Parents today are not inadequate, nor do we lack in love for our kids. We do love our kids and we are doing our very best, given the way we were raised. It's a matter of results: the results we're getting are not good. We need to correct our approach. We're harming our kids by depriving them of experiencing discomfort and truth, life's greatest teachers.

Pain can be faced with tact, grace and wisdom, in a way that does not insult, devalue or negate anyone. And that's what we, as parents, must start doing!

Copyright 2007 - Michelle Rigg

Personal power expert Michelle Rigg is the author of You Must Be OUT of YOUR MIND: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating More Power in Your Life. Her clients usually see remarkable improvements in income, relationships, communication, focus, and clarity after completing just one workshop or telephone laser session. For a FREE 5-step course that will supercharge your personal power, visit http://www.createpersonalpower.com.

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Healthy Selfish Is Good For Our Personal Budgets

By Alice March

Healthy selfishness is a good thing. The word selfish has gotten a bad rap in our culture. The dictionary says selfish is "concerned chiefly with oneself or excessive regard for one's personal advantage or interest." Stop to think what this really means and then ask yourself, "if we don't take care of ourselves, who will?" Giving ourselves healthy attention means that we have personal living codes that include getting proper nutrition, rest, exercise and whatever we need to be productive, creative and financially stable.

I think too many of us have relinquished our selves in our financial life; we let others look out for our financial interests, by either denying our responsibility or just letting someone else do it for us. As we begin to realize that our financial shape is really a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, we have to be more than conscious and selfish about choosing a team to give us direction and support. Most of us did not have role models who showed us how to invest in ourselves and in our future. This sort of thinking didn't exist. I do remember that my mother suggested to my father, when I was in high school, that they put me on a clothes allowance. My father said that he didn't see the need for that. I wish he had. I probably would have gone through many trials and errors earlier and become more fiscally aware and more skilled at budgeting expenses.

Healthy people find mentors who are fiscally well and successful. Put a team in place, a team to help you with the present and the future of your finances. Feeling vulnerable, admitting you need help, is actually a very powerful place, for it's a place of learning and acceptance. Ask yourself if you're getting the kind of attention that makes you feel safe, visible, supported. Or do you get the kind of attention that makes you feel dismissed, ignored, unequal?

Healthy living means reducing the stress in your life. One way to do this is to think carefully about the financial questions you ask and be sure you understand the answers you get. When you're selfish enough to give yourself the kind of attention that brings you the best of support, encouragement and knowledge, you'll decrease your stress level, sleep better at night and enjoy the end of your months more!!!

Alice Aspen March, Expert on Impact of Attention, TheAttentionFactor(R).
aa.march@verizon.net Speaker, Published Author, Workshop Leader, Exec. Dir. of Non-Profit, FACT: impact of TV on Children and Families; kept Fred Rogers Neighborhood on the air as Chair of KCET Community Advisory Board, Co-Produced Emmy-nominated, Latch-Key Kids, narrated by Christopher Reeve; appointed by Calif. State Senate to two State Commissions.

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Top 4 Tips to Finding Your Unclaimed Money

By Nicole Anderson

There are BILLIONS of dollars in Unclaimed Money in the Country. Unfortunately, that money is recording in 60+ databases in the country. So how do you find your money? Then what do you do when you find it? This article will tell you!

Find Your Unclaimed Money

When searching for your unclaimed money there are a few things you should know to ensure you FIND ALL the MONEY owed to you:

Most unclaimed money searched are conducted by entering your name and searching to see if there is money reported as unclaimed money under your name. Search by your legal name AND variations of your legal name. Bradford Jones may be listed as Brad Jones or B. Jones. When you search a good database they will do this for you automatically.

Don't Look Only in Your State!

Many people look only in their states database for unclaimed money. The problem is, companies do not always report your money in your state of residence. This is especially true if the company that turned over the money did not have an address for you or it is an inheritance. Search in a database that has money from ALL STATE and FEDERAL databases This will give you a wide search, without you having to individually search 60+ databases!

Don't Be A Selfish Searcher

Search the names of family and close friends to see if they are owed money as well! Chances are they haven't looked for themselves.

Use a QUALITY database when you conduct your search

A "quality" database is a database that
- Has money from ALL STATE and FEDERAL databases
- Searches your name AND name variations for you
- Updates its database frequently
- Provides information on claiming your unclaimed money
- Offers you a Free Search
to see if there is any money owed to your name before you have to enter the database

Searching for your unclaimed money does not have to be difficult. Following the above tips will help ensure you find the unclaimed money owed to you and your family!

Then all you have to do is claim it and you will have a check in your mailbox before you know it!
Nicole Anderson offers additional information about unclaimed money at http://www.cashunclaimed.com

If you want to get back your lost money and unclaimed funds without any hassles, just visit http://www.cashunclaimed.com to search 120+ databases in one go. Conduct a single search and all the money owed to you will be flashed on your screen.