Love At First Friendship

By Toni Parker

“What is the best thing I can do to make my relationship even stronger?”
This is the most frequently asked question I get after guiding couples through a crisis … and so it’s a good one to explore here with you.

One of the things that is really important is learning how to strengthen your relationship from a friendship point of view. If you use the analogy of building a house, then you know that the first thing you have to do is build a strong foundation in order for your home to rest on solid ground. In other words, you have to start from the ground up.

A relationship is no different. First you must build a good foundation upon which to base your love. And the best foundation is a very strong friendship as well as an understanding of how to keep strengthening that friendship. I use several tools to achieve this which we can get into in subsequent articles.

The other important key in fostering a strong friendship is learning how to deal with conflict. Because inevitably conflict is going to be part of every relationship. And I really want to stress this as sometimes people think that a relationship should always be rosy, and that’s just not how life is. Life has it ups and downs, as we all know, and when we make a commitment to a relationship we must understand and accept that there’s going to be challenges within life’s normal ups and downs.

Therefore, we need to properly prepare ourselves to handle conflict when it does arise so we do not erode the very foundation upon which our love is based. And it is important to learn how to communicate when faced with conflict in a way that does not attack your partner, but rather deals directly with the situation or issue at hand.

Are you beginning to see why strengthening the friendship within your relationship is so important, given the normal ebb and flow of life? Because if you have a strong friendship then you have solid and common ground upon which to grow other aspects of your relationship. More importantly, a strong friendship breeds a strong bond of closeness. And if you feel close to one another, then you can establish greater intimacy.

On the other hand, if you don’t feel close to your partner then you won’t feel connected. And when you don’t feel connected, you will not continue to have a desire to be with that person. In fact, you may grow so apart that you no longer want to be touched or held by them. After all, if you don’t share your innermost feelings with each other, then you are no longer emotionally intimate. If you are no longer emotionally intimate (especially for women), then a disconnect occurs when trying to initiate physical intimacy.

Bottom Line: If you do not feel close and you do not feel heard, then your relationship will crumple … sooner or later.

Toni Parker, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and relationship expert for singles as well as couples, and a sought after speaker internationally. From her private practice in Encino, California, she has become a trusted resource for countless couples world-wide (including Hollywood celebrities) for over 22 years. This wealth of experience along with her engaging presentation style has made her an in demand speaker among Fortune 500 companies and special interest groups worldwide. She’s also a certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist and a Member of the Gottman Relationship Clinic.

To book Toni for a customized presentation or view her most popular workshops and keynotes visit her website at http://www.RealSolutionsForLove.com and hit the "workshops" tab. While you're there, pick up her latest FREE report, 69 Ways to Increase Intimacy.