Self Esteem Or Selfish Steam?

By Michelle Rigg

Self-esteem. Entitlement. We hear these terms batted about a lot these days. Especially when it comes to our kids. Everyone from parents to teachers to elected officials is terrified of rupturing our children's delicate sense of self. And what has been the result?

We seem to have created a generation of children who:

• Are poor at accepting constructive criticism
• Don't believe they need to change and grow
• Have difficulty with the word "no"
• Have an inflated, unrealistic sense of their own talents
• Feel entitled to frequent rewards and recognition
• Have little sense of what it means to make an authentic contribution
• Have little desire to push themselves beyond their comfort zones
• Are very defensive and feel "I'm fine just the way I am"

Let's be clear about one thing: self-esteem - an unshakable sense of our own basic worth - is a critically important ingredient for healthy development. But what went awry? Why is that with all of our efforts to raise children with high self-esteem, we seem to have done exactly the opposite? How is it that we have created, instead, a generation of children (often referred to as "Generation Y") who live in protected, delusional bubbles? Why is there so much talk about an "entitlement epidemic"?

It's all about Pain
The problem stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of pain - OUR misunderstanding, not our kids'.

Many (most?) of us were raised with shame. When we did something "wrong" or failed to meet expectations, we were devalued. We may even have been insulted outright, called names. We were given the message that there was something wrong or unworthy about us. As a result we became emotionally wounded. We don't want to do the same thing to our kids. So we overcompensate by shielding them from pain.

But, in fact, pain and shame are two different things. It's WE who have been unable to disentangle them.

When we hear the word "no," when we see a "C-" instead of an "A+," when we look at a losing score in a ball game, we equate it with shame because of the way we were raised. And so, in an effort to spare our children from being wounded, we try to shield them from pain. But pain is not what we should be worried about; only shame.

Because we don't get that distinction, we shield our kids from reality. We shield them from truth. We would rather lie to our kids than allow them to experience their own wonderful, invaluable and instructive pain!

What are some ways we shield our kids?

• By telling them their work is "amazing," even if it shows little effort or mastery
• By eliminating most forms of grading or performance measurement
• By giving prizes and awards to every child in order to spare anyone from being branded a "loser"
• By removing evaluative language from the classroom, dance floor and ball field
• By failing to correct flaws in our children's performance in sports, the arts, or recreational skills
• By faulting the teacher if our child receives less than perfect evaluations
• By giving "everyone a chance" to play or perform even if they have not earned it

And on and on...

Here is a funny poem about the subject

Selfish Steam (by Andy Wolfendon)
I don't know what it is for sure, this thing called Selfish Steam,I do know that protecting it is the latest grown-up scheme.

"You mustn't tell the boy he failed his weekly spelling test.You mustn't break the news, his pitching's not the nation's best.You mustn't tell the girl she's not the champ, you'll squash her dream.In fact, don't tell kids anything - you'll crush their Selfish Steam."

"No, when we hold a contest we'll give EVERY kid a prize,We'll hand some handsome trophies out to EVERYONE who tries,And when they run a race we'll say that EVERYONE's the winner,Then EVERYONE can be the best, from expert to beginner.And when kids draw a picture, we'll declare it ULTRA-GREAT!Whether it's the Mona Lisa or a figure eight."

But if I get a trophy even when I haven't scored,And every effort, good or bad, receives the same reward,Why should I try? Why do my best? And here's what I can't see - If EVERYBODY's special, what's so special about ME?

When I grow up, is there a crop of which I'll be the cream?I probably won't know much, but I'll have tons of Selfish Steam!

Pain is our FRIEND
The truth is that by shielding our kids from discomfort, embarrassment, criticism, judgment, disappointment - from pain, in all its guises - we deprive them of a crucial opportunity to grow!

Pain is one of life's greatest teachers. Pain is an ally, not an enemy. Pain is a signal that we have come up against a limitation that needs to be transcended. Without that signal making us uncomfortable, we don't transcend. We don't rise. We don't become better than we were yesterday. We stay stuck.

Today's parenting model is all about allowing children to stay stuck and feel good about it, rather than to grow.

Humans do not grow by avoiding pain, but by taking it on, pushing past it, rising above it. As parents, we need to get that. We need to embrace it.

Two Simple Solutions
If parents want to end the false self-esteem/entitlement epidemic, the solution is simple:

1. They must get complete with their OWN pasts. Parents need to heal their own wounds, rather than run away from them. They need to stop living through their children and become whole and complete unto themselves. Only by doing this will they stop pampering their children (who really don't need pampering at all).

2. They must teach their children to be lovers of TRUTH. Parents must encourage their kids to love the truth, even when it stings. The truth is, not everyone can be a major league pitcher, a famous recording artist, or a movie star. Only by letting kids experience the hurt of discovering what they're NOT good at will they discover what they ARE good at (their true and precious design).

Parents have a crucial choice: they can either avoid discomfort and enable their kids to avoid it, OR they can tackle it with gusto, viewing it as a teacher, a gift, a motivator.

It's NOT a question of love

Parents today are not inadequate, nor do we lack in love for our kids. We do love our kids and we are doing our very best, given the way we were raised. It's a matter of results: the results we're getting are not good. We need to correct our approach. We're harming our kids by depriving them of experiencing discomfort and truth, life's greatest teachers.

Pain can be faced with tact, grace and wisdom, in a way that does not insult, devalue or negate anyone. And that's what we, as parents, must start doing!

Copyright 2007 - Michelle Rigg

Personal power expert Michelle Rigg is the author of You Must Be OUT of YOUR MIND: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating More Power in Your Life. Her clients usually see remarkable improvements in income, relationships, communication, focus, and clarity after completing just one workshop or telephone laser session. For a FREE 5-step course that will supercharge your personal power, visit http://www.createpersonalpower.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michelle_Rigg

Self Catering Cottages - Affordable And Extremely Comfortable

By Terry Pinto

One of the innovations of modern era which is gaining huge appreciation around the world are self catering cottages. A perfect holiday destination, they are giving such established holiday destinations like hotels and rest houses a run for their money. The reason for their success, has to a great extent, do with the changing demands of modern travellers. No one today wants to waste his time on interacting with waiters stewards etc. Instead what they today want is a place where in they can celebrate their vacations without being harassed by an army of helpers. Self catering cottages deliver to this demand of people and as such win their approval in a big way.

Then these self catering cottages are also set in the calm locale of country side which exposes the visitors to extreme peace and tranquility. Elements which act as balm to the jaded mind and body and readies them to take on the rigours of life. Not to forget the availability of these cottages at extremely cost-effective rate which plays an instrumental role in spreading their popularity to every section of the society. The visitors are also allowed to make their stay comfortable in any which way possible. So much so that people are also allowed to cook their own food and that too at any point of time.

Self catering cottages find favour with business outfits also. They find the place perfect for their get together and team building exercises. The stay at the place also serves a very worthy option for companies to honour their most deserving employees.

As more and more people awake to the wonderful services and facilities provided at these cottages, it can well be predicted that the popularity of these cottages are set for a huge leap. The future, thus, looks, extremely rosy for self catering cottages

Terry is a globe-trotter specialising in travel writing. Having toured all over Britain, he has a fair idea of the best resorts, self catering cottages, hotels, and other places of accommodation and entertainment, including self catering services in the British Isles. He has been using his vast knowledge of geography and languages to guide tourists and holiday-makers to enjoy their touring time.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terry_Pinto

Self Esteem And Physical Activity

By Lyca Edson Shan

Self-esteem and physical activity go hand in hand. Our physiology and state of mind affect each other on an on-going basis. Physical activity is a very important part of developing higher self-esteem. It gives you a sense of control in your life and generates good hormones that help you develop your mental immune system as well.

One of the most intense experiences in my life was doing an actual fire walk. This is a good example of self-esteem and physical activity working together. So here I would like to share that with you though an excerpt from my book "Firewalker."

The Fire Walk: "Think all things possible, and they become so. Only in the barren earth of disbelief, does our life lay fallow..." "Red sparks circled their way up towards the night sky, dancing an odd tempo to the music. Then the clapping began, at first slowly, in rhythm, then faster and faster. The air, fraught with emotion, felt oddly alive. Wheelbarrows of glowing coals were pushed from the fire pits. Crewmembers in black t-shirts carefully moved through the crowd, shoveling the hot embers onto the ground in long rows. The heat pressed upwards and the smell of wood smoke filled the air. I found myself quickly at the front of the line. Nothing but an overwhelming sense of strength flooded through my mind. The red coals spread out in front of me, vibrant in the darkness; I could feel their heat on my face. I stood, feet firmly planted on the ground, and brought my fist down to meet my open palm. I had practiced this move, imagining walls falling before me, oceans parting, and all the power of existence drawing into me in that one moment. A lightness of being filled me, as if I could float over the very earth itself.
"Cool moss..." I chanted the mantra aloud as I stepped forward with long, purposeful strides, eyes skyward. My feet hit the coals and I felt as if I were walking on a pathway of crushed velvet. It pressed softly up under my feet, barely warm to the touch. By the time I reached the end it had happened all too quickly. At that moment I became all that existed. Enveloped by the light of the fire-walk, the night sky bore silent witness to the stirring of my spirit. "Firewalker" the word lingered in my mind, mine and not mine. Every door lay unhinged and every path lay open. All that had ever held me back now seemed a dim shadow in a distant land."

This was a very physical experience that helped me rediscover that powerful part of my creativity that can perceive the limitless possibilities around us at all times.

Lyca Shan is the founder of Firewalker Enterprises. A passionate author and speaker she focuses on helping others overcome their experiences of hardship and trauma by delivering the message that Every person is born with the inner strength to rise above their individual circumstances and find happiness within themselves despite their environment.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lyca_Edson_Shan

Self Catering - Self Service Is the Best Service

By Terry Pinto

The idea of enjoying an outing has undergone a huge change. Things which were considered as comforting earlier are seen as an irritant and invasion of privacy these days. Unlike earlier times, people these days don't want to be surrounded by waiters, stewards and home service.
Instead, their wish is to be left all alone with no one to bother them, to the extent that they would be allowed to prepare food themselves and at any point of time. It is due to these demands of modern travellers that self catering destinations have come into existence. Their popularity can be gauged from the fact that these self catering centres have left hotels and rest houses far behind as places largely favoured by enthusiasts.

There are plenty of advantages that these self catering centres offer to guests. First of which undoubtedly is the fact that they are less expensive as compared to hotels and rest houses, and they come with very good facilities. Also, there is abundance of space here which makes it just perfect not only for couples but also for families with kids. The greatest advantage that these centers offer to them is that they are allowed to cook their own food and that too at any point of time.

These self catering destinations are also in great demand by business units who often arrange their official parties at these places. Most of these places are set in less urban areas, so they are perfect for get together and actually go a long way in developing team spirit amongst colleagues. Also, over achieving employees are gifted these trips as reward by their employers.

With people exhibiting sharp change in their taste, it can well be said that these self catering centers will slowly clamp their authority over traditional choices like hotels and rest houses.

Terry is a globe-trotter specialising in travel writing. Having toured all over Britain, he has a fair idea of the best resorts, Self catering, hotels, and other places of accommodation and entertainment, including self catering cottages services in the British Isles. He has been using his vast knowledge of geography and languages to guide tourists and holiday-makers to enjoy their touring time.

Self Hypnosis - A Higher State of Mind

By Dane Bergen

Self hypnosis is a state of mind that can occur naturally and may be defined as a state of intensely focused concentration also known as a trance and is characterized by the individual’s eagerness to follow suggestions. Self hypnosis is a skill that should be learned properly before experiencing any effects.

Before starting on self hypnosis, you need to know the steps on how to do it properly. You should also be in the right type of environment when doing self hypnosis. Set up a schedule for practice time and keep records of your self hypnosis attempts. You will need a comfortable place to lie or sit down; a quiet and peaceful environment, and the willingness and ability to follow instructions.

The first thing to do when starting self hypnosis is to choose the most important goal. It is recommended to start with a single goal, maybe two at most. These goals should be measurable like counting the number of days you haven’t had a smoke, or the number of pounds you have lost in a week. When starting self hypnosis, try using your own induction process, or if you find it difficult to relax, try using an induction tape and work better on your relaxation.

Here are some simple steps on how to go about self hypnosis:

- Find a comfortable, private, peaceful and quiet place to sit or lie down. Some people may recommend sitting down since lying down may make you more inclined to fall asleep.

- Close your eyes and start the induction process. Rid your mind of any feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety. If you find it difficult to concentrate, do not force your thoughts out, instead, let them go away naturally.

- Starting with your toes, allow the tension in your body to slip away. Visualize the tension leaving your toes, continue through to your calves, thighs, moving up to your face and head.

- Breathe slowly and deeply. Visualize the tension leaving your body as you exhale.

- Once you’ve reached a point of extreme relaxation, start addressing your main concern or goal and use the present tense. Use positive words and repeat your statement as many times as you want.

- As soon as you are done, slowly count up to 10 and ease yourself back into a normal state of relaxation. Allow yourself to have a few minutes before opening your eyes.

Remember, relaxation is an important step when it comes to self hypnosis, so you should practice and find a way to help yourself relax. Come up with the right kind of suggestions and use them during self hypnosis and at any other times of the day. You can also try auto questioning. This can help ease your subconscious into a receptive state of your suggestions.

To learn exactly how to perform self hypnosis or absolutely any other aspect of hypnosis just visit http://www.hypnotismsecrets.com

Dane Bergen Master Hypnotist

When It Comes To Time Management, Self Awareness Is What Counts

By Sara Bereika

The better you know yourself, the more you can improve your performance when working to achieve your goals and tasks. Here are some questions you can ask yourself that may help you work more efficiently and effectively.

When are you the most/least productive?This is a common oversight when scheduling your goals and tasks. If you schedule a task that you truly dislike during a time when you are least productive, that task will never get done. You will be sluggish, make more mistakes and you will begin to further dislike the task. Scheduling that task when you are the most productive will help ensure you get it done quickly, with less mistakes.

Do you know your limits?All of us at one time or another have over extended ourselves to get a task or project done because we want to get it over with. Putting this pressure on ourselves can make the task or project much more difficult. The best thing to do is to stop working on a project when you still have energy and have hit your peak. Forcing yourself to get through it will slow the project down. You will associate your stress with the completion of the project and possibly never get back to finishing it. If you stop when you are still energized, it will be much more enjoyable to come back to at a later date. You will associate that energy with the project and be motivated to finish.

What are your strengths and weaknesses?Make a list of all your strengths and weaknesses. Take all your weaknesses and start delegating as many tasks as you can that fall under that category. It is far more efficient to pay someone else to do a task instead of continuing to put it off, and have that feeling of inadequacy because you haven’t done it. And if you aren’t convinced it’s worth it, calculate your hourly rate. If you work for a company, determine all your expenses. Include your salary, payroll taxes, the cost of office space you use, insurance (if you have it through your company), travel and other expenses if they apply. If you are self-employed, determine the annual cost of running your business. Now determine the profit you should generate by your activity using a good educated guess. Determine how many hours you work in a year and do the math. You may be shocked to find out how much you are worth and how valuable it is to pay someone else to do the job.

Do you work in a dysfunctional environment?If you are working in an environment that is full of clutter, noise, or even dust you may not work as effectively or efficiently. You spend most of your time at work so do what you can to spruce up your space. Paint the walls a soothing color, buy a chair that is comfortable, invest in an air purifier, buy a set of headphones and listen to music that motivates you. Be sure to allow sunlight to get in and clean up the clutter. If the clutter is overwhelming ask for help from a family member, friend or professional. And if money is preventing you from getting the things you need remind yourself that you deserve to be happy and healthy!

The Truth About Personal Self Defense Weapons

By SA Rubin

Sorry I haven’t written anything for a while folks, but these days it seems like there’s more on my to-do-list then there is time to do them. In fact, my daily travels are what inspired me to sit down and write this letter today.

It seems like everywhere I go these days, I get asked the same questions about self defense weapons. Are they legal? Should I carry one? Do they really work? (And assuming they really do work for self defense)… How do I know which one is really going to work for me?

The truth is, there really is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It’s a personal question, which has a personal answer for each individual. So I’m going to do what I can to help clear some of the fog on this topic, and we’ll start with a simple definition for the term “self defense weapon”.

Self-defense: The act of defending one’s person or interests from harm by the use of physical force or argument.

Weapon: Any instrument or device used to inflict harm on another, either for attack or defense.

So for the purpose of this article, we’ll consider a self defense weapon to be any instrument or device used to defend yourself from physical harm or attack... Simple enough.

Personal defense weapons come in many shapes and sizes. In fact, just about anything you use to defend yourself could be considered a self defense weapon. So rather than creating a list of self defense weapons (which is practically endless), I’ll just go over some of the concepts that are common for all of these devices.

First let’s talk about what a self defense weapon is NOT…

A self defense weapon is NOT an animate object with a mind of its own. In other words, it doesn’t think for itself, and it doesn’t sit there coiled up, waiting for the opportunity to strike at someone. A self defense weapon is a tool, no more. And being a tool, what it does depends entirely on what you do with it. A weapon can be very useful for keeping you safe. However, you've got to remember a few certain things...

1. A SELF DEFENSE WEAPON IS NOT MAGIC. Once you have a weapon, it doesn’t mean you’re automatically safe. So, don’t go walking into a bad section of town, in the middle of the night, carrying a big handful of money. And don’t flip off the local gang leader just because you have a weapon in your pocket

2. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO USE YOUR SELF DEFENSE WEAPON. And even more important, you need to have confidence in your ability to use it. Just having a weapon doesn't mean it'll be any help at all. This is actually a big problem among the uninformed; Military and law enforcement research confirms that people who lack confidence in a technique or device will not resort to it in a stressful situation.

Many people have been seriously hurt in violent encounters with a personal self defense weapon right in their hand. In the stress of the moment, they didn't think to use it or doubted its' ability to impact the situation. Perhaps they were afraid that it would only make matters worse.

So if you’re thinking of carrying a personal self defense weapon, make sure you’re prepared to learn how to use it. And practice to become skillful with it. You also need to be prepared to use the device aggressively on a predator, to protect yourself. Never carry a Personal Safety Weapon with the intent to "bluff" your assailant. This is one sure way to have your weapon taken away and used against you. So if you are not prepared to use it decisively, don't carry it!

3. WEAPONS DON’T WORK IF YOU AREN’T HOLDING THEM.You've got to keep your eyes open and pay attention, and you need to know how to carry and use your weapon of choice, cause if you don't, you may not get a chance to use it. A gun doesn't help if it's still in its holster, and a pepper spray or a stun gun isn't too useful if it's still in the bottom of your purse or in the kitchen drawer at home when you get attacked. So when you carry a weapon for self defense, make sure you can get to it quickly if the need arises.

People seldom leave their homes thinking, "Gee, I think I'll go out and fend off a mugger, or a rapist today!" What happens to most self defense weapons is the novelty wears off and they’re quickly forgotten, then they find their way to the bottom of a purse, the glove box of your car, or the back of a kitchen drawer. They won't do you much good there! So ask yourself, is the device you are considering something practical enough to carry with you all of the time.

4. NOTHING WORKS 100% OF THE TIME. Over-inflated claims and quick-fix promises are everywhere in the self-defense business. Many gadget salespeople and wannabe self-defense experts exaggerate the benefits and capabilities of their systems and products.

You need to understand, and acknowledge the limitations of a self defense weapon, and have a back-up plan. Keep in mind that nothing is ever 100% effective all the time. Even a gun is only 99% effective. Sometimes people get shot, but they still don’t go down. Yet, I don’t know anyone who would say a gun isn’t effective.

So knowing that nothing works 100% of the time means no matter what self defense weapon you decide to carry, you should still have a back up plan for defending yourself… just in case
5. THERE ARE LAWS ABOUT WEAPONS… Lots of laws. Starting primarily with laws about guns, the use of guns, carrying a gun, etc. but there are also laws about stun guns, pepper spray, knives, batons, etc. Mostly having to do with when weapons may be used, and under what circumstances.

Do what you can to learn the laws about weapons in your area, but more importantly, use a bit of common sense. Pulling a gun on a guy because he cut you off in traffic is a no-no, and shooting someone in the face with pepper spray because they took the last donut at the meeting is not using good judgment. So when learning to use your self defense weapon, also learn the laws regarding the weapon, and when you can and can't use it legally.

So there you have it, a few basic truths about self defense weapons. I could go on for another half hour about personal defense weapons, and never run out of things to say, but this article has already passed the one thousand-word mark, so I’ll end it here. The bottom line is, if you’re going to carry a weapon for self defense, make sure you know how to use it, and are prepared to use if the need arises.

Until next time, Stay safe and stay alive.

Steve / NASP

SA Rubin is the owner of North American Security Products, LLC. A company dedicated to providing you with the means to protect and defend yourself against crime. For more information on Self Defense Weapons visit www.naselfdefense.com where you'll find a complete line of self-defense weapons and Personal Security Products

Wedding Dress Self Defense

By Kristy Bloch

I know traditionally that I am supposed to save my wedding dress and give it to my daughter one day, but the darn thing is taking up too much space. Besides, if she’s anything like me, she’ll want something much “cooler” or up-to-date than what her Mom wore way back in 2007. So I’ve decided to sell it.

Sounds simple enough right? Place a classified ad in the paper or online, and some sweet, grateful, bride-to-be without much money will be able to look beautiful on her big day.

But that’s exactly how a predator called the “wedding dress rapist,” found his victims.

Terrorizing women in Alabama and Colorado, police believe this maniac is still roaming the streets. While his identity is unknown, police know that he finds his victims by looking through “Wedding Dress for Sale” classified ads.

Saying that he wanted to buy the dress for his daughter, once in the victim's home he would overpower and rape them.

Now here’s the good news…
Not all of the women this creep tried to attack became victims.

One woman who was called about her ad by this guy, refused to meet with him as each time he called her from a different number. In another case, from the moment the guy came in the door the women selling her dress had a bad feeling.

When he asked if she could wear for him, she told him to leave, and he attacked her. Unlike his other victims, she fought back using good self defense moves that targeted vital areas like the head and groin. She beat him pretty good and threw him out of her home. Neighbors chased after the guy and even took a picture of his car, but he escaped before police arrived.

The best way to win a fight against an attacker is to never get allow one to happen. If you don't like how someone sounds over the phone, or through the door, don't let them in your home. If your instincts tell you not to go a certain direction, or that there is something wrong with somebody, listen…because you are probably right.

If you walk alone, try to find the safest route even if it takes a little longer. Don't always leave at the same time, and know more then one way to get home. If you are approached your first move should always be to run away.

As the instructor mentor for the International Association of Close Combat Professionals, I work with a number of highly skilled self-defense instructors. Many of which have female students who successfully fought off attackers.

In all cases, the key element that made their self defense training work each and every time was that they were attentive to their surroundings and made their move when they needed to.

In this busy world it is easy to overlook safety because most of the time things run fine. There are a lot of nice people in this world, and most do business with strangers every day without incident. But it is vitally important for every woman to remember that there are plenty of dangerous people as well that will exploit any opportunity you hand them.

When it comes to self defense keep it simple. Get away at the first opportunity, and if you have to fight, hurt them until you're able to get away.

This is not a game, not a sport, and not a martial arts competition. This is a matter of life and death, and you have to;

1) Have proper, legitimate self defense training (Not kiddie street corner Karate)
2) Be smart and vigilant in all your dealings with strangers
3) Be ready to fight for your life and to protect your body if you need to

You do not need to live a life of constant fear and paranoia to apply these tactics, just a little preparation and some good old fashioned common sense. Like the common sense not to invite a strange man over your house to look at your wedding dress (I’ll be using EBay to sell mine).

Kristy Bloch is an Instructor Mentor in the International Association of Close Combat Professionals. She left the corporate world behind in order to pursue her true passion martial arts. She has train in various martial arts including Karate, Judo, and Jujitsu. She is a long time advocate of women's self defense. For more information:
http://tstraining.powweb.com/dod/attention_women.htm